Some of McDonald’s drive-thrus are open 24/7, and my kids’ brains aren’t far behind.
It’s not always for good. Luckily, much of their thinking time is spent on Avengers heroes, pizza toppings and Go Ask Daddy questions (that’s paternity certainty that not even Maury Povich can get).
Keeps them off the streets.
I’ve avoided most potty questions and nearly everything they might see on Friends reruns and How I Met Your Mother commercials. There have been close calls – Grace, still in a car seat, once picked up an issue of Creative Loafing off the piles of socks and snacks in my backseat.
She regarded the cover for a moment, then flipped it over – to a full-page topless bar ad.
I braced for questions. She folded her little arms over her lap, let out a deep breath and scanned the page.
Hottest ladies in Charlotte!
Luckily, this is my kid. She probably got stuck on the free buffet. In front of the TV or among aisles at the antique mall, though, thoughts go to other places.
1. Who is James Gang?
He’s not a who, but a what.
James Gang is a rock band that started in 1966. They go on the lam for a decade or so, or two – they were inactive from 1977-1996 – then resurface like a broke cousin. They’ve had 22 band members, roughly the same number of relief pitchers the Colorado Rockies run through in an average season.
One dude in that lineup is noteworthy.
Joe Walsh, of Eagles fame, got his start with James Gang.
2. What does the JC in JC Penney stand for?
Jennifer Lawrence is Cool. (I know, but it’d been so long since she’d made an appearance here). This struggling retailer gets kicked around like a James Gang record at a garage sale. Kohl’s and Belk regularly steal its lunch money, in fact.
The JC is for James Cash, who changed the name from the Golden Rule to JC Penney when he bought the majority of the company in 1913.
JC Penney lost $1 billion in 2012 – a much worse performance than the Colorado Rockies’ bullpen.
3 What does ‘plush’ mean?
Finally, Merriam-Webster and the Urban Dictionary agree on something! Merriam-Webster describes plush as notably luxurious, not unlike your dad’s 2003 Pontiac Grand Am. The Urban Dictionary says it means
The Urban Dictionary says it means something soft, comfortable and luxurious. It also provides the synonyms hot, awesome, phat, cool, dope, slick, ill, neat, good.
Any of which might have appeared in that nudie-bar ad Grace saw. Parenting magazines only in the car, from now on.
4. What colleges play hockey?
Mostly northern schools, specifically, according to College Hockey Inc., Air Force, AIC, Alaska, Alaska-Anchorage, Army, Bemidji State, Bentley, Boston College, Boston University, Bowling Green, Brown, Canisius, Clarkson, Colgate, Colorado College, Connecticut, Dartmouth, Denver, Ferris State, Harvard, Holy Cross, Lake Superior State, Maine, Massachusetts, Massachusetts-Lowell, Mercyhurst, Merrimack, Miami (Ohio), Michigan, Michigan State, Michigan Tech, Minnesota, Minnesota-Duluth, Minnesota State, Nebraska-Omaha, New Hampshire, Niagara, Northeastern, North Dakota, Northern Michigan, Notre Dame, Ohio State, Penn State, Princeton, Providence, Quinnipiac, Rensselaer, Robert Morris, RIT, Sacred Heart, St. Cloud State, St. Lawrence, Union, Vermont, Western Michigan, Wisconsin, and Yale.
That’s about it, I say in Forrest Gump style.
Yeah, and Alabama-Huntsville. Can you believe that? They play in the Western Collegiate Hockey Association, with Alaska, Lake Superior, and Minnesota State. Road trips for those teams must feel pretty plush. And I don’t mean phat.
5. Who was the first to discover the suspected money pit on Oak Island?
In 1795, teenager Dan McGinnis found a circular depression in the ground on Oak Island, Nova Scotia. He also found parts of a pulley. With visions of pirate treasure in his head, he came back with friends to investigate.
(They didn’t have Grand Theft Auto in 1795 – this was entertainment.)
The boys began a quest that continues today, wrought with intrigue and mystery and even tragedy and a curse. Two Michigan businessmen, Rick and Marty Lagina, bought most of Oak Island in a quest to discover what is buried beneath.
We’ve all really gotten into the show The Curse of Oak Island this season. So, I tried not to do too much research for this part of the post.
Six people have died in search of the treasure, which could be anything from Spanish gold to Francis Bacon’s evidence he wrote William Shakespeare’s plays. The curse says seven must die.
The fuddy-dud camp says it’s just a sinkhole. Way to bring broccoli to the tailgate party, man. I hope they’ll find a pirate treasure, Marie Antoinette’s jewels, Al Capone, Richard Simmons, the Colonel’s recipe … something. Anything.
My luck, it’ll be a JC Penney catalog.