I’m lousy at this Spanish thing – and I get reminded all the time.
It doesn’t help a bit that I can order cheese enchiladas in Spanish. Or that I know enough to be flabbergasted at a kid’s word choice when he insulted a girl on Elise’s soccer team during a contentious road game.
No, my Spanish is so rudimentary I’d be better of acting out the sentence. The girls even have to help me out sometimes – with help from Dora.
It’s okay. I’m fine with the fact that a blue-eyed girl at work will have to translate pages I wrote at work from English to Spanish. She just knows more. I don’t get upset when girls outfish me or white people out-Spanish me. I’m confident enough to know my worth.
1. How do you say check cashing in Spanish?
I didn’t reference the Google Translator for that one. It helps that it was translated right there on the sign. There’s more translation going on in East Charlotte than there is in, say, South Charlotte.
It worries me when my people cash their checks and walk out in East Charlotte, though. Con quidado!
How do you say direct deposit in Spanish? (It’s deposito directo, it turns out.)
2. What would happen to a constellation if a star died out?
On a one-dimensional plane, it looks like you’re a giant up to no good. Same goes for the cosmos. Stars look like pinpoints on a great dome around the earth, but did you know the planet Mars and the red star Antares look about the same in the sky, even though Antares is tens of millions of times further away?
Stars die out and even move in the sky constantly, although the shift and disappearance take a long time to get to us. Light from Sirius, our nearest star neighbor, takes four years to reach us. Light you see from the Eagle Nebula left it 7,000 years ago!
So like me wearing carpenter pants and mid-90s baseball logo caps, it won’t really matter in the grand scheme of the universe. Some things move fashionably slow.
3. Why do they call it a pair of jeans, when it’s just one?
On a related but unrelated note, will your kids not understand the concept of rolling up or down a car window? Blows my mind.
Italian funnyman Pantalone made famous the wearing of trousers, then known as pantalones, in the 16th century. (You have to be hellaciously funny to have a garment named for you.) Pantalones were short and baggy, and put on one at a time, then fastened in the middle. Thus, you wore a pair of pants.
That’s not the only mono-pair in the universe.
We have your pair of scissors and pair of headphones. You also have your pair of headphones and pair of panties. I don’t think those items have ties to 16th century Italian funnymen.
Two pair of underwear aren’t four underwear, though. Yet, two pair of crutches are four crutches. Woah.
4. Do goldfish digest food quickly?
They do – because it runs right through them.
Not like blueberries through a goose, but close. Goldfish have no stomachs. They have specialized intestines that do the job of the stomach. This is why they poop a lot and why we have to clean the tank so often. A goldfish can’t sit back and chew a toothpick with a full belly of ribs, like dad can.
Goldfish intestines are twice the length of their body. That’s not all that impressive, though. Humans pack a total of around 25 feet of intestines!
5. How much does it cost to go to Disney?
As much as 994 29-cent goldfish.
Like medieval Europe, the wonderful world of Disney considers you, Grace, an adult, at age 10. This means a bump in ticket price of $28 to $288. That’s one park, on one day. You can get a meal plan for two quick service meals and a drink refill for $41.99. You can get old-school mouse ears for 14 bucks.
That’s just for one of you kids. I don’t even want to add it up. That’s a lot of cheese enchiladas.
Neccisito a cobrar un cheque grande!