5 For Friday: Go Ask Daddy About Kitty Doodoo, Hebrew Day School and Aye! Chihuahuas!

photo credit: Stéfan via photopin cc
photo credit: Stéfan via photopin cc

Most of my Go Ask Daddy questions come from the most diminutive kid in the triumvirate. It’s that raising third-grade mentality, at work.

There’s a question in this batch, though, that came from the 12-year-old. And it came as a result of a second (or was it third?) go-through of a Redbox DVD – “Parental Guidance,” with Billy Crystal. (Well, not with Billy Crystal. He was just in the movie).

A restaurant host in a pan-Asian restaurant called Healthy Tiger spoke about what made him pan-Asian also.

“I’m Chinese,” he proclaims with arms wide, “my wife’s Japanese, my kids are Korean, and they go to Hebrew Day School! Oy!”

I guess you’ll recognize her question below. Sorry for outing you, Marie. At least I don’t take you to Healthy Tiger, where everything is gluten-free, fat-free, and … taste-free.

1. How do cats know how to go in the litter box?

Do they? The evidence against it: The occasional dusty Tootsie rolls we find on the carpet.

Most cats don’t have such issues. And most kitties don’t have mama around to show them the secrets of the sand. It’s the same force of nature that lets a flying squirrel fly, a Chihuahua annoy, and a dodgers fan … act like a Chihuahua. Humans aren’t nearly as adept at this as the rest of nature.

(I’m sadly pleased with myself for referencing litter boxes and the dodgers in the same post.)

2. If you ran over a box of matches, would it catch on fire?

Grace, I know you wanted me to answer this question in the real world when you saw that box of matches spilled on the road – and I should have peeled out on them to see for myself.

Because the match would simply mush between the tire and road, it’s unlikely it would light on fire. Plus, unless you’re in the tread of the tire, you wouldn’t have oxygen, a key agent in fire. I envision a peel-out, all Starsky & Hutch style, our only bet for fire. And not a very good one.

If we see any more matches on the road, we’re so going to find out.

3. What is a Hebrew Day School?

Weren’t they on your school’s soccer schedule this season? Pretty sure we beat them 7-0.

A Hebrew day school is a Jewish school, first of all. Soille San Diego Hebrew Day School celebrates in 2013 50 years of excellence. You know how you girls excel when you’re in a comfort zone, with kids you share a lot in common with? That’s the idea behind a school like this, and it seems to work.

Even, cinematically, if you’re pan-Asian.

4. What does the heart on your license mean?

It means I get free steak every Friday.

I wish. It means I’m an organ donor. This is a one-time deal. And you might have to help me on this one. I hope you don’t ever have to. Or, if you do, it’s in 2113. Here’s the plan: If I should die in such a way that doctors could transplant my organs to save someone else’s life, they have my permission.

It’s only for life-saving operations, in my case. I choose not to donate my body to science. Although, there will probably be interest in my brain, to compare to other early primates. Hope they don’t get them mixed up.

5. Is there such a thing as a nice Chihuahua?

Depends on how far I can throw it.

I kid, I kid. Although, the little bugger who decided to snap at me just as I wound up to throw on No. 17 at the Eager Beaver disc golf course recently – and made me toss my disc into the thicket – could probably sail 30, 40 feet with the right crosswinds and a healthy windup. Theoretically.

Just like on the movie “Beverly Hills Chihuahua,” these little yippy dogs get along best with their own kind, which is fine with me. They can colonize in the Mazatlan peninsula, far away from the disc golf course. They won’t bother you, me, or any of the nice kids at the Hebrew Day School.

If your cats leave any more dusty Tootsie rolls around, they might wind up joining them.


  1. I love this and the Dodgers have much in common with litter boxes… But awesome job bringing that thought to mind.
    Don’t know um, but I love your girls!

    1. As a Rockies fan, we don’t care much for the dodgers. We can tolerate the giants and diamondbacks in small doses, and the padres … eh, take them or leave them.

      These girls are awesome – and I showed them your blog the other day. They’re so impressed with what you write and with y our sister’s art!

      1. That’s so cool, that they saw the blog.
        I’m a Phillies fan. This year has been tough, looks like the Braves are once again the team to beat in the East.
        Hope summer is going well there.

  2. laurie27wsmith says:

    Chihuahua hearts could be used for transplants, they will take any creature on no matter how big it is. By the sound of it you might enjoy sending them early in life for donation. 🙂

    1. It bothered me twice in my sleep last night that I slammed Chihuahuas so. Yes, they are nippy. Yes, they are mean. But, those are also great things about them, because they are fearless.

      In fact, when my u12 team took on (and stayed with, momentarily) a u15 team in a scrimmage this season, we likened them to Chihuahuas.

      In a good way.

      Chihuahuas? Accept my acceptance, but do know I hold a grudge for the disc-golf shot you ruined.

      1. laurie27wsmith says:

        I agree they are the nippiest, angriest, most spoilt little things on the planet. My ex and I had two long haired ones for 15 years and they took on a Brahman bull one day. One at the head the other at the tail. I don’t know what they were thinking, food maybe? Give me a dog that’s happy to lie at your feet and maybe go for a walk, come home and lie down again. perhaps even listen as you moan about your day. Now that’s a dog for a man.

      2. Being a bit short (and brown) myself, perhaps I should identify more with the dogs I share some heritage with. How did the Chihuahuas come out against the bull? That’s a site, my friend.

        There have been a small handful of pooches I’ve had a connection with over the years, and any one of them would have been of the mellow at your feet, spirited at the park variety. Man’s best friend, right?

