Go Ask Daddy About Kicks, Crows, and Elves


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photo credit: What’s your name trooper ? via photopin (license)

Boys have been the topic of the day here lately.

GAD GRAPHICWe’ve talked boys, from the perspective of a boy. Somehow, I got the impression that I could speak for all boys everywhere. That’s okay. Boys don’t read blogs. (Did I tell you back in the day I thought boys would read my blog? Boy, was I wrong.)

Boys become men who become dads, although some would argue that middle man – the men – don’t really exist.

Dads, then, are just boys who have a driver’s license. I’ve been accused of this. By my own kids. So I wrote a guest post for my friend Ashley, who writes The Confessions of a Working Mum. It’s titled, The Truths About Dads That Are Okay.

It’s an important distinction.

Dads aren’t perfect. No men are. Not even Cam Newton. (I found this post on 10 steps to be a perfect man. I’m embarrassed to tell you how many of these I do.)

Please check out my post at Ashley’s place, right after these five gems randomly picked from an assortment of my girls’ questions.

1. How many points is a field goal?

A field goal in American football counts for three points.

I nearly wrote about the time I nailed a 25-yard field goal (or was it 55?) at Bank of America Stadium, but it felt too much like bragging.

In 1883, when I was a freshman in college, it counted for five. And they gave a team four points for a kick after touchdown. Crazy. So the patriots could have a 10-point touchdown at their disposal, and still complain about every call.

Field goals are pretty cool, actually.

I nearly wrote about the time I nailed a 25-yard field goal (or was it 55?) at Bank of America Stadium, but it felt too much like bragging.

2. Why do soccer teams need so many coaches?

Can you believe WikiHow also contains a page on how to become a soccer coach? (I’ve nailed down fewer of these than I have the one for becoming the perfect man. The universe laughs.)

UNC Charlotte, my alma mater, lists five coaches – the head coach, two assistants, a goalkeeper coach and an undergraduate student assistant. This makes sense: Two assistants can help with a roster of 30 during training. That’s like, three teams.

The keeper coach can keep watch over the keepers, and the undergrad assistant can learn lots and look important. Club soccer operates with one coach, usually, and a band of fellows who’ll join the main guy on the bench now and again to gain a new perspective.

Compare this setup to, say, American football. UNC Charlotte’s football team has 12 assistants. That’s a head coach, offensive and defensive coordinators, six assistants and three graduate assistants. The 49ers have more than 90 guys on their roster, though.

And maybe one or two who can kick a ball farther than your father.

3. Why do crows hang out at graveyards?

Crows possess an interesting link with death, that’s why.

Crows feed on carrion, a fancy name for road kill. Crows have been considered messengers of death, and they’ve earned it. Crows follow soldiers into battle to feast on the fallen. They’d even eat from the pile of Bubonic plague corpses. That’s hardcore.

Crows hang out at graveyards because of the mowed lawns with plenty of earthworms.

Crows like a nice quiet habitat, one with water and trees and protection. Hence, the graveyard. Talk about quiet neighbors. Crows flock together at graveyards, for protection, not evil.

Even though a group of crows bears the name murder.

4. Does Cruella De Vil wear a fox fur?

She’d prefer to wear a Dalmatian fur, but we all know how that goes.

What else can be expected of a perennial member of the Forbes Fictional 15? Cruella’s a bit entitled and a lot psychopathic. That’s a mink coat wrapped around her evilness, actually. (“I live for furs!” she says in the movie.)

Cruella, the antagonist in 101 Dalmatians, is like a spider waiting for the kill.

What? It’s in the song.

5. Did they shrink people, or did they find short people in “Get Santa”?

There was no shrinking of humans in the making of Get Santa, a 2014 Christmas movie that broke from the mold set forth for 98% of Christmas movies: Single mom, forlorn child, handsome stranger in town who doesn’t mix well with the single mom until they fall in love and discover he’s to become Santa.

No, Get Santa didn’t do that, either. Romantic comedy – geez.

Get Santa’s main elf, Warwick Davis, exudes legend in a 3-foot-6 body. The dude played Wicket in Return of the Jedi and Griphook in the Harry Potter movies. Davis has a rare form of dwarfism, and has also written, directed and produced for movies and TV.

Which seems pretty big to me.

 

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24 Replies to “Go Ask Daddy About Kicks, Crows, and Elves”

  1. Aw, you can totally speak for all guys and I promise I won’t spill those beans any day of the week! Seriously though always enjoy the way you do think, but that is just me. Happy Friday now!! 🙂

  2. Now I have that fun tune stuck in my head, thank you!

    I am wondering now if my sister in law knows this fun little fact about crows because those are her “favorite” bird.

    Great post as always, you really have a way of making learning fun!

    TGIF!

    1. The girls and I quote that movie a lot. Wait, I quote it in the presence of the girls. It’s almost the same.

      Crows have quite a history. Some native Americans felt crows could take loved ones who passed away to the afterlife.

      Glad you enjoyed it, Tiff, and thanks for the kind words. It’s fun to learn enough to write about this stuff!

  3. Warwick also played a key role in the movie “The Brownies” back in the 80’s. I may or may not have seen it a few dozen times.We love the crows. We feed them peanuts so we watch them crack open the shell. Very smart birds.

  4. Awesome questions. Where i work, we may have one manager over one person, times three. The point is to promote the manager to a higher manager…huh? Anyone can manage one person. To your dad’s point a team is many people…offemse and defense and so the head needs help.

    I never knew that about crows. I just see them picking roadkill. Ick. The explanation makes sense. Graveyards are safe.

    In the last Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, only one dwarf was used and computer generated. What a difference from the first film. I haven’t seen “Get Santa” because of the formula used to write those movies. Maybe this year….

    1. Thanks LJ. A friend and I just counted 14 assistant coaches for a 12-man college basketball team. What the?

      Crows are kind of like life’s janitors.

      Get Santa breaks the mold a bit for Christmas movies. It’s not something you’ll find on Lifetime, for instance, which gives it instant cred. Kind of.

      1. Exactly. They are grooming a coach. It puts a burr up my butt bc of two words…tuition increases. Enough said or my head might pop off.

        Lol. Anything on Lifetime or Hallmark…just no.

  5. I’ve always wondered why the football teams needed so many coaches! And, crows are creepy! Great questions and answers as always!

  6. I remember a saying from when I was a young girl first crushing on boys — and in particular the much older cowboy down the lane. “The only difference between the men and the boys, is the size of their feet and the price of their toys.” Unless you have a son who is into Star Wars Lego kits like mine (holy space dollars Death Star!!) and who is also in a bigger shoe size than myself — and he’s 11.

    1. Sounds like that could be fodder for a bit of fiction writing, Rore. I’d love to read it. Fitting sentiment about boys, only the price of my toys hasn’t seen a price-of-living increase since 1986.

      Yes, big dollars in the LEGO Star Wars world. I’ll have to use imagination and Duplo blocks for the time being.

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