I know … we’re supposed to call them servers, not waiters.
Today in the A to Z Challenge, W is for Waiters. Why? They are one of my biggest pet peeves. Not waiters in general. And I know we’re supposed to call all wait staff servers. I know, firefighters too, not firemen. Police people? Where does it end? Oh yeah, and flight attendants.
My peeve isn’t with the waiter himself. (Although the term pet peeve is total shit, isn’t it? Why would you have a pet you hate? It’s not a pet. It’s a pest. It’s a pest peeve.)
I’m on pet peeves and waiters in part because of my friend Dana’s post called Biggest Pet Peeves. I liked her list. Or rather, I hated it.
I also hate when a server insists on memorizing my order. I’m not impressed. You might have a photographic memory, but what if the busboy drops a tray of whiskey glasses on your head and you suffer short-term memory loss?
It’s worse than toys and hair accessories left on the floor for dad to step on.
Other pet peeves of mine?
Plastic dinosaurs that don’t really depict actually dinosaurs.
My smartphone keyboard. So annoying. Even when I turn the damn thing sideways.
Scrappy Doo and Scooby Dumb.
Disc jockeys who catch me off guard by taking .7 seconds to transition from the end of a Peter Gabriel song to a loaded reference to the 50 Shades of Gray movie while my kids are in the car with me.
The way car dealership TV commercials mimic NHRA dragsters on the decibel scale.
The way theme songs to Disney shows rankle me like a telemarker’s call at 8 a.m. on a Saturday morning.
Twenty-four hour news channels. Not all the time. Only when they give 17 hours to a 17-minute story.
Late-night infomercials as I struggle to write a post. Shit. Maybe I need those pills for an aging brain.
Grown-ups who knock over kids for a foul ball.
The last handsful of animal crackers. It’s like the floor of an animal cracker butcher shop.
When I’m itching over here and my back scratcher is way over there.
The term that should be a red flag. Do Albanians pick a different color for their red flags?
dodgers slugger Yasiel Puig. He’s a punk. That he’s in dodgers blue only exacerbates the situation.
When white people throw fiestas … and don’t invite me.
Slapstick, dumbass, low-star and low-brow movies that use Ode to Joy in their slapstick, dumbass, low-star and low-brow movie previews.
When you have too many stormtroopers and your wallet, keys and phone in your pockets, and silky drawers, but no belt. Your pants droop. (What, is that just me?)
When cornbread shoots out your nose when you’re eating delicious ribs. (Again – me?)
Pet peeves lists. Except Dana”s. And this one.