5 for Friday: Go Ask Daddy About Lance Armstrong, Jam vs. Jelly and Your Itchy Scalps


photo credit: #344/366 via photopin (license)
photo credit: #344/366 via photopin (license)

The scoop of questions we serve up for Go Ask Daddy Five for Fridays offers a snapshot into our lives. Bad words and holiday traditions. Skunk recipes and Hail Mary passes.

GAD GRAPHICCameras above football fields and the doings of artists we miss, such as Otis Redding.

This also applies this week.

I’m a bit behind – as you can tell when holiday questions get answered in the spring – so it’s more like an archeological dig into what’s on these girls’ minds. We’ve nearly forgotten about Lance Armstrong, honestly. And it was weeks ago that we watched “The Avengers.” (Heck, I’m just tonight making my St. Patrick’s Day cookies.)

Don’t even ask about the lice.

Wait, is there some justice in that we’ll start with America’s favorite disgraced cyclist and end with tiny bugs that make you itch?

You decide.

1. Did Lance Armstrong cheat?

photo credit: #344/366 via photopin (license)
photo credit: #344/366 via photopin (license)

Yes. He used performance-enhancing drugs when he won seven Tour de France titles.

I’ve separated Lance the cancer survivor/inspiration from Lance the doping cyclist. Many will say many cheat in this sport. They’re right. But it doesn’t excuse him. If we snuck Elise onto Marie’s team and won a trophy, have we really won anything?

I’d rather lose with what we have than win with what we shouldn’t.

I’d do it wearing a little yellow bracelet, though. That part I believe in.

2. How did they come up with the game “Can’t Beat Cassiday?”

photo credit: Cassiday 1 via photopin (license)
photo credit: Cassiday 1 via photopin (license)

The Queen City’s Queen of Pop Culture rarely ever loses a match.

The contest, on KISS 95.1’s Drex and Maney morning show in Charlotte, pits a listener against co-host Cassiday Proctor. You have to get more answers right out of five questions than Cassiday.

As of April 4, she was 168-3. That’s, like, as good as the Rockies are bad.

Cassiday offered this email explanation of how the show got started:

I’m basically like a walking encyclopedia of useless pop culture knowledge. I know way too many things about reality TV and celebrity news, so we decided to see if the listeners of Charlotte were as knowledgeable as me. I’ve been beat, and it shames me to say so! I feel like if I have the memory for all this stuff, I should win all the time, ha!

Check out a behind-the-scenes look at the show here.

3. What’s the difference between jelly and jam?

photo credit: Two Toasts via photopin (license)
photo credit: Two Toasts via photopin (license)

Finally – food.

Check this out:

JELLY | Jelly makers crush fruit, then strain out all solid material. They then boil this juice, and add sugar and pectin. Pectin reacts with sugar and heat for a thick consistency, which belongs spread all over my toast.

JAM | Jam makers leave that crushed fruit in, even the seeds. You don’t need to add pectin, a gelatinous polysaccharide that ripe fruit contains anyway. The crushed fruit lends itself to adequate spreadability, which looks equally as marvelous spread all over my toast.

Now I’m hungry.

Kidding. I was hungry already.

4. Does Hawkeye have a movie? How about Black Widow?

photo credit: The Avengers: 1/6th scale Hawkeye via photopin (license)
photo credit: The Avengers: 1/6th scale Hawkeye via photopin (license)

I thought you meant Pierce, at first, from M*A*S*H*. Played by Alan Alda. He’s been in Tower Heist, Manhattan Murder Mystery and Canadian Bacon.

But you mean Hawkeye from the Avengers, AKA Clint Baron, the villain turned hero and master archer who actually has no super powers.

And by Black Widow, you don’t mean the female pint-sized MMA beast featured in ESPN The Magazine, but the Russian femme fatale dressed in black who can kick incredible amounts of butt even while tied to a chair.

Screenrant.com reported last year that both would get solo films. Jeremy Renner, who plays Hawkeye, would probably leap at the chance to eclipse his role in “Hansel and Gretel.”

Scarlett Johansson, who plays Black Widow, reportedly feels a solo film would catapult her to the top of my Top 10 list, past Laura Linney, Amy Adams and Brenda Epperson.

Stay tuned.

5. Do lice bite?

photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/74733773@N00/5717420">Antarctophthirus</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/">(license)</a>
photo credit: Antarctophthirus via photopin (license)

I don’t know kids – you tell me.

I won’t disclose which two of the girls have had the creepy crawlies. They do bite. Anything that eats bites, old-school dads will tell you.

(Did you now dads don’t freak out like moms over lice? It’s like bedtime or good nutrition. Just not on dad radar).

While lice burrow in your tender little curls, they get bored just hanging around, so they’ll bite you. When it comes down to it, lice don’t carry disease or do any real harm – like most dads, actually.

But, a louse is a louse. Whether he’s on your scalp.

Or a bike.

