My cards said it all.
Not my baseball cards, or even my business cards. The tarot cards spelled out a few things for me. One: to “Not be afraid of the feminine element in my makeup.” That has nothing to do with Cover Girl and everything to do with understanding the opposite sex.
Which, I couldn’t even type without an internal laugh track going on level 10.
Apparently, though, my ability to show my emotions and empathize with others is wholly female. Which hearkens back to the assertion I’m 30% female and write like a girl. Both compliments, in my book. Still, I suffer so in this department.
Yes, father of three, coach of many girls. Sometime partner and sole male writer in a team of women who write. If I do have some cosmic leg up on my gender when it comes to relationships with women, it’s of the British Open variety.
You know, horribly awful scores through wicked conditions that rank higher than the average player.
One said I didn’t need the course, and called me the Woman Whisperer. If that were the case, if I had any sort of that ability … This post would look very different.
So I called upon a pocket of female writers and friends to try and help educate me. Explain women to me, I asked. One said I didn’t need the course, and called me the Woman Whisperer. If that were the case, if I had any sort of that ability …
This post would look very different.
Instead, you, female friends, have bestowed up me lessons to learn in the realm of your gender, lessons I sometimes know and often didn’t or could have forgotten. To all of you I say, thank you.
Communication
The cliché about communication is true. I don’t like to tell my husband to do stuff. I expect him to pick up on the obvious. We have a certain spot right next to the stairs that lead from the upper to the ground floor. That’s were we put stuff that needs to go down. I won’t put a note or a postal stamp on it. The person who walks past it is supposed to take it to the kitchen or wherever it belongs. It’s not rocket science. But apparently, male eyes can’t detect items even after walking past it %&$#?@! times.
Tamara @ Confessions of a part-time working mom
I cannot hear what you say because your actions speak so much more loudly to me.
Tell me you love me often, always. Show me you love me, twice that.
We like it when men listen and empathize; we don’t like when men do all the talking as if they assume we are in constant need of advice, assistance, or random pieces of information. Unfortunately, we tend to not always say what we’re actually thinking, so if a woman says, “It’s fine”, assume it’s not and go back to that listening, empathizing thing. 😉
Julia T. , Diary of a Word Nerd
I can’t generalize about all women: I can only tell you about myself. I’m a passionate person who craves emotional connection with others. When I talk, I would like the people in my life to listen and ask thoughtful questions about my feelings. I like to sit, with close friends, without technology – and plug into the other person 100%. Trust is extremely important to me, and it is a slow, growing thing. When I trust someone, that person has my heart ~ and if that trust is damaged, it’s difficult for me to forgive. I feel most wounded when I make myself vulnerable and ask for what I want, and I am refused or rejected.
When an issues arises, women want to talk about it, especially if it is bothering them. However, they more or less want to talk to get their point across, but not necessarily look to get a solution. It is all about airing it out and getting their feelings across. However, men, on the other hand, seem to want to give suggestions on how to solve the problem/issue at hand though and not want to keep discussing it at length.”
Janine H. of Confessions of A Mommyaholic
You vacuumed? You emptied the dishwasher? You picked up your wet towel from the floor? Now you’re speaking my love language.
Amy Mascott, teachmama.com
I always feel as though women are expected to have some kind of sixth sense when it comes to understanding and communicating with each other. Truth is, sometimes you have to spell things out for me, otherwise I’ll twist and over-analyze and possibly distort the original meaning.
Charlotte, My Pixie Blog
I’m a decent mind reader, but I don’t know everything. I understand a man’s need for ‘cave time,’ but just let me know before you’re going in. I’ll leave food by the entrance and be here when you get back.
MamaMick from Lipstick and Laundry
Women say, “Are you done in the laundry room?” Men think: “You’re telling me I left the light on again or you’re annoyed I didn’t take the clothes out of the dryer…again.”
Cricket, of Cricketmuse
We may be intuitive, but we’re not mind readers.
Her silence, especially a lengthy simmering one, is a clarion call for attention. Don’t dismiss her and carry on as if nothing’s wrong. A sincere and heartfelt “What’s wrong and how can I help?” will do wonders.
Kelly of Just Typikel
It really is simple: be honest and leave passive-aggressive games at the door, and I promise to do the same. Good topics and bad, in text or in person. We’re all grownups here, even when we feel at our most vulnerable and clueless, so talk and listen and learn and try and love and do what’s right.
