I love me some college T-shirts.
Always have. I buy them at Goodwill sometimes now, like a Furman University soccer tee I once found there. I especially love the obscure institution. Clearance racks are classic for this. If you want an Alfred State football shirt, look there.
Or at Goodwill. If there’s two, get me one, too.
In junior high, I found a Yale shirt for cheap.
Picture that – punk Hispanic kid wearing a Yale shirt. Some of the affluent boys in the school scoffed. I didn’t even know what the Ivy League was. “Yeah right!” they said and pushed each other, just like the bad guys in a tween movie, laughing.
Look at me now, boys. Not at my transcript from either of my junior years in college.
I’m talking about my post on Mommy Verbs about nouns sportswriters turn into verbs. And the one Science of Parenthood about daddy math. Complex stuff. That pretty much proves I’m one of them there academics. I should sport one of those jackets with the arm patches. And a scarf. Wonder if they have them at Goodwill.
It’ll take a scholar to take on Go Ask Daddy this week, with a concentration in body odor, dumb hockey mascots and canine urine.
1. What does unscented deodorant do?
Mask dog pee, I hope.
Unscented deodorant feels as functional as caffeine-free soda. Or touch football. But we should make the distinction between anti-perspirant and deodorant. Anti-perspirant prevents sweat.
Deodorant doesn’t, but it just covers it with a pleasant scent, like ocean breeze, lily of the valley or choco chunk.
So unscented deodorant, when it’s also an anti-perspirant, will make you smell like anti-perspirant. Unscented deodorant without an anti-perspirant will make you smell like … you.
2. Why are they called the Maple Leafs?
Because what invokes fear on the ice more than a salad ingredient?
Toronto’s NHL team isn’t the worst name in pro sports. (I think the English Professors Against Language Infractions voted on it). That would likely go to the Utah Starzz of the WNBA. Toronto’s assault on the English language began in 1927. That’s when new ownership wanted the team named after World War I army unit known as the Maple Leaf Regiment.
They haven’t won the Stanley Cup in 46 years – the NHL’s longest drought. Even a Toronto Venus Fly Trap or Poison Ivy could have won a cup in that time frame.
3. What’s the biggest car?
Check out this video from BBC World on a Dodge Power Wagon made 64 times bigger than the original:
Studebaker made a car in 1938 that measured almost 69 feet long. Too bad it didn’t run. But it’s not like Sheikh Hamad’s super Wagon was street legal. Chrysler’s Icecap is 14 feet tall and 36 feet long. With a V12 engine. It’s about as efficient as the Toronto Maple Leafs front office.
4. Will dog pee deactivate a credit card?
The better question is – what inspired this question?
Dog pee isn’t among the usual suspects for credit-card demagnetization. Or deactivation. Eel skin doesn’t do it, either. Neither does using it three days in a row at Jack In the Box. A beagle once peed on my work bag. And a seagull pooped on my arm. Neither affected my ability to charge.
5. Do they have streets in China, or do they just drive wherever they want to drive?
Sometimes it feels like the whole rest of the world is a jungle, doesn’t it?
Chinese traffic isn’t so chaotic as it is bottleneck. Many old Chinese cities weren’t built for cars. This is a country that a few years ago had a traffic jam that spanned 62 miles and 10 days. That’s worse than a traffic jam in Atlanta in a snowstorm.
They don’t go where they want to go; they stay in one place wishing they could go where they want to go.
So, they have streets. And too many cars for them. That’s a bad combination.
It doesn’t take a Yale alumnus to figure that out.
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Congratulations to UGLee Pen giveaway winner Sandy Ramsey!