Go Ask Daddy About Food Phonetics, 007s Rides and What The Lord Thinks of Your Threads

photo credit: Who Framed Trooper Rabbit? via photopin (license)
photo credit: Who Framed Trooper Rabbit? via photopin (license)

You just never know, guys.

GAD GRAPHICAnything’s possible. We could elect an evangelical Christian as president. Someone could dig up a 1,111-karat diamond. Tennessee Mom can come around and see Cam Newton ain’t so bad after all.

Or, I could eat a bowl of grits – and love it.

One of these things hasn’t happened yet. And it ain’t the grits or the diamond. As a native Coloradan, I’d felt compelled to keep myself chaste of the ultimate southern dish – grits. I feared eating grits would turn me into an Atlanta Falcons fan.

Or a Southern Democrat.

(I still believe kale to me the gateway drug to liberal thoughts.) There’s just something about grits and cheddar with garlic from Charleston and colossal Argentinian shrimp to make a boy change his mind.

Grits and Skittles?

I also won my first club championship last weekend with an team that probably shouldn’t have beaten the final two opponents we faced.

But we did. I’m stuffed after dinner and leftover shrimp and grits, and still high off a 3-1 championship win in which I both suffered a sugar crash (Skittles saves) and took a chance on a lineup.

This on the same weekend I was unable to finish a barbecue sandwich. A delicious one.

Anything’s possible, y’all.

1. How do you pronounce ‘quinoa’?

photo credit: Quinoa pomegranate fennel salad via photopin (license)
photo credit: Quinoa pomegranate fennel salad via photopin (license)

If you can’t pronounce it, you shouldn’t eat it.

That’s what they say about some ingredients. Azodicarbonamide and Butylated hydroxyanisole, for example. Quinoa, on the other hand, is good for you. It’s low glycemic. Hell, it even got its own year, in 2013.

I had some in my rice for lunch. It felt like tiny uncooked spheres between grains of rice.

It’s good for me, though. It’s the seed of a leafy plant found in the Andes, I think. Not actually spherical scoops of uncooked rice. And it’s pronounced KEEN-wah. I’d have guessed kwin-OH-uh.

Makes me want to go to Whole Foods and ask for kwin-OH-uh.

What would happen?

2. What is a great aunt?

She’s one who would make you a bowl of fried rice (with those pork chunks!) and not quinoa. A great aunt needn’t be great at all. She doesn’t even have to qualify as good, or part-time shoddy.

No, she needs only be your mom’s or dad’s aunt.

For instance, Aunt Alice is your great aunt. She just happens to be great, too. I love the teddy bears she made you girls out of my dad’s shirts. I think you have five or six great aunts floating around out there.

3. Is James Bond’s car indestructible?

007 car
photo credit: Car_Museum_Melle_30 via photopin (license)

Agent 007’s car can’t beat it all – and in The World is Not Enough, his BMW Z8 even gets sawn in half.

James Bond also totaled a Ford Mustang convertible in Goldfinger. Travesty. (No American spy would do such dastardly deeds). His 1962 Rolls-Royce Silver Cloud gets shoved into a lake in May Day.

Bond drove no fewer than 58 automobiles in 007 films, most outfitted with high-tech accessories, such as an Arnott supercharger with magnetic clutch, homing devices and tons of guns.

The closest to indestructible Bond car might have been the Citroen 2CV featured in For Your Eyes Only. Bond rented it from Melina Havelock and used it for a quick getaway.

4. How long is Hanukkah?

photo credit: dreidl / flash experiment 11 via photopin (license)
photo credit: dreidl / flash experiment 11 via photopin (license)

Hanukkah’s eight nights and days, starting the 25th day of the month Kislev. It runs to the second day of Tevet. (Months on the Hebrew calendar just sound cool.)

This year, it’ll be Dec. 6-14 on our calendar. You’re supposed to light the first candle on the menorah at nightfall of the first night. They also call Hanukkah the Festival of Lights, and it’s in observance of the Jewish people’s struggle for religious freedom.

They even eat donuts.

5. Why do people get dressed up for God?

photo credit: The Hat via photopin (license)
photo credit: The Hat via photopin (license)

You’ve asked a similar question, about why we dress up for church. This question felt different. The bible leans toward the gussying up as being superfluous. In the Book of Samuel, God is said to see differently than man; the Lord looks at the heart.

Timothy 2:9 suggests women dress respectfully, but not show off.

James 2:1-9 spells it out like this: Show no partiality to a person who comes into your assembly simply by the threads they wear. Deuteronomy warns against a woman wearing men’s clothes, and Corinthians implores us to “glorify God in our body.”

