Go Ask Daddy About Throwback Football, Old-Time Timers and Pretend Prehistoric Predators

photo credit: JoePhilipson via photopin cc
photo credit: JoePhilipson via photopin cc

I’m a cat person, but only by default.

GAD GRAPHICAnd cat person is a misnomer. I’m a cat person in the same way I’m a ping-pong person. I’ll play if you have a table, but I don’t dream of it. I don’t long for it. I don’t wear sweaters with ping-pong on it or share ping-pong memes online.

(Are there ping-pong memes online?)

One dog tried to make me a dog person.

photo credit: Thomas Hawk via photopin cc
photo credit: Thomas Hawk via photopin cc

He looked like a Rufus. Pit bulls served as the unofficial official dog of our neighborhood. He roamed the street at twilight. Scary, right?

To him it was. He cowered in our garden and wouldn’t budge, because there were cats around.

Closer inspection of Rufus revealed evidence of a rough life – and an escape.

Something had hurt Rufus. He was timid and tired. I didn’t spend ages with him, but when his sad brown eyes met mine, I did my best to send the vibe I wasn’t going to hurt him. I don’t have the yard for a pit bull.

Not a happy one.

Much as I felt the pull, I couldn’t justify making Rufus my own. The Humane Society came for Rufus, and he didn’t put up much of a fight. It was more a surrender.

The officers who got him said he was a fight dog.

But, the ones they trained the top dogs with. In essence, Rufus, with all that intelligence and compassion inherent in dogs and evident in his face, was a chew toy to killer dogs.

That broke my heart.

Rufus’ profile posted on an adoption site. I check it a few times. Then I couldn’t anymore. I want to imagine he found a loving home. Room to run. Trust. Love.

A yard to give the kind of love only a dog knows to give – loyal, full, uncompromised, life-lasting.

Today’s a shout-out to Rufus. And other dogs who get the chance to live a life of hard love, companionship and squirrel-chasing. So, what did the girls ask about this week, you ask?

1. Do any players play on defense and offense?

photo credit: Vikings defense taking the field during the pre-game practice via photopin (license)

Not free agent Rufus Alexander. Not Saints linebacker Rufus Johnson. Rufus Wilmot Griswold was himself just a 19th-century author, not a wide receiver or defensive end.

Speedster Devin Hester played cornerback for the Chicago Bears. He also returned kicks, and got in some snaps at receiver. William “The Refrigerator” Perry played for the Bears as a defensive lineman.

He lined up in the backfield in short-yardage situations, to block or carry. It’s tough to stop 382 pounds of momentum.

In the 1950s, Chuck Bednarik played center and linebacker for the Philadelphia Eagles. He’d beat the hell out of an opponent’s defenders, then stay on the field and beat the hell out of the team’s offensive players.

He missed just three games in 14 seasons, and laid that massive hit on Frank Gifford in the video above that effectively ended Gifford’s career.

photo credit: lynn.gardner via photopin cc
photo credit: lynn.gardner via photopin cc

2. What would go on your elevated grilled cheese?

I wanted to find a sponsor for this question. I’d devote a post to it.

Boar’s Head Meats? Kraft cheese? Some artisan bread company somewhere?

No, instead, I’ll do it the old fashioned way. For free. (And imagined. It’d cost a fortune to make this dream sandwich.)

Let’s start with the bread. The Elevated Grilled Cheese would start with a loaf of homemade American white bread. The kind with a flaky crust that feels like dessert after you’ve cut the sandwich in half.

I’d go with a Dutch butter for the grilling. On medium low heat, to achieve golden beauty. I’d use this butter, known for a cheesy taste, and spread crust to crust, every delicious pica of bread.

Let’s season the butter with … how about a dash of ground black pepper?

For the cheese …

A blend of sharp cheddar, gouda and Havarti. The cheddar will serve as the building blocks. I’d want it shredded, or broken into crumbs. Then blended with a tablespoon of mayonnaise and crumbled applewood bacon.

With just a dash of dried chives.

Let’s take a moment and just reflect on this. Paired with black pepper and sea salt kettle chips and a tall Coke Zero. No ice. (We’re at 740 words, and I still have three questions to answer!)

3. What’s inside an hour glass?

photo credit: bogenfreund via photopin cc
photo credit: bogenfreund via photopin cc

The one in my mind right now has cheddar and Havarti.

Usually, it’s sand. They also use powdered eggshell or powdered marble. Who needs hourglasses today, with watches, clocks and smartphones? Hourglasses are still stellar for Pictionary and locking Jed and Octavius away, like on Night at the Museum.

I’m pretty sure it would take at least three turns of an hour glass for me to finish that sandwich.

4. Do fish have tongues?

photo credit: Benson Kua via photopin cc
photo credit: Benson Kua via photopin cc

I’m pretty sure I drew a fish tongue in Pictionary once.

Fish do have tongues, but not like humans’. In comparison, it’s pretty pathetic. It’s just a fold in the floor of the fish’s mouth. It’s like a Wonder-bread-and-processed-cheese answer to my Elevated Cheese Sandwich. Some fish have little teeth on their tongues, which makes French kiss arduous at best.