Holly at Bloggity Ramblings
Details! Details! Details! What men don’t think of as important, women deem imperative. More is more, and in a timely manner please. Chop, chop.
Stephanie Jankowski, When Crazy Meets Exhaustion
What a woman communicates in a day without words far exceeds what she does say, and in greater volume. She speaks with her face, her eyes, her hands and her heart. She communicates love in all the mundane and unseen things – like buying ham instead of bologna (even though it’s cheaper) because you don’t like bologna, or folding laundry after 10 p.m. So you don’t look like an unmade bed at work (not because I have a martyr complex).
Jenn S., of Jenn’s Midlife Crisis
Communication is important. No one can read minds, unless you’re a psychic.
Amber, Airing My Dirty Laundry, One Post at a Time …
When we ask you what you’re thinking and you say “nothing”, we think you’re lying and just don’t want to tell us what you’re really thinking because we are never not thinking anything. P.S. Are you lying?
Sarah at Journeys of The Zoo
Communication… It’s not just people talking AT one-another; there is actual listening involved. In fact, the key facet in communication is demonstrating the other person is heard by the very way you listen and respond to them. Be attentive!
Jacquelyn, of One Woman, Huge World
Communication between men and women is complicated at best and always has been – even with all the technological means to make communication easier, we still can’t get it right. So here’s a tip: Don’t stop trying to get it right. Forget claiming we just don’t understand one another and move a little bit further out of your comfort zone. it makes a huge difference.
Lisa L., at The Meaning of Me
If I shoot you a scowling look with narrowed eyes that says, “Don’t EVEN speak,” It’s in your best interest to tuck your tail between your legs and silently walk away. Should you attempt to make amends, you’d better be armed with a sincere apology and chocolate.
Beware of nonverbal communication. A look can say 1000 things that we may never say out loud to you. Understand that we may not always tell you we don’t like you going out with your friends when we’d rather have some of your time, but that, too, will be relayed in a look and not necessarily words.
Erica
We do NOT always say what we want. You have to read us (sorry guys, but that’s what we women do!). If we’re smiling and it seems genuine, it’s a go—if there’s no smile, that means we’re not on board.
Aunie from Aunie Sauce
I speak very clearly about how I’m feeling once I feel certain I have the right words. Saying how you feel or what you want or need often takes courage, but we are all better for it.
Kimberly, kimberlynovosel.com
Food
I can’t speak for all women. Food is meant to be savored and life giving. Why can’t we believe that?
Jaded
I like food. I am aware of fat and calories and stuff, and I won’t eat certain things because of this. Other than that, bring on the enchilladas! Life is too short to only eat salad. Of course as a woman who is a mom, I am also part Michelle Obama. On most days there are apple slices, grapes and blueberries in my son’s snack box, and not the “Kangoroo chips all the other kids have.”
Tamara @ Confessions of a part-time working mom
Women have a love hate relationship with food and calories. We all want to be that one woman that can eat anything and everything and still be skinny.
Women love men who love women who love food.
Amy Mascott, teachmama.com
I don’t care what anyone says – food is the key to my heart. When I plan a trip or a night out or even drinks with the girls, there will always be a conversation about what to eat as well as a list discussing possible food choices within a five-mile radius. Because food is always the star of the show.
Charlotte, My Pixie Blog
I’ve had a love-hate relationship with food for a long time. As a teen, I had eating disorders, and those body image issues will always be there for me. I’m definitely not one of those people who, on vacation, puts much importance on food (and the quality of it).
Shannon from Radio Chick’s Reflections
I love cooking for my boys – just tell me what you want so I don’t have to guess. An audible and involuntary “mmmmm” is welcome and encouraged.
MamaMick from Lipstick and Laundry
Men say, “Let’s go out for dinner.” Women think, “I will gain five pounds just looking at the menu.”
Cricket, of Cricketmuse
I love food. I think of food when I wake up, when I’m at the gym, and when I’m having marital relations with my husband. I enjoy the company of a croissant or donut sometimes more than certain people.
Rebecca Gallagher, Frugalista Blog
Food is also important. It makes people happy–if it’s cooked correctly. Women like when men cook for them.
