What would happen if we just kept on having babies?
At what point does it matter anymore? Ever played the game LIFE, and wound up with so many blue and pink baby pegs you had to lay them crosswise in your car? That was just me? And is it possible to open a blog with four straight questions?
That’s five, isn’t it?
In real life, the difference between two and three is minimal. The noise is about the same. I’m still lucky to get two slices of pizza (and crusts from the youngest). How bad could three to four be?
Stephanie at When Crazy Meets Exhaustion wrote an awesome post recently about wanting to feel done having kids. It got me thinking.
You won’t feel done until you are. Whether that is with more kids or just what you have.
I took my 9-year-old to the pool one late-summer weekend. I wrote a post in the 90 minutes we were there. That included just making visual with her every few minutes.
No floaties. No swimmers. So, that part of being done? That’ll be kinda cool for someone like Stephanie, whose kids are too small to leave under-supervised.
Wait, did I say under-supervised? That’s not what I meant. I watched her the whole time. Like, I looked over the top of my laptop every 3.7 seconds just to see if she was breathing and everything.
I’d better get to the questions.
1. How many holidays are there?
America doesn’t do it like the rest of the world does it.
In other countries, there are national holidays for which you close up the bakery and the clock repair shop. The government says EVERYONE is off for the day. You gather in the village square and you eat and dance and break glasses.
In America, we have the 10th amendment. This means the feds can give holidays only to banks and Washington D.C. For other stuff, it’s up to states. Sad, but true.
We’re the land of eleven official federal holidays:
- New Year’s Day
- Martin Luther King Jr. Day
- Inauguration Day
- Washington’s Birthday
- Memorial Day
- Independence Day
- Labor Day
- Columbus Day
- Veterans Day
- Christmas Day
This list completely ignores National Pizza With Everything Day (Nov. 12) and Star Wars Day (May 4). Don’t even get me started on Ingrid Michaelson’s birthday (Dec. 8).
2. Are the wings of a moth furry?
That would have been a great question for the last week in July (National Moth Week).
Confession time: Moths creep me out. Big time.
My grandma once found two Io moths squaring off to fight, and thought it would be cool to capture them both in a pinkish tupperware cup for me. A severed finger or two would have been less ghastly.
Anyway, moths are covered in scales, which look furry. And creepy as hell.
3. What’s the W for?
It’s not Walgreens, but it looks like it, huh?
I wonder when I wear my Washington Nationals cap to play disc golf, if people think I work at Walgreens. Or just feel exceedingly loyal to the store. Not as loyal as this guy.
The Nationals were the former Montreal Expos, who had an equally jacked-up logo loaded with subliminal shout-outs. It was a lower-case M for Montreal. It was in a red-white-blue color scheme, the French flag backward, in reverence for French Canadians. Also, the logo looks like an e, d and b – which stands for Expos de Montreal Baseball (the M is made up of all three lower-case letters).
I bought my Washington Nationals cap at Walmart. Another W. But it was only five bucks.
4. What team does Eli Manning play for?
The New York Giants. But for a tortured minute, he was property of the San Diego Chargers, a look that left him forlorn and pouty.
When NFL commissioner Paul Tagliabue announced Manning as the top pick 10 years ago, Manning posed with a Chargers jersey. With the facial expression of a kid who just got a sack of used cat litter for his birthday.
He and his dad, former NFL star Archie Manning, publicly railed for San Diego, holder of the top pick in the draft, to trade it away. He wouldn’t play for the Chargers. Not now. Not ever.
The raiders drafted next, and took lineman bust Robert Gallery. (The Manning Camp said it would have been fine going to oakland. Wha??) The Arizona Cardinals took receiver Larry Fitzgerald next.
The Giants considered a trade with Cleveland. That likely would have sent eventual Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger to New York. The Giants instead drafted Philip Rivers, and dealt him to San Diego.
There is no official Quarterback Day, by the way. But that could have been it.
5. What does Cloud 9 mean?
There’s no holiday for Cloud 9 either. Hmm.
Cloud 9 refers to a heavenly experience.
Like getting traded from gross 70-degree and sunny weather in San Diego for … well, New York. Like donning a hat with a script W that looks strikingly like a drug-store logo. Like coming face to ugly face with a huge, ugly moth.
Cloud 9 is a blissful existence. It’s worthy of the attention of George Harrison and the Temptations. And probably Ingrid Michaelson.
Cloud 9 can also mean each of you girls with two slices of pizza each.
Especially if dad gets the crust.