1. My 6 year old daughter, who’s a Shorty like me, told me yesterday that she is short because, and I quote, “I’m not whole yet.”

    Out of the mouths of babes…..

    1. Dude, I’m not whole yet either. I’m hopeful for a fifth-decade growth spurt.

  2. Kim says:

    I love these!!! Fun for a Monday!! Oh, when my youngest was about 5 or 6 he could belt out “It’s 5 O’Clock Somewhere” with the best of them – not gonna lie, it made me smile since that song is one of my theme songs!!

    1. Thanks Kim! People talk about how Monday sucks, but i beg to differ.

      For a 5-year-old, maybe 5 o’clock is when the cookies come out of the oven.

      Dad’ll take a margarita.

  3. “when I go to my brothers school, I’m gonna make skids everywhere”
    If you thought that skids were a moist fart you were wrong…he wants to take his bike… But he is a little boy, so I don’t chance things and do a shorts check

    1. That sounds like a line out of a rap song.

      The bike might be to deliver the “goods” a little quicker.

      Better check the bike seat, too.

  4. Tamara says:

    Scarlet yesterday:
    “Can we go apple picking? Can we go tiara picking? Can we go dingleberry picking?”
    I don’t even know where she got the term “dingleberry” from. She’s four. I blame my sister, actually. It wasn’t me, although…well I’m not the best language role model.
    I put that one on Facebook and it got me a lot of “likes.” No doubt.

    1. Dingleberries are traditionally a dad/daughter discussion, but aunts can fit the bill.

      So long as you don’t pick them with your tiara.

      And you wash your hands before you pick the apples.

  5. Dana says:

    “I’m funny. And inappropriate.But mostly funny.” said my teenage daughter after making a joke involving female anatomy. I should have reprimanded her, but I was secretly kinda proud of her wit.

    1. Again, prime for a T-shirt. Wit trumps inappropriate behavior. The worse the behavior, the wittier the kid better be.

  6. LOVE this Eli!!! So SO good to be back reading your brilliant take on the things your kids say. My latest from Cade: He was talking about how this kid at recess plays soccer unfairly by breaking all the rules. He also said this kid calls people bad names and the girls laugh at him. Then he said: “The girls like him mom… just like the movies. The bad guys always get the girls.” HA!

    1. Thanks CC. I tried to get all fancy with my schedule, but I’m back now.

      Cade’s right though! And the bad guy always plays on the red team, and has thuggy friends, one of which tries to reason with him not to be so mean, but can’t budge him. In kids movies, the good kid in blue wins the game and the girl. In real life …

  7. Adorable. I shudder to think the things that my future children will come up with. If they turn out as weird as me or my husband we’re in for a treat. This reminded me of when I was young and so proud to show my mom that I knew all the worlds to Red Hot Chili Pepper’s Give it Away Now. My mom was a bit horrified, but I had no idea what the words meant.

    1. Don’t shudder – it’s mostly entertaining, even if they say something in front of strangers or grandparents. Or strange grandparents.

      I told my mom about a boy yelling at the girls “hump me baby!” in fourth grade, not knowing what the heck it meant. She held in the laughter beautifully.

  8. Let’s see…rifling through my bedside table…”Ooo…Trojan candy”! Um..it’s not what you think it is…and you shouldn’t try it until you’re married….yeah…

    1. If that’s all that was found in the bedside table …

      I bet they make killer water balloons.

  9. Children really do come up with the greatest quotes. My oldest has had some memorable ones that I have written about. One of my favourites is: “Morning is the worst. Dessert is the best time of the day.” 🙂

    1. Emerson and Twain have nothing on a kid. Send me a link to the post you mentioned!

      And, amen to the dessert claim. Maybe we should improve morning by having dessert then.

  10. Love these! My kids come up with some of the funniest lines and quotes; of course I can’t remember any of them now, but they often make me laugh. Then I ask them where on earth did they hear such a thing? The usual answer: from you, Mom.

    1. Thanks Leah. Sometimes, those quotes are better left between kid and parent, anyway – or saved for yearbook, senior year.

      Maybe the kids got a hold of your yearbook.

  11. Love this, Eli! I especially love that your daughter got so dirty from playing hard and kicking butt. My favorite recently from my 5 year old to my 65 year old aunt: “When did you get so old?” Ahem.

    1. Thanks – kids are so … bloggable. And that’s how all my girls play – I wrote a guest post on Ilene Evans’ blog about the role of the midfielder, and all the hard work they have to do, for so very little glory.

      So what was your aunt’s answer? I think every little kid has a little Yogi Berra in him. Or maybe Yogi Berra never stopped being a little kid.

  12. I love that song! They better not be trying any of that. Or I don’t want to know about it. Thankfully my kids don’t seem to be anything like their father was at their age. We’d have our hands full. I used to cringe years ago, when my youngest would sing along to completely inappropriate songs in the car and I’d wonder what on earth I was doing. But at the same time, couldn’t bring myself to pop those kiddy cds back in…you know, third child.

