#AtoZChallenge: B is for Bad T-shirts for Boys


b for bad shirts
photo credit: Trooper… Stormtrooper via photopin (license)

Boys sweat.

BThis explains the two-shirt phenomenon you see in American culture. We wear T-shirts under T-shirts sometimes. Perspiration levels vary by boy, but in a normal office environment, we’ll feel 17 degrees warmer than the average girl in the same room.

This explains the girl-in-a-snuggie next to a boy-in-a-t-shirt phenomenon in your office, and in mine.

That’s a lot of explanations for a lot of phenomenons. It’s also why I had to stop at Wal-mart for a T-shirt. It’s customary for me to forget something every time I pack to shower at work – a towel, washcloth, body wash, underwear … or even a simple undershirt.

It’s customary, bordering on traditional.

I hoped to snag the cheapest T-shirt I could. Did you know a pack of Life by Jockey men’s undershirts will set you back nearly $12? Let’s put that into perspective. That’s like, two two-topping medium pizzas at Pizza Hut. Or three cheese enchiladas.

It’s a little-known fact that I like the clearance rack nearly as much as I do cheese enchiladas.

Who has time for that?

Before snagging a Fruit of the Loom jobbie for $4, I took a look at the clearance rack. It’s a little-known fact that I like the clearance rack nearly as much as I do cheese enchiladas. Well, not nearly, but it’s in the same zip code.

Oh man.

The shirts I found there.

Mixed among Duck Dynasty camo and catch phrases containing the name Jack that I had no idea about, were some shirts that said what they said loud and clear.

NICE RACK | The graphic depicted a trophy buck – during open season on innuendo

NICE STORY – NOW GO MAKE ME A SANDWICH | I’ve heard this a few times on sports-talk radio – which is why I switched to NPR from sports-talk radio

I’D TRADE MY GIRLFRIEND FOR A COKE | I mean, I love Coke Zero. Really love it. But …

The choices left me wishing for St. Patrick’s Day or Cinco de Mayo, so the offensive tees could tee off on cultures and not girls.

As a junior high kid, my favorite shirt depicted Grog from the comic book B.C., and the dialog bubble that said, “Where are the broads?” I get it.

Beer commercials portray women as a commodity, to be sprinkled around like a baker’s dozen of donuts or screened T-shirts not good enough to sell at full price. I get swoony, even in front of my girls, over Hope Solo, Kesha, Lizzy O’Leary and Pippa Middleton.

Despite my own T-shirt past, though, I’d never expect any one of those women to make me a sandwich. Split one with me, yes. Stand in the kitchen with me and pile great stuff on one? Please. Gah, that’s just … dreamy. You know?

I bought the Fruit of the Loom T-shirt, by the way.

I’d feel gross if I got sweaty on a July work day without a T-shirt under my dress shirt, you know? I’d feel even grosser with one of those shirts on.

bad shirts quote

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42 Comments Add yours

  1. reocochran says:

    Glad to know you like clearances, Eli. I sure do like cheese enchiladas! 🙂

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      Without clearances, I’d have old, old clothes. Well, I still do, but it’s a chance to get new(ish) ones. And cheese enchiladas are always the right choice, Robin. Always.

  2. Naila Moon says:

    I just bought my hubby a Darth Vader one. Yes, I found it in clearance and scored it for $2. Are ya jealous. LOL.

    Coming by from A-Z.
    Naila Moon of:
    Reading Authors-http://readingauthors.blogspot.com/
    &
    Just the Stuff Ya Know-http://yaknowstuff.blogspot.com/

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      Nice! And what a price. Heck yeah, I’m jealous. Great to see you here again, Naila. Look forward to reading you during the challenge!

  3. Lyn says:

    There’s nothing wrong with clearance racks/tables–that’s where I buy all my clothes 🙂
    My son-in-law has some wonderful t-shirts. Nothing in anyway offensive, just…dumb. “WARNING: I do dumb things,” “The Dark Side made me do it”

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      90% of my wardrobe comes from the clearance racks, Lyn. The other 10% are gifts! I like those shirts your son has.

  4. So that’s what the two T-shirt thing is all about…Here I am in Australia just trying to look more gangsta 😉

    Jordan, A-Z Challenge Accepted!
    jordansalatenna.blogspot.com.au

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      I like your explanation more, Jordan!

  5. ksbeth says:

    sounds like you made a good choice. sometimes i really wonder if people understand the message that the shirt they are wearing really says. if they do, it’s even scarier. )

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      I think I did, Beth. I’m guilty of not knowing what my T-shirt said – when I was a preschooler, mom dressed me in a shirt with a Cracker Jack box on the front, but the words were actually “Cracker Jerk.”

  6. OK, just a thought: who said that “make me a sandwich” was addressed to a girl?

    You did make the right thing buy going for the pricy, but p.c. T-Shirt. Even though there is nothing wrong with St. Patrick.

