Some of McDonald’s drive-thrus are open 24/7, and my kids’ brains aren’t far behind.
It’s not always for good. Luckily, much of their thinking time is spent on Avengers heroes, pizza toppings and Go Ask Daddy questions (that’s paternity certainty that not even Maury Povich can get).
Keeps them off the streets.
I’ve avoided most potty questions and nearly everything they might see on Friends reruns and How I Met Your Mother commercials. There have been close calls – Grace, still in a car seat, once picked up an issue of Creative Loafing off the piles of socks and snacks in my backseat.
She regarded the cover for a moment, then flipped it over – to a full-page topless bar ad.
I braced for questions. She folded her little arms over her lap, let out a deep breath and scanned the page.
Lap dances.
Drink specials.
Free buffet.
Hottest ladies in Charlotte!
Luckily, this is my kid. She probably got stuck on the free buffet. In front of the TV or among aisles at the antique mall, though, thoughts go to other places.
1. Who is James Gang?
He’s not a who, but a what.
James Gang is a rock band that started in 1966. They go on the lam for a decade or so, or two – they were inactive from 1977-1996 – then resurface like a broke cousin. They’ve had 22 band members, roughly the same number of relief pitchers the Colorado Rockies run through in an average season.
One dude in that lineup is noteworthy.
Joe Walsh, of Eagles fame, got his start with James Gang.
2. What does the JC in JC Penney stand for?
Jennifer Lawrence is Cool. (I know, but it’d been so long since she’d made an appearance here). This struggling retailer gets kicked around like a James Gang record at a garage sale. Kohl’s and Belk regularly steal its lunch money, in fact.
The JC is for James Cash, who changed the name from the Golden Rule to JC Penney when he bought the majority of the company in 1913.
JC Penney lost $1 billion in 2012 – a much worse performance than the Colorado Rockies’ bullpen.
3 What does ‘plush’ mean?
Finally, Merriam-Webster and the Urban Dictionary agree on something! Merriam-Webster describes plush as notably luxurious, not unlike your dad’s 2003 Pontiac Grand Am. The Urban Dictionary says it means
The Urban Dictionary says it means something soft, comfortable and luxurious. It also provides the synonyms hot, awesome, phat, cool, dope, slick, ill, neat, good.
Any of which might have appeared in that nudie-bar ad Grace saw. Parenting magazines only in the car, from now on.
4. What colleges play hockey?
Mostly northern schools, specifically, according to College Hockey Inc., Air Force, AIC, Alaska, Alaska-Anchorage, Army, Bemidji State, Bentley, Boston College, Boston University, Bowling Green, Brown, Canisius, Clarkson, Colgate, Colorado College, Connecticut, Dartmouth, Denver, Ferris State, Harvard, Holy Cross, Lake Superior State, Maine, Massachusetts, Massachusetts-Lowell, Mercyhurst, Merrimack, Miami (Ohio), Michigan, Michigan State, Michigan Tech, Minnesota, Minnesota-Duluth, Minnesota State, Nebraska-Omaha, New Hampshire, Niagara, Northeastern, North Dakota, Northern Michigan, Notre Dame, Ohio State, Penn State, Princeton, Providence, Quinnipiac, Rensselaer, Robert Morris, RIT, Sacred Heart, St. Cloud State, St. Lawrence, Union, Vermont, Western Michigan, Wisconsin, and Yale.
That’s about it, I say in Forrest Gump style.
Yeah, and Alabama-Huntsville. Can you believe that? They play in the Western Collegiate Hockey Association, with Alaska, Lake Superior, and Minnesota State. Road trips for those teams must feel pretty plush. And I don’t mean phat.
5. Who was the first to discover the suspected money pit on Oak Island?
In 1795, teenager Dan McGinnis found a circular depression in the ground on Oak Island, Nova Scotia. He also found parts of a pulley. With visions of pirate treasure in his head, he came back with friends to investigate.
(They didn’t have Grand Theft Auto in 1795 – this was entertainment.)
