5 For Friday: Go Ask Daddy About Bald Cheerleaders, Grocery Store Sarcasm and White Rappers


photo credit: JD Hancock via photopin cc
photo credit: JD Hancock via photopin cc

So, this whole Ke$ha scandal has really rocked me.

GAD GRAPHICIs this fair?

Should it matter what a musician drinks, even if it’s filtered through her own kidneys? Who am I to say?

Maybe I’ve overreacted. Maybe I’ve reacted all knee-jerk. Maybe it’s like I’m tossing out the butter-heavy southern celebrity cook with the racially insensitive comments from yesteryear.

Anyway, the readers have spoken, and they’ve crowned Norah Jones as my new Music Muse.

With thoughtful, soulful lyrics, an angelic voice, and music chock full of poignancy and positivity, isn’t Norah Jones the perfect anecdote for the Ke$ha mess?

But as Grace and I ran errands today, “Crazy People” came on the radio.

“Hello … wherever you are … are you dancing on the dance floor or drinking by the bar?”

“Daddy,” she said with a smirk. “It’s your girl, Ke$ha. Aren’t you going to turn it up?

“The crazy kids, them crazy, them crazy kids …”

I did. I turned it up. And smirked, too.

“It’s Ke$ha in the casa, baby … Let’s-let’s get-get loco!”

On with the questions:

1. Has that cheerleader’s hair grown back?

Megan M.’s chromedome days are over.

Presumably.

Megan, the Indianapolis Colts cheerleader who made good on a promise to shave her head if the team’s mascot could raise $10,000 for cancer research, is seven months from a tight buzz cut, administered at the Colts’ stadium.

But, there’s no word online about how her locks are recovering.

Megan gave up her hair for a great cause – in support of Leukemia research in honor of Colts coach Chuck Pagano, who was diagnosed last season. You can still contribute to the fund today.

2. Can you get carded for slugging a teammate?

 

Man, I’m just two questions in, and I’m beat – these are tough ones this time!

By FIFA rules, you’ll get a red card – and expulsion from the match – for being “guilty of violent conduct.” This goes for opponents, officials, team moms, whoever. A goalkeeper in a Ukrainian league got sent off after he nailed his teammate with a left hook.

Their opponents had to bust up the scuffle.

Apparently a knuckle sandwich is a delicacy worth sharing in Ukraine.

 3. Why did you say “thank you” to that lady in the deli after she was so mean?

 

Did it look like I was trying to be nice? I wasn’t, exactly.

When that lady scowled at us for asking for cookies after she’d already started cleaning up for her shift, but before the deli closed, it ticked me off. When we grown-ups get ticked at things like that, we counter with what we call “passive aggressive” behavior.

We sound like we’re neutral or nice, but have a sting of mean behind it.

She’s on the clock. We’re customers. She should be nice. If she has no cookies for good little girls, fine. Don’t ever scowl at customers. Her boss wouldn’t have been happy. She didn’t know that we weren’t picking out lunch meat for a platter for a loved one’s wake.

Or that I’d be deployed tomorrow, and this was our last day together.

I didn’t take into consideration that she might have just lost a loved one. To death or military service. Or both.

So when I snapped back with the sarcastic “thank you” to her perceived bitterness, I was stitching a seam in my own issues, it seems. If I had it to do again, I might act with compassion, not callousness. Given her the benefit of the doubt.

Thank you for reminding me.

4. Is your brain solid, liquid or gas?

 

It depends on which blog I’ve just written. Lately, my vote would be for gas.

Solids have shape, and don’t flow. Liquid flows, without shape. Gas has no shape, but flows. A human brain, mostly water (presumably, although I’ve seen footage of soccer fans that might prove it to be something of a higher proof), would be considered solid.

Mine often feels as if it’s in that expanse between Alfredo sauce and puddin’.

Is Eminem white?

White M&Ms?

No, I know better (a colleague in the sports-writing world once referred to the Caucasian rapper as “M&M” in a basketball story, proving once and for all that pop-culture references have no place in the guild of day-to-day sports reporting).

Eminem, also known as Marshall Bruce Matthers III, is white.

He’s often angrier than a deli/bakery associate just before closing time, though. Will listening to too many of his lyrics put your brain in the “gas” category quicker than you can knock out a teammate? It depends on the song.

He’s also a dad and an artist. Maybe I should give him the benefit of the doubt, too.

*-this video contains the F word.