It’s not clear whether than means Louis Vuitton or a healthy diet of quinoa.

go quote


  1. 1jaded1 says:

    There would have to be plenty of cheddar and shrimp in those grits. T calls them something that rhymes but that’s not nice. Also makes fun bc I eat kale…Quinoa is a complete protein. The natives where it is grown and harvested are being forced out of the market due to scarcity and demand by people here. Kind of more than sad that our demand is pricing them out of a food staple.

    Great Aunt Priscilla was a trip. My older cousin once quipped, “what is so great about her…” He was a brat. She had amazing stories.

    Thanks, girls.

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      I felt it appropriate to give them a shot on my 44th birthday in an environment of love and trust. Sounds like a perfect excuse to go to Charleston this winter.

      Quinoa is a trendy food right now – maybe when the next liberal/millennial fad comes through, the natives will eat hearty again.

      Aunts with amazing stories are winning. All the time.

      1. 1jaded1 says:

        Yes to family history. The first 007 movie i saw was “Moonraker”…yay. I think the fact that “Alien” was on the screen behind us, and although the boys got to sit on top of the station wagon (yep) and watch the stomach explosion and I didn’t turned me a bit off to Bond.

      2. Eli Pacheco says:

        I need to get some 007 movies to watch with Marie. She loved the latest one.

  2. ksbeth says:

    mmmm – shrimp and grits. yes, all possibilities are on the table. and i think that god likes to see us fancy once in a while.

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      I wasted 44 years running from them. Actually, just 29. Not sure there were many grits (much grits?) in Colorado.

      I think God also likes to see a lot of other things, up to and including the NFL on Sundays. I just picture him as a Saints fan.

      1. ksbeth says:

        Or me in my wings jersey

  3. Lyn says:

    I hated having to get all dressed up to go to Sunday school and church when I was a kid. I’m sure the disciples and the multitudes who walked up that mountain and then sat in the dirt and grass to listen to Jesus preach sermon on the mount about the Beatitudes (Matthew 5:1-12) didn’t get all gussied up 🙂 Only man looks on the outward appearance. God looks at what’s in our hearts.

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      I remember my Sunday school teacher listing all the bad words we weren’t to say – and then telling us if we yawned in church, we’d go to hell.

      For the very reason you mentioned in Matthew, I feel we should all be able to wear sandals in church.

      The Buddhist service I’ve attended of late doesn’t seem to have much of a dress code.

      1. Lyn says:

        My son in law wears shorts, t-shirt and flip-flops to church. I don’t think I’ve seen anyone wearing a tie in at least ten years 😀

      2. Eli Pacheco says:

        New-age pastors wear ripped-up jeans and sit in coffee shops working on their sermons. It changes with the times.

  4. Shh! Don’t tell me I have never had grits in all my years and being from NYC hasn’t helped this cause as it is not a food available apparently in this part of the country, but still that would be the thing that has never happened for me here! 😉

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      I won’t tell, Janine. But someone from Alabama has to have opened a grits kitchen in Brooklyn or something.

      Or maybe on the island?

  5. I wonder if grits is the same thing as “polenta” in Italy. Just sprinkle lots of cheese over it.

    Love the teddy bears made out of (Grand)Dad’s shirts. I recently sent some of Colin’s baby and toddler stuff to a lady who is making a quilt out of it.

    I would like to state for the record that the REAL James Bond was Sean Connery. Totalling the Mustang was a mistake, though.

    Doesn’t God love all of his children, no matter their clothes? But hey, If in doubt you can’t go wrong with Louis Vuitton, for church and other places 🙂

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      It looks quite similar, Tamara. “Just sprinkle lots of cheese over it,” is a way of life.

      Great idea on the quilt. Those things aren’t needed anymore, the tiny clothes, but so hard to part with.

      Sean Connery would get my vote, too, although Roger Moore was exceptional. Need to watch more of these movies with my girls, especially Marie. She has an interest.

      My girls fear the day political correctness will catch up with 007.

  6. kismaslife says:

    I grew up on grits in the southern part of Texas and with my grandmother since passed, I can’t eat them because she made them the best.

    I am a great aunt to the sweetest little boy and I love it! And it isn’t a true Bond movie if pretty cars aren’t blowing up, crashing or speeding down some mountain two lane road.

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      She set that bar high, didn’t she? I’ve never really considered that I’ll *never* be a great aunt. I’ll settle for an okay uncle, I guess.

      I wonder if a future Bond would be best to drive Prius to show a little environmental responsibility.

  7. Kathy G says:

    I knew quinoa had gone mainstream when my local Aldi started carrying it.

