Go Ask Daddy About Click Bait, Songs to Rate and the Magic of Green (Screen)

gad lede 1 15
photo credit: Be unique! via photopin (license)

Man, the Internet.

GAD GRAPHICMan the kids on the Internet. One of my girls got thrown for a loop when, on an innocent Google search, she discovered photos of Britney Spears and Madonna – about to kiss. I know you have stories in your house, when the World Wide Web and your not-so-worldly kids collided.

Add in the clickbait factor, and, well, you’re in for a bucket and a half of trouble.

The teenagers asked for and got new devices for Christmas. Blue screens often light up their faces. They have that slack-jaw look about them, as they swipe and scroll through what I hope is just Instagram and I Funny. Maybe even a little Coach Daddy.

I’ve tried the tactic of overstating my ability to monitor them, to limited results.

At least the prospect of what they find can entertain us all in the form of Go Ask Daddy questions. For the new or uninformed, Coach Daddy is a compilation of my girls’ questions, randomly selected from a list about 400 strong.

What’s the universe got in store for us this week?

1. Did you hear about the woman who got a third boob between her other two?

Not until that very moment – and it conjured images of something off Monsters Inc.

That woman you found online (give me that tablet you little …) didn’t actually have the plastic surgery she claimed to implant the third mammary. Jasmine Tridevil had her moment in the sun, like I did in third grade when I told the class I was born in Australia.

Never mind that.

Someone stole Jasmine’s luggage off the conveyor belt at Tampa International Airport. The cops caught the perps, though, but had to go through the bag as procedure. That’s when they found the Tri-Teat, which Jaz said cost a cool Five Grand.

It’s an important lesson to not believe what you see online – and good gracious, stay away from the clickbait. Someone needs to write about a weird trick to keep them from popping up everywhere.

2. What is a poi ball for?

It’s an ancient flexibility and strength tool from New Zealand for your hands and arms.

Seriously. No clickbait here. It also improves coordination. Poi is Maori for “ball on a rope,” which is an incredible efficiency of letters. The ladies used them for super strength while weaving; the dudes sharpened up for battle with a little poi play.

They also do this with them, in Hawaii:

I’m wholly convinced they’d become weapons in your hands, girls.

3. Which songs of ours have you given a thumbs up to on Pandora?

I’ve steered clear of Pandora for so long girls, but I’m going to queue it up now and see.

I can tell you three I wouldn’t thumbs-up if thumbs-upping would magically tie Marshawn Lynch’s shoestrings together:

Hello, Adele | I could write an entire post about the fallacy of the mindset in these lyrics

Like I’m Going to Lose You, Meghan Trainor | Its.on.every.station.all.the.time.

Love Me Like You Do, Ellie Goulding | That chorus is like plucking out nose hairs.

But, there are songs of yours I’ve liked …

A Thousand Years, Christina Perri | It’s a good … love song.

In The End, Linkin Park | A pretty decent anthem, actually.

I Wish, Cher Lloyd | Okay, so this led to music love. But it also let in tons of junk.

4. What happens if they get tackled in their end zone?

It’s called a safety, although the player being tackled in the end zone must not feel incredibly safe.

It results in two points for the defensive team. The best part of the occurrence of a safety, however, is by far the sight of 300-pound men dancing and holding their palms together over their over-sized heads.

(That’s the official signal for safety, and doing this routine helps the referees make the right call.)

Your dad had the distinction of being hit for not one, but two safeties in one game. As a halfback for the Jackson Park Jayhawks, I watched in futility as our offense marched down the field – the wrong way. We lost more yards than we gained.

Never won a game, never scored a point.

Anyway, we got backed up a few times against our own goal line. Our intrepid coach called my number both times – and my offensive line stood strong as cheap toilet paper. I cried after the second safety – out of frustration and my proper place in youth football yore.

5. Do weather people have TVs on the side?

Yes. It’s the only way they can tell where Shelby or Stanfield or Smyrna is.

A chroma key wall – the green wall, as it’s commonly called – allows the weather maps to appear anywhere the set is green. This is why no weather forecaster can wear green – or risk something like this happening:

Which makes me want to try. But can you imagine that clickbait headline?

This dad wore green boxers for a weather forecast. You won’t believe what happens next!

weather quote



  1. I truly feel you on this devices and trying to keep the time limited here as well with my own kids. And yes mine are on the younger side, but still such is our world today. So, of course mine no all about iPads and the wild world of the internet, as well. That said thank god for kid’s version of YouTube and apps that actually do limit usage time. Oh and your playlist on Pandora has some of my recent favorites on it 😉

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      It’s easy to want to clamp down on screen time – until you have a screen of your own to seduce you.

      Kids come out of the baby ward tapping and swiping, don’t they Janine? To them, the Internet hasn’t ever not been.

      We’ve found a couple of ways to monitor Grace’s use, without having to consult Vladimir Putin.

      I am on a Pandora hiatus right now.

  2. 1jaded1 says:

    Nice. Welcome back and yay for over 400 strong. Electronic devices will never trump dad when it counts.

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      Thanks LJ. The questions keep coming, but the list stays around 400. I hope I can become of more utility to my children than any app.

  3. stomperdad says:

    No to Adele’s Hello? But I like that, even if it is played 50 times a day. I do like me some Linkin Park, however. And a Poi ball in my hands would be deadly only unto myself. I can easily see hitting myself in the head (or elsewhere more painful). Pretty neat to watch those adept with it, though! I’ve never scored an own goal (or a safety since I never played football) but I did run head first into a goal post once because I wan’t watching where I was walking. And yes, it was at the end of practice when Coach had every sitting together so they could all watch me. It was funny as hell.