    I always keep a spare T-Shirt in my drawer that is otherwise holding my snacks at the office.

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      The only assumption I made was that it was in the men’s department, but you’re right. Either way, still rude.

      Nothing wrong with St. Patrick, either, but we’ve done a good job in America of turning holidays from other places into dollar-beer night.

      Snacks I’ll never be without. T-shirts, I have a 75% success rate.

  7. stomperdad says:

    While I may not wear a t shirt under my t shirt, I always wear one under a dress shirt or polo. And Pippa is totally swoonable? So is Hermione… err I mean Emma.

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      It’s a given under a dress shirt or polo, although I hate when the T-shirt sleeves stick out past the polo sleeves.

      Definitely swoonable, those two. My daughter asked, “what does Pippa even do?” My response? “Everything, lovey. Absolutely everything.”

      1. stomperdad says:

        I didn’t even think of the longer than the polo sleeves t-shirt. I hate that, too. Or are the polo sleeves too short? Pippa does everything. Meanwhile, Emma is fighting for gender equality 🙂

      2. Eli Pacheco says:

        Emma does rock. I’ll grant you that.

      3. Eli Pacheco says:

        We should all double-date.

      4. stomperdad says:

        Fantastic idea. Do you want to let them know or just show up at their door?

      5. Eli Pacheco says:

        By court order, I think we should let them know first.

  8. Rhonda Albom says:

    Interesting. I have stacks of T-shirts with writing or sayings on them, but here in New Zealand people (especially women) don’t wear them, so they just sit there unused. I wonder how I will feel about them when we come to the stated later in the month.

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      Thanks Rhonda. Why don’t women wear those shirts there? My girls wear a few … my favorite is Grace’s shirt that shows hands doing rock, scissors, paper, and reads, “let’s settle this like grownups.”

  9. Ashley says:

    I’d trade my girlfriend for a coke, HA! That made me actually laugh out loud… who thinks of these things?!

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      Not even a case or a six-pack, Ashley! That was the least offensive … and because I’m a bit addicted to the Coke Zero … I’d love to be the one who gets paid to make T-shirt sayings.

  10. Linda Eskin says:

    Brilliant. Love it. Sharing. Thank you!

    By the way, the sports bras I wear nearly every day (first, because the fit, and second, because I train nearly every day) run between $30 to $40, and those are pretty modestly priced. Nicer ones are $40-65. Buying a package of them for $12 would be a dream. 🙂

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      Thanks so much Linda! I’m already behind in my reading … this is what Sundays are for.

      Incredible about the sports bras. Who knew? I should consider this before I complain again.

  11. I can’t put a tag on humor and laughter. 🙂

  12. Lindsay says:

    My hubby’s fave section is clearance too. I get it.

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      Guys like us might not qualify as GQ, but we can rock out the CQ (clearance quality) like champs. Sometimes.

  13. Why is it t-shirt makers still think sexist jokes are cool?! They’re not!!

    Give me a good old comic book t-shirt any day. 😉

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      Because people still buy them, Clare – although, these *were* on the clearance rack, so maybe that’s progress? I can think of so many better things, like comic strip characters or Star Wars, to put on a shirt.

  14. mocadeaux says:

    The world is lucky that guys like you are teaching your daughters the ridiculousness of chauvinism.

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      The world’s luck in this department comes from a generation of girls who don’t even understand the concept.

  15. Kisma says:

    Clearance racks are my both my kids are wearing Converse sneakers!

    Both my kids have a broad variety of T-shirts depicting Star Wars to whatever game they addicted too. Make shopping for really easy.

    There are some shirts out there that just make ya wonder, WHY?

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      I feel like clearance clothes and me make for a perfect combination. The forgotten with the not so picky.

      the shirt that says “this isn’t a beer belly – it’s the gas tank for this love machine” … that’s another winner.

      1. Kisma says:

        Haha- that’s great!

  16. Rorybore says:

    And to think someone actually approved that sh*t. Like there were meetings – probably several – and some porch dick wanna be actually held one of those shirts up and said something like “we’re going for the 15 to 40 women haters club demographic” and some equally stupid boss looked at it and actually nodded “Yep – I think we’re good here. Box em up and get them out.” Shake my head. Yeah, the phrase “knuckle sandwich” comes to mind.

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      Someone dreamed it up too, Les. That’s a profitable demographic, who, ironically, also drops coin on lap dances and tinder dates.

      This is the same store that sold Easter baskets with toy machine guns in them. ‘Merica.

      1. Rorybore says:

        Are y’all okay down there? I think the problem is, and this isn’t just ‘Merica, but we have sunk to appealing to the lowest common denominator of intelligence. We should be raising one another up to full potential!

      2. Eli Pacheco says:

        I’m counting on a pendulum swing sometime in this lifetime, Rore. Dreaming of it, really.

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