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      No truer words, Kathy. Did I tell you about the time my local Aldi had a dispute with their tortilla vendor and stopped stocking them?

      Worse four days ever.

  8. KEEN-wah? Sounds like a Chinese word…LOL (=`ェ´=)

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      Sounds like “can i just get the rice with the little pork bits in it? and an extra spring roll?”

      1. Precisely! ~ヽ(=^‥^=)丿~

    2. Eli Pacheco says:

      Or a Pokemon character.

  9. stomperdad says:

    I called kwin-oh-uh and my wife looked at me funny and said ” You mean “keen-wah?” Yeah that stuff. So no I call it kwin-oh-uh just for fun. Just like my dad calls puh-kahns (pecans) peek-uns. We may be good with words, it’s just that we don’t know how to pronounce them.

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      Women always know. But we dudes know how to make beef jerky. To annoy is the best reason I can think of to pronounce things differently.

  10. Hey Eli…
    I LOVE shrimp and grits! Quinoa is ok if it is in the proper dish. I have several “great aunts” and I am doing my best to be one too! 🙂
    Happy to know the days of Hanukkah. We have friends who observe the Jewish holidays…
    And last but not least. I have seen ALL of the Bond movies and the cars are fantastic, but the one that made me cry was the BMW-Z8 that was literally sawed in half in The World Is Not Enough! 😦 I still remember Bond saying “Q’s not going to like this!” *groan*

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      Shrimp and grits will always trump quinoa.Maybe if quinoa is covered in cheese. A good great aunt would know that. Right?

      That, according to the 007 wiki page, was the only time Bond showed remorse for jacking up a car.

  11. Kim says:

    Mmmm… Grits.

    I actually just had quinoa for the first time a couple of weeks ago. I was sure I was going to hate it, but it surprised me. Mixed with brown rice and spices, it’s delish.

    Not as good as a fresh chimi or burrito, but good in a “huh this healthy food is actually pretty good” kind of way. Dang it. Now I’m hungry. 🙂

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      Gingers love grits, right? I probably am unreasonably harsh on quinoa. May I should ask for recipes to sway me.

      What’s as good as a burrito, really?

  12. jannatwrites says:

    Well being a southwestern girl, I won’t apologize for not trying grits and my desire to keep it that way 🙂 I like green chilis and cheese on everything but I don’t know if that could even help. Interesting questions and responses, once again!

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      I went through life denying myself the beauty of grits for 29 years in the Carolinas, Janna.

      I’m certain green chilis and cheese would rock on some grits.

      (There’s a lot of cheese talk this week. A tick more than normal.)

      Glad you liked the mix this week!

  13. mamarabia says:

    My husband and middle son eat grits. They love them. I’ve tasted them once or twice and don’t get the appeal, but I’m not really a fan of oatmeal either. We do like quinoa, though. 🙂

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      Smart dudes. I’m a believer now. With fat spicy colossal shrimp swimming in it, especially.

  14. tamaralikecamera says:

    I am a democrat but I don’t really like kale all that much.
    Quinoa is another democrat food!

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      I shouldn’t paint with such a broad political brush, right Tamara? Although people assume I’m democrat because Hispanic.

  15. Hi CD: Great post that has our mouths watering. Sorry, but as southern girls,”dirty-south” who now reside in the great state of North Carolina (close to you) Shrimp & grits are as comforting as….Great Aunts!! lol 😉 You just so happened to taste the best of shrimp & grits as we’ve heard Charleston is known for them. My mama (Inion’s) Nana makes a mean shrimp & grits. As for James Bond, perhaps he never had a great aunt who made him shrimp & grits. Maybe that’s why he trashes such luxurious cars in hopes of getting some attention until some southern woman like Aunt Bee or Aunt Fannie makes him a bowl. lmao ~ Great freaking post as always; sharing this now!! 😉 xoxo

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      Always good to get food in the mix, y’all. It’s amazing to me that I’m just now discovering something delicious like this. Never too late.

      Thanks so much for sharing this!

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      You’ll get no arguments here.*

      *-Charleston grits only.

  16. Rorybore says:

    My mom makes an amazing quinoa salad. A sentence I never thought I’d write since I still cling with abandon to my basic sticky white rice. It’s just so good when it hits your mouth, right? And I think God is just happy to have you show up, and is less concerned with what you are wearing. I mean, wear Something – because you know, public nudity isn’t for everyone. but other than that… 🙂

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      I wish they had a trampoline church.

  17. pilch92 says:

    Congrats on your win! I have never had grits, but I love quinoa even though I pronounce it as it sounds.

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      Thanks! Hell, we can’t even get people to pronounce ‘chipotle’ correctly!

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