5 For Friday: Things That Make Me Kinda Angry, But Not Horribly.

photo credit: A Little Rancor via photopin (license)
photo credit: A Little Rancor via photopin (license)

I’m in such a good mood today.

I’m pretty sure it’s the grape energy powder drink I bought at Wal-mart recently. It makes me feel like a champ. Like, literally. I want to fight Mike Tyson.

I just feel generally really good about life, grape magic powder aside.

So it’s kind of odd to finish this post, about five things that generally tick me off. But, I feel so in-tuned and zen-like and champ-like, I can pull it off, even in a good mood.

Here, then, are five things that anger me.*

*Unless I’m having a good writing day at work, the kids are being nice to me, I’ve just eaten pizza, my soccer team scores a goal, I find $5 in my pocket, I-485 doesn’t ground to a halt during my morning commute, the Nuggets win and the lakers lose, the Avs win and the red wings lose, I get a really good coupon at the self-checkout lane at Harris-Teeter, or I pass a Burger King on a sunny day just in time to smell the burgers grilling.

1. The heroes in my favorite TV shows have to go and get romantically involved.

Hate it. I nearly gave up on “Castle” when Rick Castle and Kate Beckett got all girlfrend/boyfriend on me. Seriously, one more sappy episode, I’d have switched to “Catfishin’ Kings” or “Dumbest Stuff on Wheels.” It’s how “Moonlighting” got junky, back in the day. Of course, I had a mad thing for Maddie Hayes, but still. Ruined it.

Same thing with “Bones.” I’ve watched four episodes of season one, and the one episode Bones gives birth. Ruined.

You didn’t have to worry about this with “Starsky & Hutch” or “CHiPs.”

2. Add an annoying puppy.

The delicate balance of “The Adventures of Scooby Doo” took a hit when writers decided to add Scrappy Doo. It was the worst thing ever in cartoonery, even worse than Muppet kids or taking the mean streak out of Woody Woodpecker.

Some pinhead in Scooby Doo corporate thought he had a bone idea. This one was even worse than adding Scooby Dum. Or the Cosby Show littering it up with a bunch of new kids.

Less is more. Take note.

3. Add corn. Or big stinky onions.

My dad’s salsa recipe was a classic. Everyone wanted it, including a dude at the old Sandwich Construction Company, a racing hotspot restaurant on the same road where I went to college. They offered to pay dad for the recipe, but he refused.

I’m glad he did.

But later in his life, he gave it out a few times to people at work who’d been after it for years. “What are you doing, dad??” I asked. But he knew better.

“They’ll ruin it,” he said. “Don’t worry.” And they did. White folks added chunks of corn, extra spices, even big stinky raw onions to the mix.

This one actually doesn’t tick me off very much. This recipe stayed squarely in the family, where it belongs.

Y’all can keep your corn.

4. Single out my kid. Or criticize one of my players.

I’m kinda like a thug if you start to target my kid. Not of the brass-knuckles variety, but of the passive-aggressive, slice you with wit and spit and vinegar type.

You want to toss ire at my little one? Be prepared for a little hailstorm of your own. I don’t want to give too many specifics, lest some of you recognize some of the venom that you’ve stumbled upon when you took a verbal jab at my offspring.

The kids are learning it, too. You should have seen what Elise and Marie did to the kid in the bounce house messing with their kid sister once. Don’t mess with us.

5. Tailgate. Then pass me like you’re not even mad at me.

Back in my day, if you tailgated, you were angry. You’d wait until you could pass unsafely into oncoming traffic, and snarl at me in the very least.

Nowadays? You’re on my bumper like you’re drafting at Daytona, but when you finally swing your Prius or Lexus or Probe alongside me, I see you’re just engrossed in your smartphone or fiddling with your CD player.

Where’s the angst? The impatience? Where have you gone, Tony Stewart?

At least give me the finger and let me know you’re alive, anxious and angry at me for doing the speed limit.

And for smiling while doing it.

Probably with a grape mustache.

anger quote


  1. I HATE when dying shows add a kid. Remember Oliver on The Brady Bunch. That. Just let the show die. As far as I’m concerned, that trick is down there with the annoying puppy. Yuck. We could totally watch TV together.

    Except iCarly.

    Please bring the salsa. Hold the corn. 🙂

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      We definitely could watch TV together. We really should. I might use the F word if I see an annoying kid on a show, though.

      You’ve been warned, Renee.

  2. ilene says:

    That salsa wisdom from your dad is completely sage. I reluctantly handed over a recipe that I use in my baking business to the PTA for their cookbook fundraiser – thinking it would hurt me – but a friend convinced me of the same. Are the droves going to seek out the brown rice flour that I use? Probably not. There’s a better chance of them adding corn or onions to my granola than them running to Whole Foods for my “special” brand of sea salt.

    And those puppies bring me angst too – as well as the babies. How many babies get tossed around Hollywood when a show is about to jump the shark? The Keatons? Rachel in Friends? Wasn’t there something similar on Cosby? Like Renee said – save a baby and let the show die.