      3. laurie27wsmith says:

        Mans best friend indeed. We don’t have a dog where we live now, there are too many wild dogs and dingos getting around in packs. Some of the neighbours (well away from us) have dogs and these packs make a bee line for them. There are some nights when it sounds like a horror movie with all the howling and yelping. With the Chihuahuas we lived in a rural residential area, (10 acre blocks) and had moved to another property. The neighbours had Brahman cattle and the dogs saw them, raced across the paddock and bailed this bull up. It was hilarious. More heart than smart I reckon. The new neighbours loved it, loved it even more when our big old cat went and cleaned all the mice out of their chicken coop. We made our mark. 🙂

      4. I’d have bought a ticket to that show.

  3. Yip yip yip yip yip yip. I hate those nasty little dogs. Oy. (Oh, and tell the girls they can use that word if they EVER lose a soccer game against kids in a Hebrew Day School. 🙂 This from the Jewish girl. Word.

    1. I get mad all over again when I think of the one on the disc golf course. I was so on a roll then. And I had to schlep through the mud and snakes to get my errant disc. Thanks mutt.

      It’s funny – to get the kids’ attention at soccer practice, I’ll yell “Oy!” and the kids repeat “oy!”, and order is restored. And I didn’t even go to Hebrew Day School.

      You’re our favorite Jewish girl, you know. Word. Oy.

  4. Teri says:

    Love the dodgers fans dig. Hate Chihuahuas myself. They rank right up there with teacup ANYTHINGS. Mazel Tov on the Hebrew Day School answer. And there’s a special place in heaven for organ donors. We lost a good friend and family member recently who was the recipient of a heart transplant years ago. That event made me become an organ donor.

    Great questions this week, ladies! Great answers, Dad.

    1. Any time you can equate the dodgers with pet waste, move forward. I can’t imagine the annoyance of a teacup dodgers fan, but I’m sure they exist.

      I know your story about organ donation. It’s like when you’re at the fair and have two tickets left, and give them to someone just coming in. Hopefully, your gift on the way out will give someone else another ride.

  5. Rorybore says:

    I can lite a match on my zipper.
    I went to cowgirl school to learn that.
    no yippy dogs were harmed in the stunt, but I did startle my horse when the whole matchbox went up in flames.

    1. It’s times like this I wish you were a vlogger, so you could replicate the feat.

      Cowgirl school? Where do I sign up my kids?

  6. TexWisGirl says:

    well, i’ve only had one indoor cat (whom i adored as she acted more doggish than cattish), i’m a big dog person, myself. the matchbox peel-out could be a cool experiment! and i have a heart on my license, too. 🙂

    1. I prefer the doggish cat to the cattish cat. I wonder if someone’s already asked Myth Busters about the matches.

      It comes as no surprise to me that there’s a heart on your license – there’s heart all over you blog, too.

  7. My youngest son wants a Chihuahua…I have no idea why. We have always had big dogs. We have cats that big. Plus we have 7 pets already. And I would prefer the cats go outside in the great litter box of the outdoors so I don’t have to clean the indoor one. For the most part they do, at least this time of year.

    1. If he gets one, you should train it to bring me a small keg of rum if I’m ever stranded in a blizzard. If you’re going to go with dogs, big is the way to go – although, big dogs make big … messes.

      With seven pets – will you notice a Chihuahua? My guess is yes, the moment he opens his mouth.

      Every time I scoop up loads out of the litter box, I question my standing not only as a man but a human being. Who’s keeping who?

  8. Chihuahuas and cats are not my friends, but my daughter wants a rabbit and a pony, so the jury is out on what exactly we can all agree on. I say a dog with one blue eye. Happy Father’s Day to you!

    1. Too bad there’s not a pony/rabbit hybrid, that you can take out for a gallop and then put up in a cage, feed cabbage to and just clean up little pellet poop from.

      Would you settle for a donkey with one eye?

      Thank you for the Happy Father’s Day wishes – it’s been a great day.

  9. My husband LOVES Chihuahuas! And…he wants one. We already have a Maltese…not sure adding a chihuahua would be such a good thing! lol
    Happy Father’s Day! =)

    1. I feared I’d get a lot of backlash from Chihuahua lovers, but it just hasn’t happened. If you get the Chihuahua, be sure to post vlogs when it mixes it up with the Maltese!

      thanks for the Father’s Day wishes … it was an awesome day for me.

  10. Loved the Dodgers – Chihuahua analogy. We share the same feelings about chihuahuas. They’re either barking, snapping, or shaking…sometimes just like their owners. Luckily, I had mild mannered sporting breeds. 🙂

    1. I never miss a chance to heap some dirt on the dodgers, lakers or raiders. All lowercase, as you can see. Do Chihuahuas act like their owners, or do their owners act like their Chihuahuas?

      Sporting breeds always have a leg up (see what I did there?)

  11. I’m tempted to go dump a box of matches out on the road to see what happens. In front of someone else’s house, though.

    1. I’d come outside and watch, Robin. Even if it was in front of my house. Roll the tape.

  12. Thanks for visiting my blog! I love connecting with new, interesting people and I can already tell that I’ll be back to read more of your stuff.
    Love that 5 for Friday concept! Also – I have had my share of watching Parental Guidance. And Pitch Perfect….

    1. Thanks Kerstin! There’s a new Disney show on in the other room I’m trying to avoid. I can’t hear the dialog, but I’m reasonably sure it’s smart-ass toward parents!

  13. lol @ how far you can throw a Chihuahua

    Chihuahua (tʃɪˈwɑːwɑː, -wə)
    — n
    3. a breed of tiny dog originally from Mexico, having short smooth hair, large erect ears, and protruding eyes

    1. I’d say, 20 or 30 feet. 40, if they’ve just botched my disc-golf toss. Pendejitos.

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