Amber, Airing My Dirty Laundry, One Post at a Time …
Don’t mess with a hungry woman.
Lindsay F., The Flynnigans
The arduous process of making a thoughtful meal–it’s all of these things: a way to show you I value you by using my never-enough, limited time to present something special, a test of your appreciation of me and my culinary creativity, an expression of the effort I’ve taken to make continuous mental notes of your nuanced likes and dislikes, and a platform to gauge your response to my selflessness. Then, about once a week, it’s just about getting something, literally anything, on the table so all these needy humans will leave me alone. I sincerely wish you luck in predicting which evening is which.
VA
I eat what nurtures me sometimes and what I love other times.
Kimberly, kimberlynovosel.com
Life
I just posted a picture on Facebook of Jim Carrey with the quote “Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.” This sums it up nicely.
My husband just coached my son’s basketball team and talked about “read and react” in an email to parents. I referred to it as “read and roll eyes.”
He and I playfully tease each other like that.
I also just posted an article to Facebook about how people (like my husband) who enjoy IPAs are psychopaths. Are they really? No, but I thoroughly enjoyed sharing that and simply tagging him on it.
He teases me about buying food at the grocery store for just myself, depending on what diet I happen to be following that week. He always reminds me it’s calories in calories out. (No it’s not!)
Wait, it seems like I do most of the teasing……AND THAT’S THE WAY IT SHOULD BE! 🙂
Kristi @ Mom’s Own Words
Women embrace life because we give it, we love as we live it, and we smile through our tears at the loss of it.
Balance has been the most prevalent struggle throughout my life – not just with managing all the different things in our world, but with finding ways to sneak myself into all the endless caring for others. All we really want? Happiness, along with a few moments to celebrate who we are along the way.
Meredith Spidel, The Mom of the Year
Change is the only constant. And most women have a difficult time with change.
Amy Mascott, teachmama.com
It’s complicated and messy and twisty and sometimes we want off the ride, but the following essentials help us thrive – good friends, a renewed passport, wine, vodka on really sh#tty days, a dog or five, and yoga (is that too much of a cliche?).
Charlotte, My Pixie Blog
Life is such a precious gift, full of roller coaster rides – some metaphorical and some literal. Eat what you want to eat, do what you want to do, say what you need to say, love and laugh lots, and live every day happily if you can. Experience as much as you can while you’re here.
Shannon from Radio Chick’s Reflections
Tell me your dreams, your goals, your fears. Now, tell me how I can help you make them come true, reach them, calm them.
MamaMick from Lipstick and Laundry
We live ours with someone else at the center because we’re givers and nurturers by design. Sometimes we hit our giving limit, and that’s when we need more space and appreciation than we ever let on. Do everyone a favor and, if we don’t readily admit we need it, force us to spend time and energy on ourselves. Making us better makes everyone better.
Stephanie Jankowski, When Crazy Meets Exhaustion
Life is a whirlwind – sometimes women can be moody. Give her chocolate.
Amber, Airing My Dirty Laundry, One Post at a Time …
In today’s world everyone claims it is all about balance. There’s no such thing. One day you are working 19 hours straight on a project and you don’t see your children and the next you don’t answer an email because you spend all day with your kids in the park, come home, have a house full of people you have to entertain and then a house to clean before you fall into bed exhausted. Balance isn’t about doing it all. We can have it all, just not all in the same day.
J. Rizk, The Detox Diva
The great question isn’t “what’s my purpose?” but rather “how do I become my best self instead of mediocre?”
Kimberly, kimberlynovosel.com
Love
Love stinks.
On a more serious note, Love, Valentine’s Day, New Year’s Eve, there’s a lot of expectations on romance and grand gestures. We want it perfect. However it must come across authentic. Cause we hate wishy-washy. We want the right restaurant, the music, the sweet little surprise, the undivided attention. There’s work involved. Planning ahead, making reservations, being thoughtful. And yes, you need to shave.
We may not say “if you love me you’ll do this for me“ but we sure think it.
Tamara @ Confessions of a part-time working mom
We’ve been taught to expect a fairy tale. Don’t. It’s giving 100% 100% of the time, but if it’s the right person it becomes less of a job and more of a gift.
