Go Ask Daddy About the Slammer, Fire Physics and Wally’s Little Brother

The place where I work is a lot like college.

Not just because of the age of most of my co-workers. I’m not sure exactly, but I’d estimate 88% of my colleagues are young enough to be my little brothers and sisters. And that’s fine with me. A campus with a bowling alley, two food courts, bier garden and pool tables shouldn’t be only for the young.

Grace spent time with me recently at Red Ventures, and asked at least 11 questions.

She did the same on a visit to Wake Forest University for a soccer tournament. She dug the fact that you could live, eat, sleep, learn, and play all, right there. Just like at daddy’s work. She asked about everything, from “do college kids have bed time?” to … well …

1. Do they have a jail on campus?

The closest thing my girls have to jail time is school lunch. I’d love to keep it that way.

It’s unclear in my extensive research if campuses have jails. Football schools seem to have especially busy campus police forces.

If you’re a campus cop at UCLA, you might get pressed into duty handcuffing Diddy. I discovered that in some parts of America, prisoners outnumber college kids.

I was a good kid in college. The only police I feared then were the fashion police. I’m certain I committed a ballcap-and-trackpants violation or three.

2. Can’t you edit stuff on Wikipedia?

That’s what makes it unsuitable for school papers and dad’s work blogs, right? That anyone can log in and edit some Wikipedia?

It’s like when our parents said we’d fry our eyes if we sat too close to the TV. (Unless you have the infamous 1967 GE model that spit out X-rays, you’re good.)

Wikipedia contributors can add to articles, but they can’t edit them. So I can’t go in and erase the Broncos’ Super Bowl losses, for instance.

Or bad stuff they write about Coke Zero.

3. Why do flames go up?

photo credit: Detroit firefighters via photopin (license)

Because it says so on Wikipedia.

A flame weighs less than air. Gravity also plays a part. Flames have hot gasses that turn orange, red and yellow. Ever tried to keep an inflatable toy under water at the pool? It’s the same principle. The air in the toy is lighter than the water, so it floats to the top. Just like a flame.

And I got them details from USA Today, not Wikipedia.

4. Have you ever forgotten something in your car at soccer practice, and had to walk all the way back to get it?

MP

All the time, girls. All the time.

I always park in the first available space, which is usually 11 decameters from the practice field. I do this in the name of exercise and humility. Also, because I’d be embarrassed if moms could see the expanse of animal cracker boxes and sea of soda cans that cover my floor board.

One time, I actually forgot the soccer balls.

5. Why is Theodore Cleaver’s nickname Beaver?

[[File:Jerry Mathers Leave It To Beaver 1962.jpg|Jerry Mathers Leave It To Beaver 1962]]

The first result in a Google search brought up Wikipedia!

I’ll turn to the trusted source known as MortysTV.com. According to Morty, Joe Connelly, creator of “Leave it to Beaver,” met a dude in the army nicknamed Beaver, and he kept it in his back pocket. Enter Theodore Cleaver. He even asked his teacher, Mrs. Canfield, to call him Beaver.

“Is that your given name?” Mrs. Canfield asks.

“Yeah,” Beaver says.

“My brother gave it to me.”

The final season reveals the whole story. The Beav asks his mom why he’s called Beaver as they flip through a photo album. Wally, Beaver’s big brother, couldn’t pronounce Theodore. It came out “Tweever.” And the rest is history.

“Leave it to Tweever” would have been a dumb name for a show.

He’d probably end up in jail with a name like Tweever.

Maybe even on campus.