Go Ask Daddy About Animal Sorts, Colossal Numerals and Bling on the Ballfield

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My girls go through stages.

Don’t we all? Their stages, born of dreams, spurred the next stage, and the next. Lots of what they transition through gets its fuel from imagination. We should, at any age, allow imagination to lead the way sometimes.

Elise hunkered down between the couch and ottoman when she was a kid. “Daddy,” she called out. “Guess who I am?”

No idea, dear. Who are you?

“I’m Saddam Hussein, hiding in a hole for 100 years!”

Oh boy. (This was just after U.S. forces captured embattled Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein.)

(As a tween, one of my girls raised suspicion from her mom and me for strange, covert behavior. We feared the worst … cigarettes, seedy online activity. Turns out she was pretending to be a spy.)

And yet another transitioned from the I’m a Dinosaur stage to the I’m a Mermaid stage. I’m not saying who. Does anyone else get this kind of thing at home?

1. What category would a mermaid be?

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It’s a valid question and one vital to dining for, say, a Pescatarian killer whale.

Is a mermaid fish, or mammal? Mermaids clearly have hair, like a mammal. A mermaid’s ability to breathe air indicates evolutionary progress, perhaps from fish to mammal? I’m certain fish don’t have the mammary glands so often depicted in mermaid renditions.

In the name of taxonomy, perhaps mermaids deserve their own classification, such as a platypus, echidnas and gluten-free tacos.

2. When’s the next meteor shower?

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We just missed one!

The Quadrantids Meteor Shower shows Jan. 3-4. You might see as many as 40 meteors an hour, pretty good bang for the buck. The meteors come from dust particles form 2003 EH1, an extinct comet. There’s other cool stuff coming in the next few months, too.

MARCH 8: JUPITER AT OPPOSTION | The biggest planet makes its closest approach to earth! This means it’ll shine  bright in the sky. Binocular-toters could even see four of Jupiter’s moons.

MARCH 9: TOTAL SOLAR ECLIPSE | The good news: The moon will totally block the sun, making for some gorgeous celestialness. The bad news: We’ll have to go to Indonesia to do it.

APRIL 22-23: LYRIDS METEOR SHOWER | This is it! A full moon will drown out the faintest meteors, but the biggest and brightest could be spectacular. I’ll bring the hot cocoa, you bring the blanket.

[See the astronomy calendar I used here]

3. What’s after billion?

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A billion and one!

The illion family goes on to 303 zeros! That one’s called a centillion, which comes into use when counting the number of years since the Cincinnati Bengals have won in the playoffs. Trillion (12 zeros) comes after billion. Next: Quadrillion, quintillion, sextillion, septillion, octillion and poopillion.

I made that last one up. But here’s a list of the real ones.

4. If you go low when you’re driving, do you just pull over for a snack?

EP

I often pull over for a snack even if I’m not low.

By low you mean my glucose levels, which can dip as far as the 50s if I don’t eat (it happens!) and take my diabetic meds (it happens!).

My blood sugar should be around 80-120, usually. It’s not good when I go low. I could pass out. I have snacks stashed everywhere. My work bag, my console, sometimes my pockets.

It’s not that I don’t want to share. I don’t want to snack on these snacks unless I need to snack on them. This Pez Yoda has been a lifesaver. Well, not a lifesaver, but it has saved my bacon (bacon doesn’t help glucose levels, but it does promote happiness.)

Yoda has given me just the boost more than once to keep on truckin’ (and get to a Jack in the Box. I mean, healthy protein snack.)

5. Can baseball players wear necklaces?

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Do they ever.

Baseball players wear necklaces like middle school boys wear cologne. It’s a sign of flash that they seem to care about more than anyone else. (Maybe other players do?) Maybe it’s a way to attract a mate.

I wonder which carries more heft – 24 karats or a .350 batting average?

I couple of years ago, players wore Phiten Necklaces, laced with titanium. They’re braided and not gold, but are said to improve performance. There’s little evidence they work, but since when is that a prerequisite?

I had a copper bracelet back in the day that golfers wore. I was convinced my brainpower and physical performance would register on the order of, I don’t know, Captain America?

I wore it a couple of weeks. Then lost it. I swear. So faulty.

Next time they make a miracle accessory, I hope they remember to add memory power to it.