~Cheryl
How much time do we have? 🙂 love takes on many forms in our lives. When we’re young, we have a simplistic, romanticized idea of what it should look like: folded notes and overt displays of affection. Love later appears in the form of friends who always know the right words, family members who never pass judgement, lovers who make us feel special when we need, spouses who jump in to help without provocation and give kind and unwavering support.
Charlotte, My Pixie Blog
Women should be treated like queens at all times. If you’re loyal, attentive and respectful towards them, they’ll more than likely be the same way towards you. Being in a relationship should always be a two-way street.
Lisa Amaya, of Life of an El Paso Woman
Let me be an independent woman, but don’t be afraid to step in a rescue me sometimes either.
MamaMick from Lipstick and Laundry
Women tend to look for the love they think they deserve but bloom like a flower when they realise they are worth more than they have been searching for.
Jenny, Accidental Hipster Mum
When you’ve got kids, packing lunches, checking homework, folding laundry, cleaning the litter box, emptying the dishwasher is the best foreplay ever.
Norine Dworkin-McDaniel, co-creator of all things Science of Parenthood
I can’t say definitively if this applies to communication or to love itself, but I think it’s almost critically important for men to reassure the woman in his life that he loves them after any disagreement or even when he’s just slightly annoyed with her. I don’t know how many times I’ve had conversations with my girlfriends that when I dig, boil down to her wondering if the annoyance or disagreement is simply because her man doesn’t love her. No matter how trivial it may seem, Men – tell your significant other that yes you’re in a funk, but you still love her very much and watch both her anxiety levels and own anger dissipate exponentially.
I think the whole point of life is to love others. Once I realized that the reason God blesses me is so that I can bless other people, life made so much more sense.
Shannon Bourret MS, BS
Regional Healthy Eating Educator
Whole Foods Market- Charlotte Metro
Love can be shown with simple things: taking out the trash, making a meal, or giving chocolate. (What? Women love chocolate..)
Amber, Airing My Dirty Laundry, One Post at a Time …
When it comes to women and love, one thing is for sure. We tend to love hard and wear our hearts on our sleeves. Love is a risk and can hurt like hell, but it is always worth it in the end.
Katy, of Stereotypically Able
Sarah Hammond It’s not just enough to tell a woman you love her. For a woman to know that she is truly loved, actions must accompany the words. Otherwise, she will live a life wondering if you ever really loved her.
S Hammond
Love is the first child. Your relationship is a being born of the two of you that needs tending and care, will grow and evolve, and becomes its own thing that you can’t entirely control. Take very good care of it and honor it for what it is.
Kimberly, kimberlynovosel.com
Parenthood
Parents are a team – even if they aren’t a team living together, and they need to back one another not against the kids, but against bad behavior.
Parents need to be consistent with discipline (if a behavior is wrong today, it’s wrong tomorrow) don’t give in just because it’s the easy option, otherwise your kids won’t know where they stand.
Don’t give your children reason to say, “What you do speaks so loudly, I can’t hear what you’re saying.”
Granny of 9
Parenthood to me is about shared values. Or excellent communication. You’ve gotta pull in the same direction. As much as I nag about messes, being late and other annoyances, I am very happy about the father-son stuff that is going on in our house. There is some serious love and pride.
Tamara @ Confessions of a part-time working mom
Ay. A loaded question I am unfit to answer just yet 😉
Charlotte, My Pixie Blog
You experience the extremes of fatigue, bliss, frustration, and love. It’s the best job in the world, but it’s also the most difficult one. Daily you may feel like you should be fired or you should quit, and then you hear those precious words that keep you going: I love you, Mom.
– Shannon from Radio Chick’s Reflections
The minute that stick turns pink you have changed. Everything you do, from what you eat to what kind of activity you do is now seen through the lens of motherhood and it only gets stronger when your children are born.
Kathy Radigan
Parenthood is the most rewarding, frustrating, terrifying journey one will ever experience.
Our jobs as parents is to guide, nurture and love sometimes “tough love” so that down the road our kids will aspire to be more than we ever could be.
My mission as a mom is to make sure my children are simply happy in life even when life isn’t all that beautiful.
Kisma from Kisma’s Life
Good parenting starts before leaving the hospital by being attentive to that baby’s needs. An infant’s only form of communication is to cry, so to ignore the cry is to tell the child, “You aren’t important.” Being attentive to your infant will payoff in the long run with a child who loves him or herself and doesn’t need your constant reassurances.