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lice quote

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24 thoughts on “5 for Friday: Go Ask Daddy About Lance Armstrong, Jam vs. Jelly and Your Itchy Scalps

  1. Eek lice… We had a letter sent home the other day in two of the kids classes…i grilled the kids about who has been missing and scoured the school directory to match up families in both the classes, matched up neighbors and friends and made a do not touch list. We “forgot” back packs and used garbage bags, those nasty critters don’t need to pay a visit at my house.
    I love you said you would rather lose than cheat, that is in my opinion one if the best life lessons kids can learn

  2. There’s such a stigma with lice. Can’t you see how cute they are close up from my picture above? They’re always in school, somewhere. The letters come out when gym class gets to their tumbling unit. Then, it’s share and share alike.

    Love that you’re so hardcore! I wonder if I ever made the do-not-touch list as a kid. And I never even had lice!

    I wondered if I’d been to harsh on Lance after I hit ‘publish,’ but after your comment, I’m convinced I wasn’t. I tend to like the feel of a trophy or medal or any success my team’s earned over one I had to cheat for. Feel me, Barry Bonds?

  3. I think it’s absolutely fine that you just made your St. Patrick’s day cookies last night. There have been plenty of Decembers that I have moved around the 8 nights of Hanukkah to fit into our schedule better.

    Next time we have lice in our house I may ask you to help out. Moms DO indeed freak about about them. The only think I freak out about more, actually is baseball.

    1. They were delicious, too – like any of these kids would turn down a green cookie in April. I’d probably try to make the eight nights of Hanukkah fall on Pizza Fridays.

      Yeah, lice are no problem for dads. The Rockies pitching staff, however, is. Although, they’re still in first place, 3-1, with just 158 games to go!

  4. Ugh, to both lice on a bike and on your head. My husband is just coming out of mourning regarding Lance’s fall from grace. poor man; I was afraid I’d have to talk him down off the ledge there for awhile. As for the creepy hair crawlers, at least 10 notices have come home from my kids school — but so far our home has escaped infestation.

    What Happened In Budapest. Make it happen Hollywood!
    (although, for the record, I did rather enjoy Hansel & Gretel for just the fun ride it was. Also, Jeremy Renner and leather. because, of course.)

    1. I think I’d rather deal with the itchy scalp than to see Lance’s downfall. I really believed in him, so I can understand your husband’s disappointment. Between Lance Armstrong, Tiger Woods and Barry Bonds … well, I’m still proud to be American.

      Is it OK to say I’m ready for a movie with Jennifer Lawrence in a Rockies jersey?

  5. I still dole out candy canes and valentine’s treats… through summer. 😉 Lance? Pff. His character loses every time, no matter what sport. I love jam and jelly. Hungry now, but I was already too.

    1. Sweets is sweets, right? I’m sure the kids would take last year’s Halloween candy right about now.

      At least the Halloween candy was procured fair and square, I presume. You listening, Lance Armstrong?

      I’m hungry too. And I just had a snack.

  6. I had nits once in my hair…and I understand the term “nit picking” – with long thick hair, it takes forever! I haven’t had them on a bike? But I had baby spiders hatch on my bike, and that was makes my skin crawl to this day! MMmm…jam! In less than 2 months, I can go strawberry picking and make some! Too bad I can’t spread it on toast…toast is not gluten free! 😦 (but I could always cheat)

    1. You kind of feel like monkeys in the zoo when it comes time to pick nits. The louse on a bike I referred to was Lance Armstrong! He still makes me itchy. I’d almost prefer the baby spiders. At least they got there fair and square, I presume.

      I won’t tell anyone if you have jam on toast. Cheating with gluten is different in my book from cheating with performance-enhancing drugs – although Grace once scored a hat trick after I let her drink my Coke Zero!

  7. I always wanted to know the difference between jelly and jam and now when my kids ask me, I’ll know what to say. Lice sends me into an illogical, crazy panic. My kids have luckily (knocking on wood over here) not gotten it. See, I have a lot of big 80’s hair and if they ever land on my head, they will be there forever. Just the thought makes me itch.

    1. They’re both delicious, but it’s good to know the difference. I think lice panic is a mom thing. I know when the tumbling unit starts in gym class, our chances are good we’ll get itchy. My hair’s all bushy and unkempt right now, so I’m ripe for them too.

  8. I did a stint in K-8 once and no one, not one person wanted to check the kids who’d been sent home for lice upon their return (a school mandate), and it made the kids feel like crud. I volunteered to do it and had kids left and right sent to me. There really is a stigma attached to lice which is ridiculous because it’s def. not the kids’ fault. I hate stupid. I hate lice too. 🙂

    Hawkeye (I thought of M*A*S*H too) and Black Widow w/solo acts, hmmm… My youngest LOVES Hawkeye so that’d fly in my house, and I like seeing women be the super heroes, so I guess Black Widow would fly too (so long as it didn’t turn out cheesy like Catwoman). 😉

    Thanks for the clarification on jelly vs. jam. 🙂

    1. Isn’t that sad? It’s not like the plague. And every kid can get them, regardless of where they live. Stupid’s worse than lice.

      I know more about Marvel and DC Comics characters now than when I was a kid – my kids are into it, so I am, too. The way Black Widow kicked butt in The Avengers, I think there’s little chance for any cheesiness in her own flick.

      Go impress your family with your jelly/jam knowledge now.

    1. I believe men don’t worry as much when it comes to lice. Even if our heads get itchy! If it’s with sunbutter and toasted bread, I can go jam *or* jelly. Loved taking part in the #LMMLinup again.

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