Accessorizing, Categorizing, and Other -ings Daddies Don’t Do


photo credit: ShellyS via photopin cc
photo credit: ShellyS via photopin cc

Daddy! I need your help!

I’ve heard this once or twice. It can mean, “I got a pizza-sauce stain on my sister’s school shirt!”

It could mean, “I’ve toppled a beer display at Food Lion, and the manager hasn’t seen it.”

It also could mean something mischievous is about to happen to a relative.

Today, Grace needed my expertise in sorting out hair accessories.

Me? Really?

It’s like asking Ndmanukong Suh for directions to the kindness march.

accessoriesGrace wanted me to help her sort out girl hair accessories into four categories:

  1. Rubberbands/clips
  2. Poofy rubberbands
  3. Elastic headbands
  4. Regular headbands

Oh, and contribute to a pile of “yardsale/trash” offerings. (“Anything too stretched out goes there, dad,” she explained. “Or if it has Tinkerbell or princesses on it.

(“But don’t write a story that says I don’t like Tinkerbell. Or princesses.”)

Sure, Grace. You’re asking the man who has two categories of hair accessories on his radar – those that hurt when I step on them, and those that don’t.

So, I’d better ask some questions.

Me: Why do you girls love your sidebangs so much?

Grace: They make us look pretty in church.

(This makes little sense to a man who hasn’t used a comb since 1987, nor had a haircut since, well, I’m not sure, but I’m pretty sure it was in 2012).

Me: Why do we have to do this?

Grace: Because Elise just throws them on the floor.

photo credit: Disney Fairies Tink's Pirate Fairy Bling Boutique at Target 4/14/14 via photopin (license)
photo credit: Disney Fairies Tink’s Pirate Fairy Bling Boutique at Target 4/14/14 via photopin (license)

Good point. So the sorting went on, and so did the learning. Out went the Tinkerbell pieces (shh!), along with those too worn out to hold together the daily paper for a Tuesday.

Clips congregated in the safety of their numbers, out of harm’s (and my feet’s) way.

The kid can accessorize.

She’s the child who helped me organize my own stuff, with such helpful hints as rolling up my belts, stacking up my soccer shirts, and splitting up my underwear into “favorites” and “not so favorites.”

For the record: None of those had Tinkerbell on them.

Or princesses.

accessories quote

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13 Replies to “Accessorizing, Categorizing, and Other -ings Daddies Don’t Do”

  1. Haha… that was cute Coach! We had a cat that did that for my daughter… yes she has talents! Good to see that a daddy can help out with those really important tasks for his little girls… its a precursor for future helpfullness! Great story!

  2. I HATE stepping on hair clips! They are just as bad as Legos except I have myself largely to blame for the clips. Wish we lived closer…Gia LOVES Tinkerbell and Princesses.

    1. But then I feel bad for having broken the hair clip, because it makes me feel like a rhino with no emotions or moral compass.

      Maybe I overreact.

      Grace shuns the whole Tinkerbell/princess persona because she has older sister, and wants to be all ‘mature’ like them and wear side bangs and sing songs with bad words in them.

      Wait, the big girls shouldn’t do that either.

  3. Army guys…it’s little Army guys in our house that hurt your feet when you step on them. I’d sure like to ‘sort’ them, hah! But they’re precious cargo around this house (at least to one of us), so I leave them alone. 🙂

    For the record my son doesn’t have any princess or Tinkerbell underwear either. Whew! 🙂

    1. See, I’d rather have the little army guys, or the plastic dinosaurs. Well, maybe in addition to the hair stuff. And your little guy would probably know if one sergeant was missing, wouldn’t he?

      I bet there are a pair or two of camo undies in your laundry. Presumably your sons, not yours. Am I right?

      1. My son is the king of organizing and def. WOULD notice if an Army sergeant was missing. And he does have camo undies…backpack…shirts…pants…sigh. lol

        Dad was, and oldest bro is military. Camo’s big in our house. 😉

      2. No man left behind – I like that! I think the problem with camo clothes is, don’t they get lost? I mean, on principle, aren’t they supposed to? I know I’ve had a few moments in which I wish I was in full camo.

        That’s for another blog, I believe.

  4. I have one big rule (well probably more) but this is one of the bigger ones anyway. I don’t do hair. I have two girls. The oldest one has always been girly. The younger one has been well… it wasn’t that long ago when I asked my wife when did she become a girl (she used to be very much a tomboy, even played football at one point). There has been only one instance where I made the mistake of commenting. The oldest one asked about her hair one day. My response was that it was cute. If you do not know this mistake yet, let me save you the heartache. Don’t do it, just let it go and say nothing. Stay as far away as possible…

    1. Luckily, I’ve crossed that bridge. I made it through, unscathed. Of course, I’ve said other things I felt were pretty safe, and bad things happened.

      Because I don’t try to make sense of it, I feel I’m an evolved man. Sometimes, a dad gets hugged. Sometimes, he gets mugged. Either way, he probably had little to do with the outcome, and he’s still dad.

      Right?

  5. Those hair accessories can’t be any worse than those little plastic toy soldiers when you step on them. Thank goodness my only granddaughter would rather play with toy soldiers than wear hair accessories or it would be a double whammy at our house. 😀

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