The boys began a quest that continues today, wrought with intrigue and mystery and even tragedy and a curse. Two Michigan businessmen, Rick and Marty Lagina, bought most of Oak Island in a quest to discover what is buried beneath.
We’ve all really gotten into the show The Curse of Oak Island this season. So, I tried not to do too much research for this part of the post.
Six people have died in search of the treasure, which could be anything from Spanish gold to Francis Bacon’s evidence he wrote William Shakespeare’s plays. The curse says seven must die.
The fuddy-dud camp says it’s just a sinkhole. Way to bring broccoli to the tailgate party, man. I hope they’ll find a pirate treasure, Marie Antoinette’s jewels, Al Capone, Richard Simmons, the Colonel’s recipe … something. Anything.
My luck, it’ll be a JC Penney catalog.
Just a dad ... 
Now yo know why I hate shopping in JC Penny’s! Seriously can only imagine what they will find and hope you do update us. Happy Friday 🙂
I almost feel like shopping at Penney’s out of sympathy. I really hope there’s gold or something profound in the bottom of that shaft … maybe I should take up a shovel and lend a hand.
Phat and plush are synonymous? Who knew, other than the dictionary of course.
There are many other uses of ‘plush’ that I haven’t delved into. but yeah, one can be phat and plush, and probably more easily than they can be one and not the other.
I’m not fat, I’m plush! I think I like the sound of that LOL.
I think plush means curvy, too … so does that apply to me too?
LOL. I think curvy may be more feminine term, but then you know your body type better than we do.
I’m just, aerodynamic. Not many sharp corners.
Doubt my girls have a future in ice hockey unless we relocate. I don’t think the temporary holiday ice rink at Bristol Motor Speedway supports a youth league. If they pick up the sport while on a plush academic scholarship at Harvard, Princeton, or Yale, that’d be a’ight.
Keep their pretty teeth in their mouths – let them run or play soccer, although I know sometimes runners (and soccer players) lose a tooth or two now and then.
An Ivy League school would be plush, and I heard on NPR they want more “diversity,” meaning minorities and poor kids. I’ll send them three!
Wow – today was definitely an education!! I did not know (and never even thought about) what the JC stood for – I like your first answer best!!!
And, I went to grad school in southern AL and met hockey players for the first time. Lots of the guys in my class were from north eastern schools and played in college. Up to that point I didn’t even realize it was that big a deal (this was 1992-93 time period).
I’m a teacher, Kim, a teacher. I feel as if profits would explode if they’d take the Jennifer Lawrence approach.
I kind of like the idea of going to a hockey game, and then Bojangles. I wish they had hockey at UNC Charlotte.
I love this post, and not just because of the Boston mascot picture. Thanks for the treasure, Eli.
Thanks Ann! I loved that pic when I found it, and it said so much more than photos of players … so I picked the right one, eh?
yep, those wolverines are playing some hockey this year, did you answer that? just curious. just saw a jcp ad, saying end of season sale – 50-75% off. hmm… end of a store’s season perhaps? great post and it’s hard to keep up with those kids, they are always growing and learning and asking questions )
Better to root for the Wolverines than for, well, you know. Big difference. It could be the end of the winter of discontent for JC Penney. I’d better go do some early Christmas shopping.
Poor, poor dinosaur. Kohl’s is eating your lunch.
My kids’ questions keep my Fridays full and my mind moving.
Ah, the JC Penney catalog. It provided my little sister and me with endless hours of entertainment as we played store and took phone calls from imaginary customers placing their orders. Someone needs to put that store out of its misery.
I love that image! Catalogs were big in my house, especially for Christmas. It’s where I got 80% of the 80% of presents I didn’t get. I wonder if your game with your sister got outsourced.
Where do you find these great Stormtrooper photos? I mean, obviously I can read the credits, but still. I maybe need to make my own too. We certainly have the toys for it.
The Money Pit on Oak Island? I have my doubts. What if you finally get all the way there, and it’s just…a piece of paper that says, “Haha, suckers!” That’s my theory. Either than or Loch Ness.
