Guest Post: 5 Quotable Things My Kids Have Said, by Katy of Experienced Bad Mom


photo credit: Jano Fistialli via photopin cc
photo credit: Jano Fistialli via photopin cc

There are approximately 3,436 questions in my Go Ask Daddy Google Keep file.

One question stands alone as the best quote I’ve had from my kids in quite a while. Not because it asks about the meaning of life, or for dada to sum up Jesus’ gospels, or even to explain why Pluto can be a mouse’s dog but no longer a planet.

It’s not even to ask why Clint Black is white and Barry White was black.

“Dad,” Grace asked, “can you say sh*t on your blog, or do you have to use those little star thingys?”

I’m leaving the answer for another day.

katy headshotKaty from Experienced Bad Mom, though, is taking on some of the best quotes her kids have tossed out at her lately. She’s not just a bad mom. She’s an experienced bad mom. And those of us who read her benefit from this.

Hugely.

If you bloggers out there get comments from Katy, it’s like being friends with a stand-up comedienne. Her kids use bad words. Katy is a self-proclaimed non-snow-day mom.

But she’ll also stand in line for hours and endure Disney trivia to get her kids in tight with Anna and Elsa from Frozen.

Welcome Katy today, and enjoy the show here on the CD.

# # #

Eli asked me to share 5 quotable things my kids have said. I’m happy to oblige. Don’t you think that the things our kids say are one of the best things about parenthood? Kids can crack you up, make you think, and hammer home how brilliant they are–and how dumb you are–all at the same time. Let’s see what mine said:

katy kids

1. The “she didn’t say it, but I thought it” quote

“What rhymes with brick?” asked my then five-year-old daughter.

My mind went ONE PLACE.

Uh…

“Come on,” she urged.

“Chick!” I exclaimed.

“Nooooooo,” said my daughter. “There’s one more I’m thinking of.”

Well, yeah, kid, there’s one more I’m thinking of, too! But I’m not telling!

Uh…

“One more…” she encouraged.

“Flick!” I shouted like some crazed contestant on a game show.

“That’s not it,” she said seriously.

It can’t be? She’s not thinking what I’m thinking?

“Stick!” she proclaimed. “Stick and brick!”

Phew!

2. The School Daze quote

photo credit: RubyShoe via photopin cc
photo credit: RubyShoe via photopin cc

“Mom, I spent today in Pre-K!” my then four-year-old son told me. He was transitioning from the preschool room to Pre-kindergarten. I was so pleased he’d had a good visit.

“And I didn’t eat my boogers!” he finished triumphantly.

I was so proud, I tell you. So proud.

3. The ‘Got Milk’ quote

When my son was four, he got a chocolate milk at the bookstore.

“Milk comes from cows, right?” he asked.

“Right,” I answered.

“They have a lot of penises and when you squirt them, milk comes out, right?”

Uh…

“Right?”

“Uh, right!”

Note to self: set him straight by the time he’s in high school!

4. The International Hair quote

I put French braids in my daughter’s hair. She was three at the time and her hair was barely chin length. Thus, the French braids were definitely a work in progress.

She was not impressed.

“I want Japanese braids. Or Chinese braids!” she demanded.

Oui!

photo credit: Mangiu via photopin cc
photo credit: Mangiu via photopin cc

5. The Undergarment quote

Sydney was hanging out in my bedroom while I was changing my clothes. Seriously, does any mom or dad get privacy these days?

“Will I wear a bra one day?” she asked.

“Yup,” I replied.

“Which day? Saturday?”

There you have it, folks. Some funny things my kids said, all of which cracked me up or made me feel like an idiot (a common occurrence in my house, I’m afraid.) I invite you to come on over to ExperiencedBadMom.com and laugh some more. I’m also on Twitter a lot, Facebook often, and sometimes even Pinterest and Instagram.

Now it’s your turn. What have your kids said that made you laugh, cry, or scratch your head?

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38 Comments Add yours

  1. ksbeth says:

    i love these, each and every one )

      1. Eli Pacheco says:

        Glad for moms who have no problem putting it all on the internet, too.

      2. ksbeth says:

        absolutely eli )

  2. tamaralikecamera says:

    I am cracking up. And I’m also remembering my daughter calling my bra “brat” and pronouncing it like the sausage…and not to rhyme with “cat.” And she kept asking, “When will I wear a brat? Will it be red like yours? I don’t like red. I want a pink brat and I want you to take me to the brat store RIGHT NOW.”
    I didn’t. She was two!

