A to Z Challenge: W is for Waiters


photo credit: #359/366 via photopin (license)
photo credit: #359/366 via photopin (license)

I know … we’re supposed to call them servers, not waiters.

CD az challengeToday in the A to Z Challenge, W is for Waiters. Why? They are one of my biggest pet peeves. Not waiters in general. And I know we’re supposed to call all wait staff servers. I know, firefighters too, not firemen. Police people? Where does it end? Oh yeah, and flight attendants.

My peeve isn’t with the waiter himself. (Although the term pet peeve is total shit, isn’t it? Why would you have a pet you hate? It’s not a pet. It’s a pest. It’s a pest peeve.)

I’m on pet peeves and waiters in part because of my friend Dana’s post called Biggest Pet Peeves. I liked her list. Or rather, I hated it.

I also hate when a server insists on memorizing my order. I’m not impressed. You might have a photographic memory, but what if the busboy drops a tray of whiskey glasses on your head and you suffer short-term memory loss?

It’s worse than toys and hair accessories left on the floor for dad to step on.

Other pet peeves of mine?

The real deals.
The real deals.

Plastic dinosaurs that don’t really depict actually dinosaurs.

My smartphone keyboard. So annoying. Even when I turn the damn thing sideways.

Scrappy Doo and Scooby Dumb.

Disc jockeys who catch me off guard by taking .7 seconds to transition from the end of a Peter Gabriel song to a loaded reference to the 50 Shades of Gray movie while my kids are in the car with me.

The way car dealership TV commercials mimic NHRA dragsters on the decibel scale.

The way theme songs to Disney shows rankle me like a telemarker’s call at 8 a.m. on a Saturday morning.

Twenty-four hour news channels. Not all the time. Only when they give 17 hours to a 17-minute story.

Late-night infomercials as I struggle to write a post. Shit. Maybe I need those pills for an aging brain.

Grown-ups who knock over kids for a foul ball.

photo credit: Mother's Circus Animal Cookie Carnage via photopin (license)
photo credit: Mother’s Circus Animal Cookie Carnage via photopin (license)

The last handsful of animal crackers. It’s like the floor of an animal cracker butcher shop.

When I’m itching over here and my back scratcher is way over there.

The term that should be a red flag. Do Albanians pick a different color for their red flags?

dodgers slugger Yasiel Puig. He’s a punk. That he’s in dodgers blue only exacerbates the situation.

When white people throw fiestas … and don’t invite me.

Slapstick, dumbass, low-star and low-brow movies that use Ode to Joy in their slapstick, dumbass, low-star and low-brow movie previews.

When you have too many stormtroopers and your wallet, keys and phone in your pockets, and silky drawers, but no belt. Your pants droop. (What, is that just me?)

When cornbread shoots out your nose when you’re eating delicious ribs. (Again – me?)

Pet peeves lists. Except Dana”s. And this one.

peeves quotes

28 Comments

  1. 1jaded1 says:

    I have to catch up…memorize my order? No. Write it down bc you won’t like me when I’m hangry and my order came out wrong. There are a ton of great servers and I have to believe this memorization shit comes from upper management who have no clue. Thanks for letting me comrant.

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      I know it! I try to keep my order simple, but still. I’ll be 20% more impressed if you write my order down and get it right!

      You’re welcome, any time. Good to see you back. Really good.

  2. A.PROMPTreply says:

    Oh, I could do a list of these myself….might actually do a list of these myself! As for yours….definitely with you on the smartphone keyboard….and autocorrect, and….okay, you get the idea…I’ll save it for my own post! LOL!

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      I wish you would (and send me the link when you do.) I think smartphone keyboards can get you good and riled up for at least 25 peeves.

  3. So many are on my list, too, especially the telemarketers calling early in the morning or dinner time, too. Just so rude and obnoxious!!

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      Any phone call that interrupts sleep and doesn’t inform me I’ve been chosen as Pizza Inn’s new quality control chief will anger me.

  4. Sandy Ramsey says:

    I think the server thing is supposed to be impressive. I don’t think that bothers me as much as when they come to your table and sit down with you. That bothers me a little. Okay a lot.

