Guest Post: Raine of Pursuit of Peace Talks About a Man’s Influence on Her Child


car

One day, I saw a pretty woman driving a car.

She sang and smiled, both to a happy boy strapped in a car seat in the back of her car. He smiled and appeared to sing, too.

Her license plate read “Noah N me,” and there were small stick figures in the back window of her small car of a smiling woman and a smiling boy. There’s a bond between a single parent and a child, because the parent sometimes has to pull double duty.

Single parenting is not easy, though. There are struggles, times when a parent feels all alone, times when they feel overwhelmed. It can feel that way even with the support of a loving spouse, of course. Parenting is smiling and singing, but it’s also weeping and screaming.

Please welcome Raine, author of the blog Pursuit of Peace. She writes a loving and honest blog about life raising her 6-year-old son, Ryder, on her own. You’ll love the brevity of her posts, delivered just like a small plate of Christmas cookies, or a blunt uppercut to the solar plexus. Whatever’s needed.

Today, she’s written an open-ended post in succinct Raine style, and I believe it’ll get the conversation going among my incredible readership. Give us your thoughts, and be sure to check out Raine’s work, on everything from depression to Boy Scouts to how to afford a summer vacation.

# # #

Chocolate

Sometimes not having a man around the house is awesome – no unnecessary cable bills, no snoring, no violent video games, no one eating my chocolate, no one to disagree with me.

But then sometimes it would be nice – opening a jar, helping carry stuff from the car, picking up/dropping off, helping with housework, an adult to talk to. There are many lessons that I can teach my son without help – how to be kind, how to tie his shoes, honesty, crafts, the importance of a dollar.

There are some lessons, though, that I just cannot teach him – how to pee behind a tree, how to “shake it first,” urinal etiquette, well, mostly bathroom issues.

Thankfully, my father is around. He can help my son with the man-stuff. Grandpa helps him ride his bike, read a book, make me gifts, listen to country music, and, yes, takes him into the men’s room. He loves being able to go into the men’s room.

Makes him feel like a “real man” (said in a silly bass voice – thank you SpongeBob).

How important is a man’s influence in your child’s life?

Leon hot air balloon festival 2010

photo credit for top image: Bruce M Walker via photopin cc

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57 Replies to “Guest Post: Raine of Pursuit of Peace Talks About a Man’s Influence on Her Child”

  1. Hi Raine!
    The man in a child’s llife doesn’t have to be the biological father…I agree with you about that. My daughter’s twins have been lucky to have their Gramps as the stabilizing man in their lives as she transitioned from a bad marriage and divorce to a new, stable, loving relationship, a journey that took about four yeara. I’m glad your dad has been there for you, and your son. That kind of support and relationship is priceless.

    1. I completely agree! I am very glad your granddaughters have their Gramps, as well. Some children are not as lucky. It is very difficult to go through a divorce and knowing that you have support for you and your child is so important.

  2. I am so thankful my daughters have strong male role models in their lives. I know the true identity of the tickle monster in our house, and it’s not me! And my youngest absolutely goes NUTS when she sees her grandpas. It’s enough to turn even the gruffiest papa to a pile of mush!

  3. Grandfathers can play such an important role in a child’s life. And I agree with the others, a father figure can come in so many different roles – other men, coaches, and ultimately, you. And, in the meantime, keep working on the peeing behind the tree thing (that really made me laugh!). Lovely post.

    1. Thank you! I think that is one of the most important things in blogging – identifying with the author. I mean, that is really why we are here – trying to connect with others.

  4. I love the name Ryder. It’s my top pick if we have another son! This whole post is snowing, which is delightful. Eli, how did you do that??
    Back to the conversation at hand, I think it’s so wonderful that your son and YOU have your dad around. I can’t really comment on how much kids need male and female role models since I have no idea, but I imagine Ryder has the love and support he needs from you and your dad, and role models can come from non-parental places. In fact, I think it’s necessary that it does. My kids are very close with their dad and my dad. Sometimes I actually get envious but I know how much they need me as well.

    1. You can totally steal the name if you want πŸ˜‰ That is true, they need you just as much! It is sad, but a lot of times the role models have to come from non parental places because the parents are not good role models. I know Ryder is lucky to have one good parent, at least πŸ™‚

  5. Great post, Raine! It’s awesome that your dad is present in your son’s life. I have been a single parent and having a male presence is so important. My dad and brother weren’t the best influences, lol, but they did what they could. During that time, there were some magnificent women who stepped in to help me raise my son. I believe that entire mix of people helped shape him into the young man he is today. It’s great to read posts like this, where a single parent can admit that life isn’t always peaches and cream. Thanks Eli for showcasing!

    1. Thank you! It truly takes a village. I have a hard time with that, though, because I hate asking for help. Even to have my parents babysit is difficult for me. It is so important to have people to help – better for you and your child.

      1. Relatives babysitting is just a great opportunity for them to bond. Put it this way, and never ever call it babysitting, lest they expect babysitters’ wages.

  6. I am so thankful to the wonderful men in my family who all became surrogate daddies – in addition to grandfather, uncle, cousin – to a little girl who didn’t have a daddy around. Being raised by a single parent is awesome in one way; the bond my mom and I have is so strong. It’s incredible. But… even with some great male influence in my life growing up, not having that daily presence/affirmation/reassurance from a strong male figure became more of an issue as a young woman, than when I was a child. Suffice to say: I didn’t much like them. ha Heck – I’d lived without one this long, what the heck did I need a man now for? LOL
    Obviously, with maturity, I changed my mind about that. But relationships were definitely challenging. and still are somewhat. Thankfully those early influences helped me to choose wisely.

    1. I worry about that too. I worry that not having a man around daily will become an issue later in his life. I can only do what I can, though. I’m sure your mom did her best as well πŸ™‚

    2. Rory – probably the most important role I play in my children’s lives is an example, I hope, of what a man should be. I don’t always get it right, but I hope to help establish some high expectations.

  7. Grandpas are awesome. Your son is lucky to have him so close. With today’s non- traditional family unit, I think it’s just important to have good people surrounding your kid, a support system that loves them. My parents split, and though I later got a step-dad, I think I grew up knowing that family was just who loves you. Blood relation isn’t that important.

    1. Who wants to invest in the child? That’s what it’s all about. I’m not talking money, I’m talking the attention and conscious presence in their lives. Great comment, Stevie.

  8. Fantastic post Eli and thank you for introducing us to Raine! My father raised me and I’m forever grateful for that. Raine’s words echo across the board exactly what has been said by the single mom’s I’ve dated and the one’s I have for friends over my lifetime. My best life buddy, Tony, is a single father and does an amazingly wonderful job with his little pride and joy, Talissa. I know it’s gets hard sometimes, but you are doing fantastic and the joy and reward will only multiple everyday going forward. God bless you all! πŸ™‚

    1. Thank you πŸ™‚ It is definitely the most difficult thing I’ve ever done, but also the most rewarding, by far! It’s so nice to hear about good dads – something the single mom community seems to lack.

  9. I am not a single mom, but I still need the help of other men (and woman) to step in and help me raise my kids. I am a big fan of the village approach! I have tried to surround my kids with positive role models from both genders that help reinforce what I say and do as well as filling in the gaps in my own parenting. Your son is very fortunate to have an involved grandfather!

    1. That is so important – and that is a great point, that you need other great role models whether you are raising them alone or in a partnership. God knows there are enough gaps in my parenting πŸ˜‰

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