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      Don’t take her to a Packers tailgate party until you explain the difference.

  3. Welcome, Katy! You fit in perfectly with the Coach Daddy crowd!

    I’ll never forget my daughter loudly proclaiming ‘Mommy’s pooping’ in a public restroom. When I was not. Not that it really makes a difference.

    More recently, during a time-out, she got really worked up when I called her a ‘young lady.’ Face red, fists shaking, she shouted, ‘Do NOT call me a young lady! You’re the young lady!’ Why thank you , dear!

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      I’m glad you clarified you were just going No. 1, Nicole.

      Once when Marie was still in a highchair, i got up at CiCi’s Pizza to use the restroom. When I got nice and far away, she yelled, “are you going pee pee or poopie, daddy?”

      “Just pee pee,” I answered. And acknowledged the crowd.

      1. I *still* have to think really hard these days to excuse myself to the restroom or bathroom rather than pronounce to my 7yo and 10yo “Mommy’s going potty.”

      2. Eli Pacheco says:

        I think I’ll announce it here at work next time I have to go.

  4. Eli! Thanks for having me over today. Love your blog and your readers.

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      They’re a likable bunch, so long as you keep them fed and watered.

  5. lol Saturday is bra day!

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      I feel like I should not know that.

  6. Kim says:

    OH – these stories were awesome!! I can’t wait to follow along with your blog – so happy that Eli shared you and your kid’s quotes over here!!

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      You’re going to love her, Kim.

    2. Thanks Kim!I love to make people smile, laugh or chortle. 🙂

      1. Eli Pacheco says:

        I’m not sure I’ve made anyone chortle in my life.

  7. Rorybore says:

    Kids are awesome. No filters.
    My youngest is obsessed with becoming a teenager. Since she is only in JrK, it surprised me that she was looking so far ahead. I could see my almost 7 year old daughter perhaps, but she seems content to still be in the land of Disney Princess and Fairies and Power Rangers (?). But the littlest Who cannot wait. Guess why?
    She wants to play with knives.
    Wait….what? why…..with the knives…..and that innocent cherub face?
    Apparently she thinks getting to cut the crust off your sandwhich is a huge milestone.
    because, knives! *whew – I was terrified there for a moment*

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      I hope someday to be allowed to cut the crusts off my sandwiches, too, Rore. I totally get it.

  8. Rabia Lieber says:

    When Frances was younger, she was talking to me while I was getting dressed (I sense a no-privacy theme there) and she saw the crown on my Victoria’s Secret undies (sorry if that’s TMI). She pointed it out and asked if the crown meant I was the best mommy in the world! I informed her that yes, I am.

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      Mine would have had a jester on them.

    2. Ha ha ha! Rabia, that’s an awesome story!

  9. These are definitely some good ones!! I love the one about not eating his boogers because my kids would absolutely be proud of something like that. Kids are hilarious. Thanks for sharing!

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      The booger thing is on my resume – hasn’t failed me yet!

      1. I can’t even get through the comments because Eli is making me laugh too hard!

  10. I love these Katy! Kids come up with the funniest stuff sometimes. The boogers one was awesome! I wish I’d written more of them down!

    1. I totally need some savvy mom or dad to figure out how to make a blog into a printed book (and for cheap because I’m frugal!). My blog is full of those little moments that I’d like to treasure somehow.

    2. Eli Pacheco says:

      I have to jot stuff down right when it happens or it’s asked, Michelle – or 10 minutes later, it’s lost in all my misfiring synapses.

  11. When I asked Little Guy why he kept leaving his clothes behind the bathroom door, he told me it was so I could bend over and get more exercise. What a kid!

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      Always looking out for us, right Jenn?

  12. Nina says:

    My 4yo son recently said, “How come whenever we celebrate Martin Luther King Jr.’s birthday, he doesn’t come?”

    And the other day as we were walking around the block, “What does a dog’s butt look like?” Me: “I don’t know.” Him: “It looks like a big brown penis!” (Said really loudly just as were right in front of a guy washing his car). Me: “Oh, boy, okay, thanks…” *red with embarrassment*. Honestly I think that wasn’t even a real question but rather an excuse to say two censored body parts.

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      That’s a good question – same thing for Jesus, George Washington and Elvis.

      As a boy, I will confirm that if you ever get a chance to blurt out two censored body parts in one yelp in front of a stranger, you take it. Every.single.time.

      (You should do a Go Ask Mama. You have the ammunition.)

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