There are moments as a blogger when you feel like you’re doing it right. When a fellow blogger and talented writer thinks enough of you and your own voice to reach out and ask you to step up and stand in, you step up and stand in.
Normally, I’d be churning words at Mother of Imperfection but today I will be your humble host here, trying my best to do right by Coach Daddy.
Let’s do this.
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Raising teens. You just shivered a little, didn’t you? I get it.
I’ve taken a couple of turns at it already and have a few more to go. I figure by the time all is said and done, I will have banked enough good will points with the karma gods that maybe I’ll be able to just sit on a quiet beach somewhere with a virgin colada and a good book.
Why are you laughing?
Over the years, I’ve managed to learn a few things. Mostly, these insane facts about teenagers that I assure you are totally true:
- Teenagers are capable of eating their weight in food. I have to share with you that next to my mortgage, the grocery bill is the highest monthly bill I have. This phenomenon starts in the tween years and is not exclusive to teenage boys.
- If you have a teenager and you want them to sleep….take away their cell phone. Or any electronic device they have for that matter. Studies have been done finding that the blue light emitted from electronics messes with melatonin, the hormone that helps regulate your body clock, and can actually keep you awake. This could explain why teenagers fall asleep in class and don’t sleep at night. It all comes back to the cell phone. Makes perfect sense to me.
- Teenagers are clumsy. They pack the grub away and when they do sleep, it’s the sleep of the dead. There’s a whole lot of growing goin’ on. Their brains are not exactly in a hurry to recalculate to help the body balance when they’re limbs are growing like mad, so walking in to walls, falling down, breaking things? Yep…normal.
- For teenagers, texting is quite possibly the only means of communication – unless you are their parent. I have heard the dead phone excuse too many times to count and I guarantee you, that phone was not dead. It was the desire to respond that kicked the bucket. And don’t even try to tell me you didn’t have your phone when I know a charged phone in your hand is more vital than your next breath.
- While we are on the subject, did you know that teenagers are capable of texting…..without looking. I believe it is possible that some of the species have actually trained their digits adjust to the keyboard. It’s the same concept as typing on a computer keyboard without looking, just a smaller scale. I promise you, it is possible.
- Teenagers are fluent in the language known as sarcasm. Since this is my personal superpower, I have nothing more to say on the grounds that I may incriminate myself.
- Many teenagers hate math. But they love money. Now the thing about money is this: you might need a little math. Unless of course, it is your parents’ money, then it doesn’t really matter, right? No matter how many times you may have told them when they were younger, they still don’t truly believe money doesn’t grow on trees. As teenagers they continue to test the theory.
- To a teenager, there are two possible definitions of ‘on time’. On time for them….and on time for you. They are very, very different.
- To a teenager, it does not matter, even a little bit, how intelligent you are. You know nothing. Nothing.
Yes, insane but true facts gleaned from years of dealing with teenagers that have left me bruised and battered with a few more wrinkles than I care to admit. I get one grown and gone and another takes their place. I have learned quite a bit and feel I might be getting better at it. Which leads me to fact number ten:
Unfortunately, just when I think I have the game figured out….they go and change the rules.