Joyce Lansky
Please visit my TPT Store for all of your educational needs
Every woman wants to be a #1 Mom, but feel like the worst. They are much better than they can imagine. Also, few things are more attractive than a good father.
Raine
I can’t do this alone. Let’s pick our battles together.
MamaMick from Lipstick and Laundry
Men say “I think the baby needs changing.” Women think “Your turn, Sherlock.”
Cricket, of Cricketmuse
We grew them. You’ll never understand. So let us be psychotic basket cases on the first day of school – every year – and just hug us when we can’t sleep because we’re worrying about hypothetical threats. Armpit hair or no, they’ll ALWAYS be our babies.
Stephanie Jankowski, When Crazy Meets Exhaustion
Parenthood can be stressful, but it’s doable when you have a helpful partner. And chocolate.
Amber, Airing My Dirty Laundry, One Post at a Time …
My experience is that it is one big, overwhelming surprise. I never expected to enjoy it, obsess over it, and now–begin to mourn its rapid passing as much as I have. It has truly been my life’s work and I don’t want the ride to ever end.
Amanda
Use all your senses your eyes, your smell, your touch, your hearing and your taste and Trust what you feel and hold on to every moment you have because in the end you will want to have hold your babies longer.
MKennedy
We’ll know we’ve made real progress in gender relations when we no longer have to explain ourselves as if we’re some exotic, alien species.
Flannery Sullivan, of The Connor Chronicles
Parenthood is mostly attempting to teach your kids not to do the dumb stuff you did as a kid. It’s also a crash course in negotiations.
Darcy, of Life With Darcy & Brian
When you become mom and dad, you aren’t JUST mom and dad. Don’t neglect the other roles you play and the other things that matter to you. Your children can be very important without being the only important thing.
Kimberly, kimberlynovosel.com
What about you? What would you add?
Just a dad ... 
I’m going to have to read these again and take notes. So many smarts in this lot!
tons o’ knowledge, Lyn. It’s a symposium without the podium.
or the pandemonium 🙂
I truly wouldn’t add much, but most definitely loved that you called upon us to try to educate you and others here today, Eli 😉
Thanks for the knowledge, JH.
love these. mama mick and cathy and gina valley’s statements a lot.
lots of takeaways, right beth? those three ought to be in a mom-blog mt. rushmore somewhere.
Great post Eli! Quite the collaboration effort, too. But I still don’t get it. I’m confused 😉
Thanks brother. This was better than the toons in Who Framed Roger Rabbit. Way. Confused men should form a line on the left …
I love reading what everyone said!!! Thanks for including me!
Good stuff, isn’t it Kathy? Thanks for contributing to the goldmine.
Fabulous! Ever word! Now you should compile one with all the men😉
Glad you liked it, Tiff. Imagine my IQ rising as I copied and pasted in the middle of the night.
All the men? I think three follow me.
Just think how much we learn from the four of you then 😉
I think we’d be stellar at a “how not to” kind of post.
Lol, agreed!
Reblogged this on Life of an El Paso Woman and commented:
This was lots of fun to participate in! Thank you to Eli for letting me take part in it! 🙂
Reblogged this on The Militant Negro™.
Quite a surprising post Eli. The thing about women is that no two think exactly alike, but we understand each other intuitively. If you possess that ability, then you are blessed Eli. 🙂
Loved reading this. Thanks for asking for my two cents.
Think so, Cathy? I think you have a pretty tight club. I have the intuition, I think, but I’m afraid to fire it sometimes. It led me to ask for these nuggets, though.
Glad you could be part of it.
SO many wonderful answers here, Eli–and I think it says a lot about the company you keep! I love this quote: “I understand a man’s need for ‘cave time,’ but just let me know before you’re going in.” And also if men could communicate with us what they need rather than grunting responses, that’s always much appreciated.
Oh, and yes, to being an independent woman but sometimes we need a bit of rescuing, too (Lipstick and Laundry said that one). Women are notoriously terrible at asking for help so it’s much appreciated when you sense there’s trouble and step in 🙂
You guys are awesome, Charlotte. Michelle Terry has some particular knowledge, and I know you’d love her page (if you don’t already).
As a non-grunter, I think communication is easier for me – but far from efficient, unfortunately.
