So my boss said I was “trill AF” tonight.
I had to look that up on urban dictionary, of course. It’s pretty bad-ass, actually. Totally not me, though. I just wanted to cap a rough day with a Red Baron pizza and a 40. Yeah, a 40. Only, apparently, I don’t know what a 40 is.
I bought a tall-ass can of Bud Light at Food Lion right after practice.
Not that tall, though. This can is my under-tall counterpart of the beer-can world. I bought, apparently, a 25. Twenty-five fluid ounces of wimp-ass Bud Light. Oh! The can says, though, there’s an extra ounce. And I’ll probably finish the whole thing in two, three sittings, max.
Life at the moment isn’t so much a bullet train running out of control.
It’s more a ride on a mechanical bull, only you can’t get tossed off it, because your shoestring is stuck underneath it, and the guy running the on button can’t hear you because of the loud music, and also someone left barbed wire in your saddle so you wait for the power to go out.
So, on to some questions from my girlies.
1. What happened to Commandant Spangler’s hand in Malcolm in the Middle?
Not even the Malcolm in the Middle Wiki knows for sure.
We do know this – Commandant Edwin Spangler, who led cadets at Marlin Academy (where Francis attended), suffered dozens of injuries. Those include a missing right eye, missing left hand, missing right ring finger, and permanent paralysis in his right leg.
Three things you didn’t know about Commandant Spangler:
- None of his injures were in combat. He never served wartime.
- He lost his left hand in a sword accident with Francis.
- Daniel von Bargen, who played the Commandant, died a little more than a year ago of undisclosed causes. He was 64.
2. Do you need a new license if you dye your hair?
I almost asked a girl at work this. She has blond hair with blue streaks.
It’s tough to find anything online. I learned that in the state of Maine, you cannot use online Rapid Renewal to get a new license if you “wish to change your hair color or your weight.” You also cannot if your privilege to drive has been suspended or revoked.
Never mind hair color. I can’t decide which photo I hate more – my driver’s license or my passport. I don’t think these tips could even have saved me.
3. Does gravity repel fire?
Dude. This is deep.
Flames rise upward against gravity. Gravity pulls on air and the flame. The flame, lighter and warmer than air, gets displaced upward. It’s buoyancy, like what keeps a ship afloat. A flame in space would look round, because dense air wouldn’t be pushed downward.
That’s as scientific as I’ve had to be since freshman year in college, when I got an 8 on a science test.
4. Is this the same song (We Will Rock You/We Are The Champions)?
They are two songs, each written by a different man, both performed by legendary rock band Queen.
Yet, when they’re torn asunder … what’s more tragic in the world of music?
(Outside of Vegas-lounge cheesy renditions of Frank Sinatra tunes.)
Brian May wrote We Will Rock You; Freddie Mercury wrote We Are the Champions.
Without research into liner notes or lyric interpretations, let me, as a soccer coach, dissect why these songs need to remain linked.
(Are you listening Pandora, and every rock station from Walla Walla to Waxhaw?)
We Will Rock You smacks of grungy loyalty, of a gritty resolve to rise from the dredges and make something happe. It’s setting aside pride and perception to give what it takes and stand tall in opposition to the favorite. It’s a promise to give them 90 minutes of hell.
We Are the Champions represents a pinnacle, the very reason we toil at the bottom of the heap in the first place. “We’ll keep on fighting, ‘til the end …” Indeed. We are the champions of the world, even though it’s just a club tournament in Mooresville.
Top of the heap feels like top of the heap.
The opening stanza gets to me.
I’ve paid my dues
Time after time
I’ve done my sentence
But committed no crime
And bad mistakes
I’ve made a few
I’ve had my share of sand
Kicked in my face
But I’ve come through
5. When are the next Olympics?
The International Olympic Committee has picked the four sites for games of the Olympiad:
Rio de Janeiro, for the 2016 Summer Games
Pyeongchang, for the 2018 Winter Games
Tokyo, for the 2020 Summer Games
Beijing, for the 2022 Winter Games
There’s a countdown on the Rio Olympics website. That means you’d better get on it, girls, if you’re to get on that USWNT by then. Remember, daddies get free tickets. And lunch with Hopey Solo. What? It’s in the rules.
That’d be Trill AF. Right?