    1. I can take that song – like a few they sing along to – in small doses. This is why half of Bruno Mars’ work must be censored, too.

      So what fatherly traits would they display in your worst nightmare? Think about it though – didn’t we sing stuff like “Afternoon Delight” and “The Joker” when we were kids?

      I do remember singing “Feel Like Making Love” in the backseat of our Mercury Cougar when I was a kid. But the ‘rents didn’t stop me.

      Lastly, you bring up something entirely blog-worthy: The kiddy CDs. Some are two shades lighter than water-boarding.

      Do I want “Wheels on the Bus” or Selena Gomez songs? Talk about picking your torture.

  13. My middle child is a quote-machine. I need to start writing them down!

    1. Don’t waste that kind of blogging resource, Cynthia. We feed/house/raise the kids all their young lives, it’s not wrong to use them for blogging purposes.

  14. gina4star says:

    This made me smile so much! Your girls are adorable! Think my favourite has to be the first one “Just because we sing it, doesn’t mean we’ll do it!” Brilliant! 🙂

    1. Me too, Gina, when I heard them firsthand! They’re a handful of lots of stuff, for sure. I really wish I could get that first one in writing.

      Thanks, Kid Rock.

  15. anotherjennifer says:

    I don’t have enough paper to write down all the quotes my 4 year old gives me. Everything is a story to him. He’d never say #3 though. I’m too much of an influence on him.

    1. They do come fast and furious, don’t they? I bet he’d someday say “bacon is always a good idea.” He probably already does.

  16. laurie27wsmith says:

    Sadly I have to eavesdrop on the quotes from small kids through these pages Eli, they’re great and always make me smile.

    1. I think kids have no filters; later in life we don’t have filters, either. I’m beginning to lose mine.

      1. laurie27wsmith says:

        Yep, lost mine years ago. It’s a good job I could fight.

  17. Tricia says:

    Ooh I love kid quotes. And of course I can’t think of my of my daughter’s now! Really gotta start writing them down!

    1. Kid quotes are the deep dish pizza of the buffet world. Jot yours down, and blog about it. It’s a precious resource for the blog mom.

  18. I can totally relate to the struggle to make sure our kids aren’t singing along to totally inappropriate songs. My daughter – who turns 4 on Saturday – has the uncanny ability to pick up song lyrics in no time. Some of her favorites – Rumor Has It, Moves Like Jagger, and Whistle, Baby. YES, I know. Total parenting FAIL!

    1. It’s impossible to keep it 100 percent wholesome, without going back to those kiddie CDs. Not going there. That Whistle song: I think these “artists” purposely make their nasty stuff catchy for the kiddos to make we parents squirm a bit. Not a TOTAL parenting fail – my kid sang “it’s a quarter after 1/I’m a little drunk/and I need you now!” in the middle of Wal-mart when she was little.

      Thanks Lady Antebellum.

  19. mandyisgr8 says:

    my daughter’s fav song at age 4: womanizer by brittney spears. a close second was so what? by p!nk…

    1. Wow. Talk about role models.

      1. mandyisgr8 says:

        eh. it’s ok. at 4, she didn’t understand what the songs were about. she just loved to dance to the beats. she’s 8 now, and doesn’t even know who brittney spears is. i’m good with that. 🙂

  20. mandyisgr8 says:

    ha! found the video of her dancing…please ignore the crazy bird in the background! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G9AKHF-pEY8 she can shake that cute booty!

    1. Where’d she learn that?

      1. mandyisgr8 says:

        from her mother of course. 😉

  21. Rorybore says:

    Love that Kid Rock song!
    My fave “give back that mom of the year award” moment was when all the precious little children were lined up at my bus stop, and one little 5 year old proceeded to a lead a sing-a-long to Kesha’s “Tick Tock”…..”brush my teeth with a bottle of jack…” Nice. So there are my little sweethearts, children of a cop, singing about how the “po-po shut us down”. You’re welcome honey!
    The other day, my 8 year old son told his Hannah Montana singing sister that “I found your personal brand of entertainment annoying.”
    well played son. Also, timely. 🙂

    1. Well, if dad ever stopped them when they misbehaved, then technically, the po-po shut them down. And you know how I feel about Ke$ha. Can’t quit the little pee-pee sipper.

      Someone should have told Miley that during rehearsals, methinks.

  22. fcannady says:

    Enjoying your blog tremendously! My daughter is now 25 and STILL provides me with some great quotes. However I find more screenshots of our convo’s on her Instagram because I have shocked her in some way. Proud of that.

    1. Thanks! Quotes are right up there with tax write-offs as great reasons to have kids. If you’re still shocking her after 25 years, you’re doing something write!

      You should blog about these Instagram-worthy convos!

      1. fcannady says:

        I should. But my mom reads my blog. And she provides a LOT of material.

      2. You should write those blogs in French. Your mom doesn’t know French, does she?

      3. fcannady says:

        My mother only speaks Deep South. 🙂 The mother-in-law is French though and she would probably translate under duress.

      4. Bless her heart. Isn’t that what they say?

      5. fcannady says:

        Among other things, yes. LoL

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