This is a night (or morning?) of irony.
Or is it tragedy?
I’ll go with irony. It doesn’t feel tragic. But for the first time in Coach Daddy history, I’ve begun my Go Ask Daddy (once known as 5 for Friday, Go Ask Daddy) at 12:02 a.m. On Friday.
I’d have worked ahead, if it weren’t for Elise’s term paper. She had four pages of rough draft due Friday, and needed my laptop to do it. So I slept on the couch while she worked.
She woke me up at near midnight to ask me to read over her work. It’s pretty good.
I wanted to write about Marie, who suffered her first soccer injury ever with a sprained ankle that will keep her out for as long as two weeks.
I wanted to write a jump post to the guest blog I have at Deb Runs. She wrote a fantastic post about what it means to be a Virginia Tech Hokie for Coach Daddy on Wednesday. Today, I’m at her place. It’s what I want to say to Elise who, at 16, has ventured into the realm of the driver, the girlfriend, and the kid who stepped up as a goalkeeper when her team needed her.
Hell, there’s even a post rolling around in my head about how the male body is like an automobile. Complete with oil leaks and declining value.
Instead, I have a term paper to review. At 12:06 a.m.
Oh, and the thesis?
Studies show that sleep deprivation is a key factor in teen sports injuries. Why is it such a big factor and how can you help it?
Here’s what the girls wanted to know. There’s good stuff here, too.
1. Have they brought mammoths back?
If we wait for Justin Timberlake to do the trick, it’ll be a while.
Hell, they brought back the Smurfs, so anything is possible. Scientists found blood in a well-preserved mammoth in Siberia last year. The extinct beast had been on ice for 10,000 years. There’s an evil South Korean scientist at a controversial lab who would like to clone a mammoth now.
The thought makes me wonder if mammoth burgers are as tasty as bison burgers. Or maybe I’m just having one of those Jack in the Box midnight munchies moments.
2. Why does the jar opener work?
It’s simple science, and has nothing to do with evil South Korean scientists.
That round slab of synthetic rubber has many small ridges or cleats. When you wrap one around a stubborn jar lid, it gives you superhuman powers. Or at least the Kung Fu grip. It’s the same principal that keeps Spiderman from falling off the side of a building. Kind of.
Pickles. Maybe I’ll have pickles as a midnight snack.
3. What does the S on everything from Krypton stand for?
It’s not for Superman, man of Steel or even “So I can open this jar of grape jelly.”
On Krypton, Superman’s home planet, it’s a family crest, and a symbol for hope. Fitting, for a world that crumbled on itself as his parents jettisoned Kal-El through space as a naked baby refugee. He was just a regular naked Kryptonian baby at that point. Only under earth’s sun did he develop his super powers.
On Krypton, his dad had to use a jar grip just like the rest of us.
4. What if you were in a plane and flew through a rainbow?
You’d get a face full of Skittles – but the S on those candies doesn’t stand for hope.
A rainbow is like a great-tasting health-food cookie – it’s a mirage. You can’t fly through it, because it’s light refracting through moisture. So the rainbow you see from our backyard isn’t always visible on the US Air flight to New Orleans. Even if it looks as if the plane flew right through it.
Not even Superman can fly through a rainbow.
5. How long does it take you to write a story?
Pretty fitting, this.
I started this puppy at midnight. It’s now 12:51. So, I can craft one in less than an hour. Stanford’s student affairs site says you can “review the requirements for a major assignment (term paper, term project) to make sure you understand them” in an hour. Psh. Brainiacs.
I guess it’s time better spent than trying to open a jar without a jar grip. But not as good as slow-cooking a rack of mammoth ribs.
What? That’s not gross. Fred Flintstone used to order brontosaurus ribs. And I’m beyond snack time.
All right. Time for bed. And a snack first.
Sleep deprivation might do a number on the student athlete, and it’s pretty unkind to the 40-something dad. If there’s an S on my chest, it must stand for Sleep.
Good night, y’all.