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      I could write a post about the fallacy of that song, brother. Someday I will. Elise added Linkin Park to my Pandora, and it’s been a necessary fire just when I need it.

      There must be videos of poi ball fails on the web somewhere, Eric. Glad neither of us are in them.

      I kept wondering during that video, “how much did people pay to watch that, and did they get good food?”

      I run into things all the time without even having the backdrop of athletics to blame for it.

      Guys like us are brought in for entertainment value sometimes, aren’t we?

      1. stomperdad says:

        I’m always happy to make people laugh. Even at my own expense. Sometimes my purpose in life is serve as warning to others.
        I have a bit of Linkin Park on my running play list. They’ve gotten me up some pretty long hills. I can only imagine how many “fails” on YouTube I’d be in if FB and YT had been around 30 years ago.

      2. Eli Pacheco says:

        It’s our duty, Eric. It’s always at our expense. Whoever the maker, he’s used me as an example a few times, I’m sure of it.

        Linkin Park can get you going when little else can. Hills, literally and figuratively.

  4. ksbeth says:

    oops, the green boxers! even as adults, it’s hard to know what’s real and what’s just an illusion –

  5. I’m pretty happy that C mostly plays with the Smurf App, “Big Win” and watches hockey highlights.

    I guess for our generation there can only be one HELLO song, which is Lionel Richie’s.

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      Those are the good old days, Tamara. Lionel Richie’s Hello will always be the only Hello for me.

      1. Except Cary Grant / Deborah Kerr’s HELLO which was referred to by Meg Ryan in Sleepless in Seattle of course 🙂

      2. Eli Pacheco says:

        Oh, that’d be okay too.

  6. Rhonda Albom says:

    Poi are very difficult to use well. Some of the children here learn to use them at school.
    The green screen dress video was too funny.

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      I know someone who does them – lit on fire. How badass is that, Rhonda? Ever seen that?

      1. Rhonda Albom says:

        It’s very badass, and I have seen it performed before. My daughter was given the opportunity to spin fire herself at the same event:

      2. Eli Pacheco says:

        That kind of stuff should go on a resume – or at least a college application, Rhonda. Cool.

  7. Lisa @ The Golden Spoons says:

    I remember the first time I “Yahooed” something not he internet way back before Google. I majored in Child Development & and to do some project on breastfeeding. I entered that search term and got several “Boobs, Boobs, Boobs!” sites. Oh, and I was on the computers int he college library because back then nobody and personal computers in their dorms. 🙂 Love that last quote!

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      I typed in NFL.com wrong once when taking a course at Tallahassee Community College. My screen quickly filled with nudie pop-ups!

      yeah, that quote’s the truth, isn’t it Lisa?

  8. kismaslife says:

    I can’t pick my favorite this week because they all rock! The “thumbs – up” had me tears. LOVE IT.

    As for the devices… while I know I would miss mine, I can’t help but wonder what we EVER did before fluffy cat videos.

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      Thanks Tiff. I actually texted my oldest two late the night before asking them their input on that question.

      One of my kids, who shall remain nameless, declined to answer!

      I think we played with cabbage and faceless dolls before devices.

  9. I salute you, Eli! Can’t imagine what being around kids with devices must be like. Bet you hear a lot of interesting internet facts 24/7. 🙂

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      Return salute, Britt. Kids and devices means a lot of sweet little faces lit up in blue. It’s not the Internet facts I hear about that worry me – it’s the one I don’t!

  10. Anxious Mom says:

    I’m glad to hear the three boob lady was fake! 😀

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      Me too, Erika. Me too.

  11. Rorybore says:

    I love Christina Perri’s voice! Her song “Human” is amazing. I kinda like the Ellie one.. but yeah, I can only listen to it every now and then. My youngest is currently walking through the kitchen singing Trainor’s “bass” song. Fantastic. :/

    I fell for a bit of click bait the other day. I have shamed myself.

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      Christina does bring it, Rore. I like other Ellie is good, but just not in that song. (Annoying songs are what keep Katy Perry out of my favorites list, despite considerable consideration otherwise.) I hate “Bass,” and this other one is just …

      We all fall for the click bait. I might have even, once or twice. It was when they tried to say The Rock was dead. I’m not even a Rock fan.

      1. Rorybore says:

        I would click that link. I smell what the Rock is cooking. I just watched San Andreas. And right there, again with the shaming of myself. 🙂

      2. Eli Pacheco says:

        Psh. He’s no Amber Heard.

  12. Tamara says:

    I can only recognize Adele “Hello” but it’s something I gave a thumbs up to, as well.
    Also, Scarlet got an iPad for Christmas. Well we did but we let her borrow it. Thanks, Santa, but she is way too young to love it the way she does.
    Now I know what “limit screen time” means.

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      That song bugs me for so many reasons, Tamara. I’m going to have to write about it. Generation Z was born with an enabled device in their hands.

  13. I am so glad I had my kids young and beat the computer is my life stage mostly. My son grew up in the Gameboy era. Then it was only Facebook right as they were leaving home so I missed out.

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      It’s all screens for Generation Z (and the Millennials, I guess.) Any game controller that has a button for ‘turbo’ is too high tech for me.

      What does it say about us that the good old days were about Gameboy and Facebook, Rena?

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