Advertisements

20 thoughts on “5 For Friday: Go Ask Daddy About Bald Cheerleaders, Grocery Store Sarcasm and White Rappers

    1. Isn’t she cool? It makes me wish I didn’t chicken out when I had the thought to shave my head in honor of my dad when he battled leukemia.

      You’re right – I bet Megan’s family life was great. We should tweet her our thanks!

      1. Next time, Nelson, just proclaim it in honor of a cancer patient near you. I only wish I’d done that for my dad!

        I’ve always maintained that if I start losing my hair, I’ll go chrome-dome. Wonder if I’ll follow through.

  1. Another great Friday post. I like your take on the cookie monster at your lack deli. It’s difficult for me but I will remember in the future that the mean person is not just an obstacle but a person. Hmmm..
    Good choice Norah is simply amazing! I think you can like someone’s music and not them personally or vise verses. I think Eminem is a better person than his music suggest. I also admire quite a few musicians for their art but not who they are.
    Anyways, I love your post, always so insightful. Have to wonder which one of your daughters teammates spawned the need to know if a card follows a punch? I’ve had a few over the years that brought it to mind. Best thing about teammates is we may want to punch them sometimes but if an opponent tries it, they better punch us all.
    Thanks for making Fridays better!

    1. Thank you! We’ve since found a really nice dude named Dale at another grocery store who is really nice to the girls, and even asked about Grace last time I was there with Marie.

      A Norah song always seems to come on just at the right time in my day on Pandora. And I try to identify with Eminem’s dad side, because I know it’s there and it seems important to him. That’s good.

      The red-card question came from Grace – I don’t think she’s wanted to punch a teammate, unless you count her sisters.

      That’s the cool thing about teammates: In the end, your bond with them is far greater than any adversity. When you wear the same shirt, you’re one.

  2. Quite the mix today, pudding brain, I like that. I shaved my head when I was working as a prison officer, one of the inmates asked if I was angling for a free trip to Disneyland with all the other cancer kids. Cheeky sod. It’s hard handling narky shop assistants, you never know they may have had the customer from hell before you. We just don’t know, though if you are constantly ticked off with your job and hate working with people then one should look at becoming an undertaker.
    Cheers
    Laurie.

    1. My brain often feels like puddin’. I had a cheeky sod involved with an accidental chrome-dome of my own: A woman who kept cutting the sides of my hair until all there was left was a tuft on top. “Oops” is not a word you want to hear from your stylist. I told her to just shave the rest. My loved ones were shocked to hear that I actually paid for the haircut – and left a tip to boot.

      I think if my deli woman had switched vocations and gone to the funeral home, she’d consider a busy day of stiffs quite inconvenient to her – as if people were dying AT her or something.

      1. They say it’s always a fortnight between a good and a bad haircut, it’s a 6 months for a chrome dome. I love that, dying at her. Some people shouldn’t work with the public, they need to sit in coal mines and keep a tally sheet or something.
        Cheers
        Laurie.

  3. Your deli story resonated…I had a nasty librarian once. My books were a few days overdue and she was personally offended (and offensive). They were late b/c I was out of town at my best friend’s funeral…I apologized, politely told her why they were late, paid my bill and walked out. For once, I acted graciously, but normally that sarcastic, “me first” side comes boldly shining through, setting a poor example for the little feet behind me.

    1. Hopefully, she saw the human side of those she swiped at. I always thought that if someone was rude to me in traffic, and then I saw them miles later with car trouble on the side of the road, I’d get a bit of a character test. Would I stop and help? I hope that I would.

      It’s hard to remember that you’re always center stage for those little feet behind us, isn’t it? That’s a blog post in itself.

    1. At first, Grace was all, “why were you nice to her?” Which is surprising, because she’s logged enough hours of Zach and Cody to know what sarcasm is. She thought I went easy on the lady. I did deliver the sarcasm with a smile.

      There’s a dude at another store who is so nice and attentive with us when we visit, and we had to let the manager know how cool he is.

  4. Yay!! Norah Jones for the win!!!
    My daughter had to shave the front of her head a couple of years ago, thanks to a nasty cut (I said – STOP running in the house!!!!!) that required stitches. She was less thrilled than Megan. And now her little sister has longer hair than her. This is very important and wrong I am told. whatev. Stop running in the house!!!

    1. Norah’s just too awesome to ignore, but Cher Lloyd really gets me, too. Can’t we all just get along?

      Now I’m picturing my girls with shaved fronts of heads, and it looks to me like an over-the-hill rock band. Part of me kinda wants to see that. Does that make me a bad dad?

Say what you need to say

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s