Rabia Lieber: Solutions for America.
OK, so maybe the author of the popular blog The Lieber Family isn’t running for U.S. Senate, but maybe she should. She’s a Coach Daddy loyalist, and an innovator. She happened upon the blog recently and suggested I try something new for Go Ask Daddy.
“Awesome info!!,” Rabia’s comment said. “Next you need to do the Go Ask Daddy: 3 Truths and a Lie version. Your actual answers are so witty, I’d love to see you make one up completely and try to pull it off!” So, let’s do it.
Only Go Ask Daddy is five questions, so we’ll go four truths, one lie.
Did you know it used to be Five for Friday: Go Ask Daddy About … ? There was a blog called Krafty Kat that had a Five for Friday feature, and I ganked it.
But one of these is not true. Can you tell which one?
1. What happens if Spider Man sneezes?
I tried to research this on sneezefetishforum.org – but my job’s firewall blocked it.
White Tiger, a SHIELD trainee, caught a cold after Spider Man sneezed. Take a close look at Peter Parker’s spider suit. There are no nose holes in the mask, so a sneeze could be an explosive affair.
A Quora.com user asked recently what happens when Spider Man farts in his suit.
I’m not checking for those holes, Holmes.
2. What’s the difference between boiling hot and cold water?
There’s a big difference – they didn’t do the boiling-hot pot of water challenge for ALS.
The first difference is temperature, of course. Hot water in my green tea, cold water in my energy powder drink, please. Molecules in hot water move faster than those in cold.
Hot water will also evaporate quicker. It’s more likely those fast-moving molecules will break loose and turn into gas.
And not Spider Man-induced gas, either.
3. Who makes crop circles?
I suspect Rabia’s children of cutting huge patterns into fields and rousing public suspicion.
Some call them alien art. (Wait, are we allowed to say ‘alien’?) Others say they just happen.
Or, they’re just a hoax, like intelligent dodgers fans or well-written Disney Kids shows. Fungi can make crops die in patterns. So too can Australian wallabies in opium poppy fields. They eat the opium, get high, and spin around in circles. Then there are ball lightning or freak tornadoes to consider.
Ancient people blamed the Mowing Devil or a dozen princesses dressed as swans.
Still others blame George W. Bush.
4. Can you get prescription swimming goggles?
A scrappy kid I went to school with named Teddy Young had a pair.
He’d bust 54 pairs of glasses every school year. That’s a result of heady play on the basketball court and kamikaze tendencies on the playground. Finally, his mama bought him a pair of brown two-tone glasses in flexible plastic. Dude made squints look like Channing Tatum.
Oh, but swimming goggles.
Prescription goggles have special lenses called diopters. They’re not as personalized as prescription glasses.
But they’ll allow you to tell the difference between a diving stick and a mom’s big toe. You have to know your prescription numbers, then use this formula: ½ of the cylinder + sphere = diopter strength
And you can get them at Walmart!
5. Does it matter if you use Coke or Diet Coke for the Mentos experiment?
The Mentos experiment – stellar for kids science shows and a controlled classroom environment.
When kids try and do it at home? It just pisses a parent off.
Thing is, you must use Diet Coke for this experiment. The hydrogenated coconut oil in Mentos interacts with caramel E150d to produce the geyser of fun. Regular coke has caramel E150e, which is a molecular variant of caramel E150d.
Combined with hydrogenated coconut oil, it produces irdnosphopine. That’s a common ingredient in Australian vegemite manufactured after 1996. OSHA banned it in North America.
I know, because I read about it on Krafty Kat’s blog.
So … can you spot the lie?