Elise and I will take an excellent adventure on Saturday.
We’ll pack up and head south to Ft. Lauderdale, Fla., home of Nova Southeastern University. Ever since we spoke to a rep at a college fair months ago, Nova has been on Elise’s dream schools list. As a senior without a club team to play on, her opportunities are dwindling.
Enter this camp.
I wrote an email to coach John Constable last week. “Finished your recruiting class for 2016 yet?” I’d priced the camp (and accommodations), but I just wanted to see what he’d say.
“We’re still looking,” came his reply.
“Know someone who wants to be a Shark?”
Matter of fact …
A few friends suggested a Go Fund Me page to help Madison and I get to South Florida.
Don’t freak – Elise’s real name is used in the listing. If you’d like to help me see that my girl gets her shot at the big time, feel free to donate.
1. Is Elise going to play at Coastal Carolina?
That school’s on her list, honey.
So too are:
- Converse College*
- Florida Atlantic University
- Jacksonville University
- Lees-McRae College
- Mount Olive University
- Nova Southeastern*
- UNC Wilmington
- Warren Wilson College*
*-denotes schools actively recruiting her.
Coastal Carolina would be cool. The school’s at the beach.
So are a few others, in Florida. She’d be a Chanticleer (a character from Chaucer’s Canterbury Tales, basically an angry chicken.) This season, Coastal came to play my alma mater, UNC Charlotte. So that’s a plus.
Right now, she says Converse and Warren Wilson are the front runners. She’ll visit Coastal Carolina next Friday. Stay tuned.
2. What is cheese?
Cheese is the beauty of heaven combined with the bliss of Utopia, in shredded or sliced glory.
Sure, cheese is a food made from the pressed curds of milk. Just as the planets and stars of the universe are simply space dust and Martian ice glaciers.
Cheese is the bond between slices of buttery toasted bread, the heart and soul of a trio of enchiladas, and the blanket of glory that rests upon a steaming bowl of French onion soup. It’s the gold lining of cheeseburgers and celestial robe known as queso dip that engulfs the luckiest of corn chips.
Cheese is comfort and cheese is love.
3. What are the bugs that shed their skin called?
They’re known as molters – which would make a decently cool fantasy football team name.
Bugs wear their skeleton on the outside – as an exoskeleton. They’re like M&Ms, with the hard shell on the outside and soft stuff inside. Humans and other bipeds and quadrupeds wear their skeleton on the inside, under a layer of skin.
They’re like Whoppers, if Whoppers had soft stuff in the middle, under the soft chocolate shell and crunchy core.
As a bug grows, it outgrows its skin.
Not unlike you girls, with soccer cleats. A bug will slink off and split open his exoskeleton. Underneath is a new top cover, pliable and big enough to house the bug, such as a cicada, until the next growth spurt.
4. Why didn’t the M&Ms we didn’t pay for set off the alarms at Target?
Oh! What do you know.
Stores put security tags on high dollar items. A cylinder of mini Christmas M&Ms – in January, no less – doesn’t warrant the extra attention. These M&Ms should have been 75% off like the rest of the beat-up, no-one-wants-it Christmas candy.
The cashier said it was just 20% off, though.
Oh yeah? Where’s customer service? Only, she agreed. “M&Ms are excluded,” she sneered. Seriously? It’s frickin’ Christmas candy. So Grace and I stormed out (I stormed, she skipped) and it was then I noticed the M&Ms hadn’t even been rung up.
Here’s the moral dilemma: Do I go back inside and pay the piper? (Or Susanna, the friendly customer service counter employee)?
Or do I take a bite out of The Man, and take home the candy? Is Jesus watching? Is God watching? What about George Burns? Girls, I didn’t go back. And the number of websites I can across to bring anyone with the will to learn the glory of shoplifting at Target?
Kinda made my skin crawl.
5. Why does everyone think we’ll have flying cars someday?
Because George Jetson.
Flying cars would be the worst idea since e-cigarettes – or Katy Perry inviting fans onstage with her.
It’s frightening enough to share a strip of potholed asphalt with a joker swiping through Tinder while behind the wheel. How about in an age in which I’d have to share the sky with this dolt?
I’ve got dudes flying over double-yellow lines on a country road to get around my speed-limit-driving ass. What’s that clown going to do at any altitude?
Technology is supposed to take us higher and get us there faster, but sometimes, we forget about stuff like safety. Or common sense.
If I want to throw caution to the wind … I’d rather do it by trucking a kid who looks like me to South Florida to watch what she can do.