    The adults pushing kids out of the way for a foul ball? Totally get it. I’ve only seen it on YouTube but Lord help ’em if I ever see it in person. That’s disgusting.

    Oh! And don’t worry. I shoot cornbread out my nose every time I eat ribs. I’ll prove it when I invite you to my next fiesta. We can be gross together.

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      Get my food to me fast and hot – that’ll impress me. And don’t let my Diet Coke run dry. I also hate when they rattle of the specials like they’re regurgitating a poem they were forced to memorize in fourth grade.

      It’s a feat, the cornbread shoot, and some morsels don’t make it all the way out.

  5. ksbeth says:

    as a waitress/caterer/bartender for many years, i’m going to say that each has their own style. if they keep you happy, fed, well-informed and wanting to come back. all good, no matter how it gets to you once it leaves their hands or head.

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      i do tend to forgive quickly if the server gets my order right and fast and hot. also, not charging me that $2.75 for a Diet Coke helps, and it’ll probably just get added to the tip.

  6. Hahaha, Albanians maybe don’t red flag, they star and stripe their issues.

    Let me tell you a flag joke I heard from Colin the other day:
    An Austrian makes fun of the Swiss. The Swiss guy gets upset and says “now shut up already, if I were you and had a minus in my flag I wouldn’t be so mouthy!”

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      It would serve America right if Albanians did that. I bet C knew all about Albania’s flag, too. Love the joke, too, C! I think Austrians copied you but ran out of white paint.

      1. Bwaahahahaha, that’s exactly what happened!!!

        Here’s another one:

        American astronauts finally arrived on the moon only to discover that the Russians beat them to it. How did they know? The Russians had painted the moon red. The Americans called Houston and asked for advice.
        “You got any white paint with you?”
        “Positive, Houston. We do have white paint. What do you suggest?”
        “Write COCA-COLA!!!”

      2. Eli Pacheco says:

        God Bless America!

  7. Kim says:

    HaHa – pretty much all of my pet peeves involve idiot drivers!!!

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? – George Carlin

  8. Lyn says:

    Servers memorizing your order? Okay, but what about the chef in a busy kitchen. Is he supposed to stop what he’s doing to write the order down? Gimme a break. Impress me by not coming up to me every two minutes to ask is my meal okay. I’ll let you (and the manager) know if it’s not, and I’ll tell you to “give my compliments to the chef” if I loved it.

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      I guess the server memorizes it and enters it in the computer. Gone are the days of that circular ticket-holder and gruff chefs.

      On second thought, I bet the chefs are still gruff. I also hate when a server tries to take my plate before I’m done.

      Pretty sure prehistoric man lost a finger doing that to one of my ancestors.

      1. Lyn says:

        I’d forgotten about the computers…shows you how often I go out to dinner 🙂

      2. Eli Pacheco says:

        Last time I went out to dinner Three’s Company was still prime time, and there were only three channels.

      3. Lyn says:

        LOL man, that was centuries ago 🙂

      4. Eli Pacheco says:

        Taft was president of the U.S., I’m fairly sure.

  9. tamaralikecamera says:

    You have a back scratcher!!??
    I am a back scratcher. Scarlet and Des love that.
    I get that all the time with servers. I’m sometimes tempted to say, “You know I said decaf, right? And no cilantro or onions or I’ll die in here. I’ll just die.”

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      My back scratcher broke just this morning, no doubt from overuse. It’s usually my job, too, but it’s sometimes tough reach spots on your own. Wait, what?

      He might have heard you say “not decaf, and extra cilantro and cheese, please.” It could happen.

  10. roweeee says:

    You actually have servers? Well, we do have some servers. However, we usually end up going to the counter to order and the food may come to our table or we might have to pick that up too. That’s in a cafe, anyway.
    Loved the Whoopi Goldberg quote.
    My W word was Why Write? https://beyondtheflow.wordpress.com/2015/04/27/why-write/
    xx Rowena

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      I prefer that, actually. I can get my own food. I’m far from royalty. Glad you liked the Whoopi quote!

      1. roweeee says:

        You had some good quotes throughout the challenge. Well done!

      2. Eli Pacheco says:

        Quote harvesting is one of the most fun parts of this whole deal.

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