Photopin.com. I love that site. I wanted a theme, and I’ve always wanted to be a stormtrooper, even though I’m a bit short. I think I actually am a stormtrooper in life, sometimes.
I think if I dug to the bottom and got a “haha suckers!” note, at least I’d have the journey. I’ve found some journeys aren’t defined by the destination, but the trip.
Yeah.
I’d still like some gold dubloons.
Awww! I like JC Penney! Of course, I live in a shopping dead zone, so there aren’t many choices here. Belk is just so faaaaaar on the other side of the mall!!!
There’s one in a shopping center we visit all the time, and we’ve never been in there. I was surprised Grace knew what the store was at all. We don’t spend a whole lot of mall time … but the girls have gotten really good at finding the places with awesome clearance. Maybe by watching their parents, they think that’s the only way to shop!
I like JcPenneys (sigh), and I”m notably jealous that your Grand Am is running nicely!! I bought one brand new, had it for a year..it was in the shop and I was in a rental more than I was in my car (clogged injectors). Worst car I ever owned. My friend drove hers 1 1/2 to work each day, each way for five years, never one problem nada. I guess I just got the lemon. 🙂
She struggles, my Grand Am (her name is Gabi), but keeps on chugging, kind of like me. She’s my second, and I love them. Gabi says there’s always one in the family like the one you got stuck with.
I know Plush. With 2 daughters, my house is Over Run with Plush. They have at least 10 in each of their beds — and then a toy half full. What is it with the Plushies?? I only have my Daryl Dixon plushie. Really, it you got him, what else do you need?
Ah, the Oak Island Mystery. When I was in Nova Scotia, we took a little jaunt from Lunenberg to drive along the coast and see the island. Didn’t go on the island or anything. I don’t know if Canadian perspective and theory is different than American or the rest of the world, but I think we generally attribute the existence of the Money Pit to more recent than the Vikings, or Inca’s…. possibly even the Pirates Kidd or Blackbeard. But the presence of coconut fibres is key I think — it suggests fragile items packed for shipping, as per the custom back then. Most often china. And since there are no Coconut trees in Canada last time I ventured outside, clearly something IS there. Right now… I’m leaning towards the Spanish Sailor story, but I need to look into a bit more too. Who knows though. I think most people think it’s Mason related due to the construction of the pit. Time will tell though!
Dear God….please don’t let it be filled with plushies. 🙂
Are you sure that Daryl Dixon is plush?
My kids are overrun with plush, but they have their favorites. Only a few, thankfully. The rest wind up in the yard sale.
There’s a new episode of Oak Island from last night, so guess what we’ll be glued to tonight for dinner? I’m encouraged that Geraldo Rivera is nowhere near this project, or it might just turn out to be worse than just plushies – probably Beanie Babies!
I know where you’re coming from with the magazine in the back seat. I have my computer set up in the spare front lounge room and have a screen saver of pre 1970 Playboy centrefolds slowly passing along the screen. A couple of years ago we hosted a family get-together for my wife’s side of the family. They’re all Lutherans and a couple of them are ministers. I’d been writing and forgotten to turn off the computer when everybody started arriving. After about half an hour most of the young lads had disappeared. I found them all clustered around my computer screen. Talk about blushing, them, not me. Great post Eli.
Laurie, as always, you’ve opened eyes to places people had never seen. You’ve been doing this a while, haven’t you?
Inspiration takes many forms, mate.
Yes Eli, guilty as charged. Call me the gatekeeper to hidden realms. I’ve definitely been inspired many times.
“Gatekeeper to hidden realms” ought to at least be a page on your blog, amigo.
I surprise myself Mate with little sayings like that.
You’re a wellspring of words, friend.
Next time I have a question, I’m sending it to you! A sinkholes can be cool. We have one near our place. A drilling platform just went down! They abandoned the sight. It’s a large pond some go and fish at now. No one knows how deep.
You should send it my way, Barbara – or grab four more and answer them in a post. Or maybe one about the top 5 uses for a sinkhole. I’m digging the fish pond idea.