    1. He knew better. I think when people foul up your recipe, like yours, then it makes the original look that much better. I bet they used Uncle Ben’s.

      Maybe I should write a blog about the five worst TV babies ever introduced to try and save a dying show.

      Wonder what SEO would do with *that* title.

  3. Will it restore your “faith in humanity” if I shared that I still meet tailgaters and inconsiderate drivers all the time? They ride my tail (even if I’m already going over the speed limit), screech past me at unsafe moments (using turn lanes), cut me off, slam on the brakes and give me the finger. They almost always give me a “die” look on the way by. My “unhappy” place is at the school – our kids are learning how to be selfish, bad drivers who curse and make racial slurs on a daily basis. For example, the other day I passed a Dad at the school tearing a strip off another driver who was parked illegally. He was also parked illegally! There’s a reason I go early, and bring a snack!

    1. Well, maybe I should go to Canada. I hate that rude drivers are so … passive here. This woman today wouldn’t let me merge onto the highway, and I figured she’d be some raging angry freak when I pulled alongside her. Was she? Nope. Just a regular-old woman, playing on the smartphone.

      Your kid’s school is hardcore! I once got tailgated and flipped a bird by a dude pulling out of a church parking lot. I mean, he probably still had eucharist breath, for goodness sake.

      1. This evening I had a guy try to wipe me off the face of the earth because I wouldn’t let him go when I had the right of way. I stared him down…blocked him with my (which is unscathed)…you have to watch out for us regular old church ladies. Sometimes we can surprise you!

  4. Sara says:

    Corn in salsa is wrong. It’s the one complaint I have against Cabo Fish Taco. Every time they bring that bowl of “salsa”out, I push it away in disgust and reach for my margarita.

    1. “Corn in salsa is wrong” ought to be on a T-shirt. They do that at Cabo? Fight the good fight, and save me a margarita. Extra salt. Top shelf.

  5. Chris Carter says:

    Um… I love corn in salsa. I’m white. Ahem.
    As always- this is awesome. Love: “…Elise and Marie did to the kid in the bounce house messing with their kid sister once. Don’t mess with us.”… you and your girls are TIGHT. That always warms my big ol’ heart!!
    And if you ever need a sign that drivers are alive and well, meet me on the highway to hell where I’ll drive up on your a– and then swerve around with my fists in the air yelling all kinds of obscenities at you WHILE my kids are in the car. Ahhh…. I can’t tell you how many times I have really wanted to do this to people on the road- going LESS THAN the speed limit. I really really hate slow drivers who are always talking on the phone or quite frankly too old to drive. I get ugly when I get stuck behind one… This was cathartic. Thank you. 🙂

    1. Haha. No offense. You’re one of my favorite white folk, right up there with Pippa Middleton and Uncle Sam.

      Yeah, it was vigilante justice in the bounce house – just a little this and that, sending a message. I was very proud of them.

      See, that’s the kind of spunk I want to see on the road! Be mad at my speed-limit-driving butt and let me know about it. What’s scarier than a mad driver? One who is so oblivious on her smartphone that she doesn’t even probably realize she kissed my back bumper before drifting into the next lane. Pinterest must really be compelling.

      When I see one of y’all driving and looking at that stupid little blue screen, I honk the horn, and you look up, because you probably figure you’ve drifted into my lane.

      Well, not *you*, Chris, but you know what I mean.

      I used to squint like Mr. Magoo when someone passed me and glared, so they’d at least have a story to tell about the Mexican dude who couldn’t even see the road!

  6. I quit watching moonlighting for the same reason. Ok, I did watch it for a while after that, but just to try to catch a glimpse of Cybil Shepherd wearing sneakers instead of pumps.

    And corn in salsa? Ack…

    This is a pretty fair list, as lists go. 😀

    1. Oh, Maddie and her sneakers. Remember that soft light they’d always film her in. I even named my saxophone after her. And one cat.

      Yeah, corn salsa – save it for the crows.

      Thanks Cathy! Five for Friday is all about the lists.

  7. Camilleta says:

    I totally agree, why does every show have to have a romantic aspect?? That’s not why you watch those types of shows!

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      Right? They always ruin it. My current favorite show is about to do it. I don’t even want to talk about it. And it isn’t all because I have a crush on the female character, either.

  8. AnnMarie says:

    I totally remember Moonlighting sucking after they got together. Shows like that should stay away from that. They’d last longer. I can’t stand when they add new kids thinking they are being all fresh and creative when really it is like a neon sign saying the show is dying. I love good salsa with no corn and hate onions. I live by the rule that I can say what I want about those I love (you know when I’m mad and all) but anyone else says it and they get chewed out or at least the death stare. My kids live by the same rule. After reading this, we could totally hang and share a bowl of salsa. 🙂

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      Do they want to kill the show? Maybe they do. That’s the formula. Or, it’s, let’s add sex! No. We are invested in the characters as our OWN love interests. Don’t introduce jealousy. I’ll tune you out.

      Wow, that sounded needy.

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