I’m working on it. Knowing when to support and when to rescue. Knowing when to offer help and when to offer an ear to bend.
Many different truths here. Fun, too.
Helpful as in “here’s your manual”? Probably not.
Great post, and at such short notice too! which proofs that girls rock! 🙂
Truth comes in many colors, Tamara. And it was fun to read the responses. it’s not as easy as compiling a manual, even with the convenient headers.
Girls do rock. I have a few new entries to add, too.
It would indeed be interesting to poll your male viewers for reactions or epiphanies. Maybe this column will be the start of a new type of Dr. Phil.
Thing is, a very small percentage of my following is male. I thought when I started this would be a blog for dudes – and the exact opposite has come true.
Hmm, pause, but no comment…
isn’t it strange?
Good read, I often found myself smirking or giggling.
Thanks for allowing me to contribute to this post and I’m glad we met last week. 🙂 Have a wonderful day my friend!! xo
Giggling and smirking are on the safe list, Lindsay. Glad we’ve met, and look forward to having you in six words, too.
That’s a pretty brilliant collection you have there. Thanks for asking. ☺
I’m pretty impressed by it, thanks. I appreciate your visit!
A fun one!
Glad you could stop by, Megan.
First of all, as always, I love your post theme.
“Women say, “Are you done in the laundry room?” Men think: “You’re telling me I left the light on again or you’re annoyed I didn’t take the clothes out of the dryer…again.”” –> 110% Yes!
Thanks for letting me share my thoughts with you. Very therapeutic.
Besos, Sarah
Journeys of The Zoo
This was great, Eli. I loved the variety of answers on all subjects. There were some fun ones.
Thanks Charissa. I got an incredible cross-section. Good stuff.
You have some very wise women in your tribe, Eli! I, too, am going to re-read all of these. Even as a woman, I’m not sure I understand women!
I didn’t respond to your request, because I didn’t know where to start! Oh, how my perspective on all these subjects has changed over the past two years. It’s interesting to see all the different sides. Very cool. I’m not sure there’s much to understand with me. Just respect me for the woman I am and everything’s cool.
It was a tough assignment on a tight deadline, Jennifer. Your take just shows us that what we believe today might not be with us tomorrow.
Much of this I knew, but to hear it different ways and from different perspectives … invaluable.
And I was so grateful for such a response. Your No. 1 rule sounds like something we could hang the rest on. Be kind to me – that’s all I’ve ever asked.
This is great fun… sorry I didn’t get that I needed to comment on all topics. Wonderful wisdom here… not just for you, or just for men. Thanks!
I’m not sure if I’m allowed to say this out loud, but I’m a woman and I often don’t understand us either!
You can say whatever you want around here, Rabia – you can even dispute the nutritional value of animal crackers. It’s a safe place.
This was wonderful, Eli!
You truly have the best of both sides – it shows in your writing, your friendships, and values. Thank you for letting me be a part of the party. xo
Thanks Michelle, and I appreciate your contributions. And thank you for the compliment … it’s not always easy, having it both ways. But it’s so worth it.
Thank you for including me. I loved reading every answer. 😃
Thanks for your contribution, LJ. It’s cool to go back and read them all together, isn’t it?
So much truth here. It is interesting how, no matter how different we all are, there seem to be some universal truths. Or perhaps it is just that you attract a certain woman to your blog! I really like the one about men liking woman who eat. Ive heard men say a woman eating a hamburger is sexy, and I must agree!
Isn’t there? Colors and details change, but the base remains the same. I wonder what kind of woman is likely to read this blog, now that you mention it.
I’m in awe of them, that’s for sure.
There’s not much cooler than cooking for a girl you love.
I am so impressed you were able to put this together this quickly and this well. Sorry I didn’t have a moment of free time yesterday.
Credit to those who contributed, Rhonda. I know the notice was short, but it was kind of by design, too. No need to apologize! There’ll be other opportunities, I’m sure. I’m grateful to be able to call on you.
I enjoyed reading all the comments very well done!
Thanks Mary – hope you’re doing well!
This could be a very important handbook for both men and women.
Maybe distributed at junior high graduation?
So much good advice and wisdom here! You’re gonna need to make up little recipe cards of each smart nugget so that we can carry them in our purses.
I needed it, Rore. I’m afraid that by the time the ink dried on my recipe cards, the ingredients would change.