Guest Post: Lisa of Black Panty Salvation, on a Kid with an iPhone


photo credit: Unboxing iPod touch via photopin (license)
photo credit: Unboxing iPod touch via photopin (license)

I get around to asking various bloggers to camp here on a Wednesday.

guest postOnce in a while, a blogger beats me to it. Lisa Bagchi of Black Panty Salvation chimed in on a post called A Guest Post is Worth 11 Smartphone Photos. Right? She came out and pitched her own guest post.

So I took her up on it.

One visit to her blog and you’ll know why. Lisa writes that her blog is about “motherhood, candy, pregnancy, tv, photography and birth, but not that in order nor in equal parts.” Her blog has morphed to one about IVF and infertility to one about breastfeeding and parenthood.

Why Black Panty Salvation? I’ll let Lisa explain.

I chose Black Panty Salvation as my blog’s title because it was 1) provocative and would garner many views from pervs people googling “black panties” and 2) black panties covered the blood of my many miscarriages.  I guess this is a humor blog?

Give Lisa a warm CD welcome, and be sure to check out her blog, too.

photo credit: Unboxing iPod touch via photopin (license)
photo credit: Unboxing iPod touch via photopin (license)

I’ve had an old iPhone in my drawer for several months now.  I looked into donating it (too busted up) and also talked to my babysitter’s mother about giving it to him (maybe for his birthday in the fall).

The longer it sat unused, the more energy I spent thinking about its uselessness.  I couldn’t take it, so based on the success of giving Arlo my old Kindle last Easter, I decided to give him my old iPhone this Easter.

I stripped it of everything but the camera, map, weather and compass.  I was presenting it to him as a camera as he’s always wanting to use my Canon, and the other tools I felt he would find interesting but only for a short time.

I had every belief he would use the camera as he uses his Kindle, which he self-regulates perfectly.

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His iPhone has no cellular service, no apps, no browser, no videos, no games.

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It is a camera.

OR IS IT?

Balls if this kid didn’t unlock every single goddamn hidden feature within five minutes.  Did you know that the compass turns into a level if you hold the phone sideways and click your heels three times?  But who cares about a level, right?  Level is learning!  Have at it!

“THIS IS THE BEST EASTER MORNING EVER!” rang out between the church bells of Montreal.

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Soon enough I saw something moving on his screen.  “Gimme that.”  He had clicked on Videos and opened the iTunes store to which my account is automatically linked.  Shit.  I moved the Video icon into the second-page folder I had titled “NO”.

Now it’s a camera with a couple of tools.

OR IS IT?

“Yahoo?!?  Why.am.I.looking.at.the.internet.on.this.camera?!?” ten minutes later.  He had turned on the wireless and automatically connected to our home’s wifi.

He’s 5.

Still, none of this clicking around was too much of a problem, I expected such exploration.  I was pleased he was so excited and assumed like any other much-coveted object, its novelty would wear off soon enough.

It’s just a camera.  But Arlo’s single-mindedness wasn’t dissipating.  The bloom of his new “electromance” kept growing and soon it was this Thing with us in the room.

Sweat started to run down his forehead as his battery ran out of power.  He and Kris came home from lunch and they both sat in the window facing each other, staring at their phones.

I shivered at the landscape, realizing I had introduced something that would need limits and monitoring and ohmygodwhathaveIdone.  The final straw however came from Farrah Star.

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Yes, Baby.  I have made a huge mistake.  I too see how instead of coming home after school and playing with you he will play with his phone.  He will now have to be reminded and cajoled to engage and I feel as badly about that as I have anything else as a parent.

You need him.  I need him.  I made a mistake.

By 11 the next morning, I parent-ed the hell out of this situation, assumed 100% of the blame, wiped away tears and bought him a new Lego.

IMG_4309

Parenthood, Unplugged.

iphone quote

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35 thoughts on “Guest Post: Lisa of Black Panty Salvation, on a Kid with an iPhone”

      1. It’s actually exhibit No. 2932 on this blog that has dated me. Here’s another: I remember when there used to be clear Pepsi. (It didn’t last.)

  1. He’s five and a genius! My six-year-old doesn’t know what WiFi means, except that it’s something I swear about when I’m at my parent’s farm and theirs is slow as anything.

  2. I would have changed the wifi password first, but I get it 🙂 I had to police my son’s pretty heavily for use in general when he was in school, especially at night.

    1. I didn’t have the sense to stop playing my electronic football game until the wee hours when I was a boy – what could I have done with an Internet connection?

  3. haha take it as a learning experience?
    Glad you decided to correct the situation though. Maybe it’s precocious of me to say so as a young adult myself, but I absolutely detest seeing young kids, and my peers staring at their phones all day long. Be it at the dining table, while out to dinner with “friends”, at the movies, during lectures, at malls…those pesky phones seem to be invading everyone’s lives, and its frustrating to see that some people get so attached to them that they forget that life is going on around them while they’re lost in a virtual, unrealistic world!

  4. Haha this may be why I don’t let my kids play with my phone! They will probably download and charge my credit card and play games all day, and the eldest is five lol.

  5. It’s just a camera? Hahahahaha!
    He’s five? Perfect! I had no doubt he was gonna figure out stuff you didn’t even know about your gadget. It’s in their DNA or something.
    i-Things are the no. 1 leverage power in this house.
    You know this meme: “for today’s wifi password: empty dishwasher, fold laundry, …” It’s happening…

  6. I’ve never been so happy to be broke! LOL
    Hubby and I are still texting and tapping away on iPhone 4s. I’ll be darned if any of my kids get a gadget before I do!! That’s totally effective parenting and not selfishness!!! haha

  7. I have a strong love/hate relationship with technology of any kind. I married a geek so we are “connected” if you know what I mean. We have waaaaay to many computers in this house and the kids who didn’t get phones until middle school live on them. I created a rule that while at dinner or watching TV, everyone including the hubs and I have to leave their phones on the kitchen counter. So far it has worked, sort of. Until we need to use IMDb, lol.

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