The closest anything comes to viral around here?
That time (actually two) I got sick at Christmas. Don’t cry for me, though. (I suffered through in silence and got to watch “Bandits” – Cate Blanchett and January Jones.)
By viral, though, I actually mean something that takes off and becomes mainstream in an instant. Sometimes, that’s not a good thing.
Star Wars, for instance.
They’ve taken a bastion of my formative years and slushed it around in cereal and car commercials. Sacrilege.
Were I a devote Catholic (or even a half-assed one) I might take exception to the Pope on a Rope that became a rage when the Pontiff visited America. [This site has it – and some other rad “gadgets for God”]
Wacky shit makes it to the mainstream. Mainstream’s popular despite itself. There’s so much stuff there. Death, for instance. The web. It’s to blame for the viral side of mainstream.
Han Solo girls. Kale. What is it with kale? Donald Trump. Alex from Target and the Wal-mart deli guy.
And … the dress …
1. Where did ‘the dress’ come from?
The dress appeared online as black and blue (or gold and white), and came from Roman Originals, a store in North London.
(It could be yours for $70.) This dress got more attention than Pippa Middleton’s (with Pippa in it.) This dress split the Kim and Kanye and pulled an F-bomb out of Mindy Kaling.
What color is that dress? I see white & gold. Kanye sees black & blue, who is color blind?
— Kim Kardashian West (@KimKardashian) February 27, 2015
IT’S A BLUE AND BLACK DRESS! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME
— Mindy Kaling (@mindykaling) February 27, 2015
The night it went viral, I saw blue and black. By the time I had my breakfast burrito? White and gold.
It was the biggest case of mistaken clothes colors since Russell Wilson threw to the wrong dude on the goal line in the Super Bowl – which happened in the same month.
2. Why do roosters crow in the morning?
Scientists “know” well enough to strip Pluto of planet status, but they can’t figure out why a flightless bird would wake up before sunrise and cock-a-doodle-do?
Bollocks, I say. Japanese scientists two years ago exposed roosters to all sorts of light and dark conditions, only to discover that even in the dark, roosters jumped the gun on sunrise. It’s a function of circadian rhythm, a 24-hour biological process that plants, animals and even fungus adhere to.
It’s basically what triggers me to want a breakfast burrito by morning, a supreme burrito by noon and cheese enchiladas by dinner time.
Did you know the Japanese translate cock-a-doodle-do to ko-ke-kok-koh? I didn’t even know roosters were bilingual.
3. Do you have those old-people diapers?
I don’t, Grace. I don’t. Age 44 is far too soon to retire the boxer briefs, kid.
Age isn’t the determining factor. The National Association for Continence says more than 25 million Americans live with incontinence, and it’s not just old people. Other segments of this population, you know who you are. New moms, cancer survivors, for instance.
Commonly, older people wear adult diapers. But age is no requirement.
4. Who is McDonald’s named after?
The McDonald’s brothers – dudes restaurant founder Ray Kroc found early in his entrepreneurial career.
Working as a multi-mixer salesman in 1954, Ray came upon a burger stand in San Bernardino, Calif., which Dick and Mac McDonald (cool name) operated. They dished out burgers, fries and drinks efficiently, because of a limited menu that kept things simple.
One look at those changing menus in McDonald’s today, loaded with wraps, frappes and rib sandwiches, and the McDonald brothers might smack Ray with a spatula.
5. Are popcorn containers red and white?
Yes. This is meant to distinguish them from bowls of Brussel sprouts, which are green and white, obviously. (Although in a movie theater, who could tell?)
Popcorn containers with red and white stripes sell online as “classic” or “vintage.” They’ve become symbolic with the food they contain. (Ever notice most fast-food joints have red as a primary color? Post for another day.) Carnivals and circuses often share this color scheme.
This striped mess must have picked up steam along the way, and made its way to the mainstream.
Viral, in the days viral really meant … viral.
Pass the Vitamin C.