#AtoZChallenge: G is for … Go Ask Daddy?

photo credit: After the Clone Wars, Cody quit the Grand Army and struck off on his own, searching for something to believe in. via photopin (license)

Some things just fall into place.

Like, the time I called Jeremy Mayfield’s race team shop on a Friday afternoon to talk to his publicist. All I wanted was a snippet of news I could use as padding in my racing notebook in the Hickory Daily Record. That publicist said, “I’ve been so busy with this driver change for anything else!”

“Oh!” I said. No idea what the hell she meant. “How’s that going?”

She went on to tell me all about the complete team switch happening between Mayfield’s team and another. I played along, and asked more questions as I learned more about the team transaction. It just fell into my lap.

And tonight, armed with a $2 six pack of Coke Zero and a box of Food Lion frosted flakes, I’m determined to get my blogging on and reading on – five blogs on the list, to be exact.

It’s 10:22, and I’m wondering … Letter G.

What can I lead Go Ask Daddy with that begins with the letter G. I could go with gadzookery, the use of archaisms in literature. Galactophagist, otherwise known as a milk drinker. I could write of a gallimaufry, which is a virtual hodge-podge.

Just like Go Ask Daddy!

If only I could think of a G word …

1. What’s a protection program?

I fear the other six Colorado Rockies fans who remember the World Series season have been placed in a Witness Protection Program.

The U.S. government began the program, to protect witnesses against threats on their lives for testifying, in 1971. Members must leave their former lives behind, including names and personal effects. Typically an entire family gets protection, even a mistress.

Three cool facts I learned about Witness Protection:

1. Families can pick from a list of possible new towns, but ultimately, it’s the marshal’s decision.
2. In 1978, crime lord Jimmy “The Weasel” Fratianno received nearly $1 million and protection in exchange for testimony that convicted about 25 gangsters. Among the expenses: Cosmetic surgery for The Weasel’s wife.
3. WITSEC has protected 18,000 people, and not a single one was killed by those they were being protected from.

2. Do piranhas eat each other?

Piranha rules state that the strongest eat the weakest.

These sharp-toothed, misunderstood fish – a popular subject for Grace’s questions – will nibble on each other if their virtual cupboard runs bare. Piranhas aren’t the flesh-hungry monsters Teddy Roosevelt and Hollywood would lead you to believe.

Like your dad, a piranha will eat any meat available in a pinch.

Three cool facts I learned about piranhas:

1. Red-bellied piranhas go after tails and eyes when tracking down prey. I knew guys in college who approached dating in a similar fashion.
2. Birds, caimans, river dolphins and bigger fish prey on piranhas. Having the sharpest teeth in the joint is no guarantee of a spot atop the food chain.
3. Depending on whom you ask, eating piranha is either taboo or an aphrodisiac. Maybe both?

3. Do skeletons float?

Without getting messy with math, human bones, on man or woman, are too dense to float in salt water.

Without getting messy into forensics, bones of a dead person ought to be less dense than those of someone living, so you’d think they’d have a chance at floating. A skeleton in a living human will float, because fat and muscle disperse the body’s density.

I learned nothing of any real value in researching this question. I can’t even be certain the answer is right. I did, however, encounter this summation of the human condition:

4. Can anyone but C-3PO understand R2-D2?

Yes. Luke Skywalker conversed with Artoo on Tatooine, as well as when the pair flew together in an X-wing fighter for the Rebel Alliance. Anakin Skywalker communicates with Artoo in a Naboo fighter, too.

Artoo, like many of us, can articulate intent and feeling with tone. Even beeps.

Artoo really does have a dirty mouth. Early scripts had him speaking plain English, with plenty of blue language. C-3PO’s reaction to Artoo’s potty mouth was largely left in. It’s more than Luke and Anakin who can understand Artoo, though. I found this:

5. Is Boston country or city?

I love you girls. Geography isn’t your strong point, though.

Geography came easy to me as a kid, even with the jacked up notion that the Atlanta Falcons belonged in the NFC West. Boston’s the biggest city in New England. It’s birthplace of Ben Franklin and Edgar Allan Poe.

It’s also the cultural center of the Masshole phenomenon.

And then there’s Red Sox nation. It would seem I’d be a perfect fit, with a beat-up ball cap, scruffy face, and unkempt hair. Sox fans can see each other anywhere (they’re like kudzu) and no matter what other divides, bellow a “GO SOX!” for a friendly response.

Gordon! Tom “Flash” Gordon, Sox pitcher from 1995-2000. Only Sox player to make it to a Stephen King book title. Yes! There’s my G word.

Whew. I wasn’t sure I’d find one for this Go Ask Daddy post.