One fish, the lamprey, can stick out its tongue.

5. Is that animal with two bodies and one tail from The Croods real?

That creature is a Trip Gerbil. And they are prehistoric. And also fictional.

They share a tail between two bodies that they use to trip animals to steal their food. The Croods wiki page says this unusual appendage can withstand an impact of approximately 40 mph, the speed of a Ramu on a rampage.

What’s a Ramu, you ask? It’s a cross between an emu and a ram, of course. They’re fierce and territorial. Hostile. But when the going gets tough … a Ramu will bail out.

Maybe this is why man made dog its best friend, and not the Ramu.

40 thoughts on “Go Ask Daddy About Throwback Football, Old-Time Timers and Pretend Prehistoric Predators

  1. I am a dog person. I hate the story about Rufus and I am going to pretend that he found a loving home as well. I look at my dog, and All-American chocolate lab devoted to two things – this family and her rawhide bones – and I feel so sad.
    Thanks for making me crave grilled cheese at 6:38 am. But I guess it wouldn’t be so bad for breakfast…although it won’t be anything like the one you described here, lol!

    1. I don’t know that I’m a dog person, but I was definitely a Rufus person. I will always imagine Rufus in a good place – nearly any place is better than where he came from.

      Don’t feel bad – feel proud that you and your pup have found each other.

      Craving cheese at 6:38 a.m.? I’ve been there. Thing is, someday, I need to make this sandwich a reality. In a post. With pictures.

  2. No words, but no of course you got me craving that grilled cheese at 7:30 in the morning! Oh and I am totally a dog person, but won’t be getting one anytime soon, because the two little girls in my life is totally enough to clean up after, lol 🙂

    1. I have gone back to read the elevated grilled cheese to myself a couple of times. OK, 17.

      I think two little girls give more cleanup duty than one dog, don’t you think?

  3. I’m sort of not a dog or cat person.
    Your grilled cheese sounds pretty good – I don’t eat those often but love them!!!
    The defense/offense question made me laugh because years ago I had a friend who fell into a basketball coaching job (high school girls) and she had one girl who told her (in all seriousness) that she only played offense. I probably would have said – “well, you won’t play on my team.”

    1. Are you more a goldfish person, Kim?

      If you’re going to have a grilled cheese – this is the one to have.

      You know, there are quite a few NBA All-Stars who only play offense. I tell kids on my soccer teams that every single one of them is a defender, at any given moment.

  4. Love throwback football – I watched that clip a couple of times and it doesn’t look that bad – but players were smaller then… Who knows. I remember reading about Gifford and Bednarik as a kid.

  5. Oh, Rufus! I hope he met his match. Our girl was nearly “gotten rid of”, in the words of her hateful “owners.” Now she torments us all with squeaky toys. We all win.
    That grilled cheese you speak about? I am trying not to think about it. Ok, I’m thinking about it. It’s perfection. Why do people try to make grilled cheese the buffoon way??

    1. I was proud of Rufus for his escape. I wish someone would make a movie about it. I can’t imagine anyone “getting rid of” either one of these dogs. Love that yours landed in a safe place. You all definitely won.

      I’ve never actually made this grilled cheese. If I had a bucket list, it would go on it. Don’t you wish someone would sponsor it? It couldn’t cost more than $13 or so. Chips and Coke Zero included. Hear me, Food Lion?

      I think people make grilled cheese the buffoon way the same reason they want to “get rid of” dogs like Athena and Rufus. Pure.Ignorance.

  6. I’m not a dog person. My husband and daughter LOVE dogs and are all, “Let us have one!” I’m like, “No, thanks.” I swear, dogs sense that I don’t like them and WON’T LEAVE ME ALONE. They sniff my crotch, my butt, and try to trip me when I walk. And the owners are usually like, “lalala, my dog is the best,” while I want to say, “Get the creature off of me. Now.”

    I’m a cat person. We have one cat. He’s a brat, but then again, so am I. So we understand each other.

    1. I think boys are more like dogs, girls, like cats. That’s not revolutionary. I remember the Mother Goose and Grim cartoon of the two dog families meeting on the street, and the mom dog tells the boy dog, “Henry, don’t be rude – smell the Hendersons’ butts!”

      I often don’t understand dogs. I also often don’t understand Tar Heels fans. But I will gladly share the universe with them.

      i had the coolest cat as a teenager. I named her Cybill, after Cybill Shepherd. Those stories are for another blog.

    1. Yeah, what do you do if you like the dog, but not so much the dude? Plus, if you are a douche-y dude, and have a cool dog, it has to diminish you a bit. Not that your ex is douche-y.

      Yeah. Here’s to Rufus.

  7. I thought I made the world’s best grilled cheese sandwich until I saw, “… applewood bacon. With just a dash of dried chives.” I need another snow storm to blow through so I can make these, because we all know that by next winter I will have forgotten this tip.

