Turns out, I’m sort of a lousy sports fan.
I don’t go nuts over ESPN SportsCenter. I’ve never cat-called a cheerleader. Twice I hate my teams’ rivals, but I’ve never slugged someone because he roots for the wrong team.
Oh yeah, and I forgot to fill out a NCAA bracket.
Trust me, the sports world isn’t missing a thing. My school, UNC Charlotte, is now a football school. We beat Michigan in basketball – but lost to Marshall. At home. Even the NIT snubbed us. And my bracket? Not exactly the stuff of Nostradamus.
Know who I picked for last season’s Final Four?
I picked Temple over Harvard for the national championship.
So – the kids asked me something kind of serious this time. And I swore I’d never talk about it on my blog. How serious was it? It depends on what terms you’d want to use to describe what doctors took out of my throat.
1. What are those things that they have to take out of your throat?
When I was 5 – they were tonsils. And for days afterward, I milked it all I could to load up on Jell-O and ice cream.
When I was 36, doctors took out a growth that sprouted up where that left tonsil had been. My dental hygienist took one look at it and sent me to the ear, nose and throat specialist. He poked it with his finger and said it needs to come out, pronto. In case it was melanoma.
They found another growth on the other side of my throat, and they were in there pretty deep. I had two holes in my throat that made food look like broken glass to me. I thought I’d never eat again. But it didn’t last long. And I had to wait only three days to find out they were benign.
I don’t like to talk about it, because it seems so minor in the grand scheme of cancer scares. I don’t even call it a cancer scare. I call it lumps in my throat they thought they should check for cancer.
2. On Cash and Cari, do they take stuff out of the bathroom so no one will steal it?
The only steals on Cari Cucksey’s show ought to be on china, during the final hours of her awesome estate sales.
Cash and Cari, dad’s favorite HGTV show, features estate sale expert Cari Cucksey. She inventories items in the house, prices them to move, and takes a percentage of profits. Her assistants remove items from the bathroom, but I could find nothing online to explain why.
I mean, who steals stuff out of the bathroom?
3. Is Charles Dickens a real person?
Dickens (Feb. 7, 1812-June 9, 1870) had more hits than Cari Cucksey has cute hats.
He wrote Oliver Twist, A Christmas Carol, A Tale of Two Cities and Great Expectations. He always had to sleep with his head facing north, and would rearrange his room to arrange it. He had his pet raven, named Grip, stuffed when he died in 1841.
Grip had a better NCAA bracket record than me, too.
4. Have you ever been in a marching band?
Have I ever. I carried a 15-pound baritone sax back in the day.
I was the kid who couldn’t make it 5 minutes into a karate lesson. But somehow, I managed to swing that axe in July 4 heat and Christmastime chill in Estes Park. Without as much as a slight misstep. You know you’re a cool school when your marching band brings home trophies and your football team does not.
In eighth grade, I was such a cool marching band sax player that I got a cheerleader girlfriend for about a minute until I messed it up. Fodder for another blog, for sure.
I’m certain when Charles Dickens penned “it was the best of times, it was the worst of times,” he had that fateful day in mind.
5. Could you get bumps from putting too much lotion on your face?
Some do. And I’d have sworn membership in a marching band played a role, too.
Certain ingredients in lotion can agitate your skin, and cause acne. Some lotion is non-comedognic, which means it won’t clog your pores. You shouldn’t even touch your face. Or drink milk or sugary drinks. And if you get a pimple, you’re not supposed to pop it.
Stress relief will help.
That’s the real reason I didn’t fill out a bracket. Who needs the stress? Just reading up on acne prevention is stressful enough.
It’ll scare the Dickens out of you.