It’s been about a year since the great yogurt incident.
See, I dropped my vintage flip phone into a small vat of vanilla yogurt. See what happens when I try to be healthy? I wanted a slice of meat-lover’s pizza. I went all yoga-Dr. Oz-Mr. Goodbody healthy.
And all I got was a lousy flip phone with a darkened screen.
The phone would have bounced right off the pizza slice.
Now, I don’t have to bother co-workers or my kids for blog photos. I still get the best stormtrooper shots from photopin.com. The kids take some just as good. The blurry, not-so-creative ones? They’re the ones I take. Hey, I’m still getting used to it.
I’ll explain how an old, poor dude like me wound up with an iPhone 4 later in this post. But I also want to announce that Rabia Lieber of The Lieber’s fame won the high-stakes Gorton’s giveaway I hosted. Way to go Rabia!
The Gorton’s fisherman will deliver the goods soon.
The numbers were phenomenal, and I saw some traffic going to some of you out of it.
Wonder what the girls want to know this week …
1. If I put this yardstick in the ceiling fan, what would break, the yardstick or the ceiling fan?
I had a yardstick in one hand, and the other on the switch. I was that close.
The ceiling fan wins, I’m out a $1.56. The yardstick wins, I’m out $145.
Plus, there are factors:
What speed is the fan on?
Does it have a DC motor?
Is the yardstick metal or wood?
Is the fan on winter or summer mode?
Your grandfather once stuck his finger in a ceiling fan. True story.
Me? I put the yardstick down. I’d bet on the ceiling fan, though.
2. How does an envelope get sticky when you lick it?
From the latent poisons inside. (Only if you’re Susan Ross and engaged to George Costanza on Seinfeld. A particularly deadly choice, by the way.)
For the rest of us, our saliva interacts with the gum arabic glue on the envelope. (Or, a small sponge with water, if you’re from the rich side of town.)
They make gum arabic out of hardened acacia sap found in west Africa and northwest India.
It’s edible. They use gum arabic in gumdrops, marshmallows and M&Ms.
I’d rather stick a marshmallow in the ceiling fan.
Why couldn’t you have asked that?
3. Who pays for those people’s houses after a tornado?
If a house is all people lose in a storm – they’re lucky.
Just this week, 35 people died as a result of tornadoes across the south, Oklahoma to Tennessee. Most homeowner policies include tornado coverage. But sometimes, they don’t have enough to cover all the rebuilding costs. Some people don’t have any homeowners insurance at all.
The Federal Emergency Management Agency provides some financial aid. You can donate $10 to The Salvation Army’s tornado relief fund by texting STORM to 80888.
4. How old is Luke Kuechly?
Kuechly, the Carolina Panthers star linebacker, turned 23 on April 20.
He was born my freshman year of college, to add some perspective. And no, we didn’t even have the Internet back then. Kuechly is a fan favorite and has achieved a level of appreciation as one of the league’s rising stars.
No, not by Pro Bowls or Rookie of the Year awards or a last name that takes thought to type.
He’s in the first Madden 15 trailer. Check it out!
5. Is eBay the only place to get iPhones?
No. But did you know you can get a Luke Kuechly iPhone case on Amazon?
The main place to get an iPhone is the Apple Store. You’ve seen them in the mall, and mistaken them for a hipster convention. Or a Barack Obama campaign drive. Millennials will stand in line to doodle around with Apple products all day.
They’ll camp out like Brownies to buy the latest ones.
Or, you can befriend a friendly blogger to get one.
I shouldn’t make fun of Apple, now that I’m an Apple user. My iPhone is courtesy of an unnamed reader and fellow blogger who was kind enough to send me an iPhone 4 she isn’t using. I’m grateful. No more missed calls. No more texts I can’t read.
No more kids asking “what’s THAT?” when I pull out my flip phone. And I keep track of my newly-started Couch to 5K and Cross Trainer workout on it. And my blog comments. And watch Rockies games. They’re 17-12 now, you know.
And, there are many other things possible with an iPhone 4. Photos like this one, for instance, when you let the kidlets use your device:
Not even a yogurt bath can stop that kid.