  8. I brought home a 100lb. OLD lab dog when I was 8 mos pregnant w/my youngest. A little girl had brought him to school that day, said he was abandoned (left on a chain for days after the owners moved out). Staff walked with her to the empty house across the street from where she lived, where a big dog house sat. The story was plausible. I knew chances of that dog getting adopted were slim, so I took it home. Hubby wasn’t so keen on a 100lb. lab, and had us put him in the yard overnight (where he barked all night long, much to our neighbor’s chagrin), while he found it a home from his job. A lady w/a huge farm and a love of dogs agreed to take it, but not before she checked the local doggie jail (Duh! I should have done that too). An old man who loved that dog dearly, had been looking for it. Turns out the little girl (a grade schooler!) stole the dog from his yard, and made up the story about it being abandoned at the empty house. :/ The child’s mom blamed us when we told her the story. No accountability. :/ :/ It had a happy ending, but oy! it might not have, for goodness sake!

    That’s a heck of a grilled cheese you’ve imagined up there. Def. one adults can rally behind.

    Happy Easter to you and your family. 🙂

    1. What a story! I swear that could be a Lifetime movie – “Not without my Labrador.” Kids can concoct some crazy schemes. Is it right for me to blame the shows they watch, or did Tom & Jerry and Saved by the Bell give us the same evil ammunition when we were kids?

      I really imagine this Grilled Cheese (yes, uppercase) with sunrays beaming from behind it.

      Happy Easter to you and yours, too.

  9. Rufus caught my attention here Mate. The cheese toastie came in a strong second. I loathe people who hurt animals for the fun of it, who use them for fighting. This should have stayed in the Middle Ages, yet we have people in the 21st century who delight in it. We have the same problem here, people’s dogs go missing, stolen to be used as ‘squeaky toys’ for fighting dogs. I’d like to think that Rufus found a home too…….

    1. Cheese Toastie – again, I’m culturally awakened here, mate. Incredible that the dog-fighting still goes on, and I’ll always want to know where Rufus escaped from.

      For every pooch who lives a good, full life in a family that loves him, I’m ever grateful.

      1. There’s not a lot of things a toasted cheese sandwich can’t fix Mate. It’s pretty sick that dog fighting still goes on. Yes a dog without a good home is a sad pooch indeed.

  10. I’m a cat person by default too (and I’m pretty sure I’m a Rufus person too :). Love those questions your girls asked you. How great that you’re keeping a record of them all. I wish I’d done that with my son. We’ve just about reached the stage now where I have to ask HIM questions! Lol. Happy Easter wishes to you and your family 🙂

    1. Rufus’ fan club grows! My girls’ questions keep my mind from getting rusty. I do this every Friday, and you should see the list of questions in waiting!

      It’s not too late to start, Lizzy. Or, maybe you could start a Go Ask the Son series.

      Happy Easter to you and yours, too. I think I’ll see if there are any Cadbury eggs left. It’s say its 50/50.

  11. I would have to say I am more a dog than a cat person, but really I just love all animals.
    Hubby puts mayonnaise on his grilled cheese. *bleh* Cooking mayo? no. it goes on After the cooking is done. For me there must be Pringles chips and a giant dill pickle.
    I think I know what’s for dinner.
    My kids just found that movie on Netflix. I think Nick Cage as a caveman is the most perfect casting ever.

    1. Even as a carnivore, i can appreciate most animals. Mayo definitely has its place in the Academy of Grilled Cheese. No bleh. Mayo is the glue that holds together the cheesy goodness.

      Pringles and a dill are always welcome on my plate.

      Nick Cage was perfect for that role. Willem Dafoe also would have rocked it.

  12. My dog was a rescue; she was found wandering the streets. I don’t know what kind of memories dogs have, but I hope she doesn’t remember. And I’m going to believe that Rufus had his happy ending. A loving family, a place to run, and havarti-gouda-cheddar grilled cheese sandwiches whenever he wants them.

    1. I think the good memories will wipe out the bad. Especially when they have lots of good ones. I think Rufus deserved some time to lay in the sun in a big yard without much worry in the world.

      He’d have to race me to the grilled cheese, though. He can always have the snausages.

  13. Oh, how I loved this post. And I was going to pontificate about a dog who tried (and is still trying) to make me, too, a dog person. (Her name is Bailey.)

    But then I saw the section on the perfect grilled cheese sandwich. And I started to cry. Or drool. I couldn’t tell. I was just very moved by the whole thing.

    And now hungry for grilled cheese at 9 o’clock in the morning. Thanks for that, Eli.

    And thanks for linking up with KetchupWithUs. As always. See you on the 1st.

    1. Thanks Michele. Is Bailey swaying you?

      Before I linked this up, I read the grilled cheese again. It’s like an action film, drama and sexy movie all grilled up in a sandwich. It moved me, too, reading it again.

      It’s less food as it is art and soul, isn’t it?

      I feel breakfast grilled cheese ought to be a thing. You with me?

      I hate to miss the Ketchup, and try never to. The ketchup photo is worth it every time.

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