#AtoZChallenge: Z is for Zonules

glasses lede

I’m a proud dinosaur from the Gen X era.

ZI listen to 80s music. I prefer the cream popsicle Buccaneers uniform to the pewter. Yet, the Pew Research Center’s How Millennial Are You? poll registers me at 72% Millennial. 72?? That’s nearly three-fourths Uber-riding, left-leaning, finger-swipe everything generation.

What in the name of Boy George is that all about?

I’m a stodgy right-leaning Libertarian who appreciates the progression of George Michael and the taste of original Coke – and sport an updated look that defies my greying temples.I don’t use Uber. I don’t Feel the Bern. I would consider buying eyeglasses online, though.

So, I tried out the Home Try-On kit from Warby Parker.

They sell eyeglasses and sunglasses online. You pick five frames. You try them out for a week. You can post photos to social media with hashtags, and crowd-source the choice of your next eyeglass or sunglass frames. Guess how far I was able to push this?

I might be a 72 Millennial, but that 28% Gen X is strong with this one.

I tried them on. I solicited opinion from friends and passersby, circumstance and the universe. Here are the frames I tried. Feel free to chime in with your thoughts on each.

OATES | Jet black matteglasses1

My girls hated them. They did well at work, but being the leadoff hitter, I think just something different on my face would get noticed. I liked them, but felt they cast shadows on my eyes, which already look tired from a lifetime of blogging, playing Atari, and watching Woody Woodpecker. Still, at work, they were called “Half Frames on Fleek.” At my age, I shouldn’t be on fleek anything.


They make you look like you have a uni-brow.

You looked distinguished. I like!

Dad! What the …


BARNETT | Toffee Fade

I wore these on Day 2. They weren’t as overbearing as the first pair. I liked them. Understated, sleek. Then my co-worker, Chelsea, noted that she has the exact same frames. Is she wearing boy frames, or am I wearing girl frames? These felt light and comfortable, but certainly weren’t show stoppers. I really don’t need showstoppers on my face at age 44.


“Dad, seriously?”

new clear

PERCY | Crystal

By far, these were the most beloved and reviled frames of the bunch. My girls hated them. Two of the coolest guys at work loved them. (One guy said he specifically was attracted to ME in these glasses. That’s power.) An ultra-cute mom in the drop-off line inched up in traffic to say hi to me on the drive to work the day I wore them. Was it the glasses or my sick Pontiac? We’ll never know. The Grand-Am is on fleek. Referred to as ‘clear eyes full hearts’ on the Slack.


You look like Mahatma Gandhi!

I love these. When I saw you, I thought to myself, ‘he looks like he’s about to fix something.’

Dad, take those off your face.

the new hipster

FELTON | Jet Black

They reminded me of the frames Cubs manager Joe Maddon wears. He’s cool, in the way we old guys hope to be cool – by not trying to be cool. That’s the look I had in mind when I got my last pair of glasses, years and years ago. I didn’t exactly live the ‘hipster hacker’ life one might expect with these. I had a horrible day in them. Especially compared to the day I had in the Percys. It’s entirely possible, I realize, that the bad day had more to do with the stuff I dealt with that day, and less about the actual frames.


Dad, those are hideous.

Are you trying to be a hipster?

You look like the old man in Up.

last frames

ROOSEVELT | Jet Black Matte

These came to me crooked. My friend Brian put them on. He looked like a Picasso. I can only imagine I did, too. (I had to contort my face – or at least my ears – to get them to stay on straight.) Maybe my current glasses are crooked. And I always felt it was my face that was out of kilter. Not that it might not still be … I liked the shape of the lenses. Head to head with the Feltons, though, I think the Feltons come out a touchdown ahead anyway.



P.S. Zonules are fibers that keep the lense in place inside your eye. Who new?

What do you think? Which frames are best? What’s your experience with Warby Parker been?

glasses quote


  1. Yvonne says:

    No comment on the frames, we’d have to see you in the flesh to get the full impact!

    But, now I know what “on fleek” means, anyhow.

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      They’d all help me see better without having to blow up my screen. That ought to be the important part, right?

      My kids want me as far from on fleek as humanly possible.

  2. 1jaded1 says:

    In the end, you’re the one who has to wear them. From one Gen X Dino to another…Go with what you like. Hahahahaha..at your daughters’ comments.

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      True, LJ. And I’d want to pick the pair that made me feel best that day, without digging divots into the bridge of my nose. I love my girls’ honesty (or sense of humor, take your pick!)

      1. 1jaded1 says:

        I say your girls are both. Btw, my frames are purple. I get mixed reviews, and that’s okay cuz if I gotta wear the things, I may as well like them. Divots suck.

      2. Eli Pacheco says:

        Ultimately, our specs are for us, right?

  3. Nikki says:

    My vote? Barnett. Rawrs.

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      Duly noted! They were the color of caramel candy, so there’s that.

  4. stomperdad says:

    Hmmm How about contacts? 🙂 The comments from your girls are hilarious. Quite the comedians.

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      I’d rather have something on my face than on my eyeballs, Eric. My girls are always down for a good quote.

      I don’t know where they get it.

      1. stomperdad says:

        That makes two of us. I’m not sure I could not poke myself in the eye trying to put contacts in. I wonder which chromosome the humor gene is on.

      2. Eli Pacheco says:

        That’s something science needs to get on, Eric – we can clone sheep later. (Wait, they already did, didn’t they?)

  5. cricketmuse says:

    Go with your girls vote, forget work. You have to live with your girls, so better go with what works for them.

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      Sound advice, Cricket. They wouldn’t have voted for any of these. Back to the drawing board?

      1. Eli Pacheco says:

        I’d find a way to muck that up, Crick.

      2. cricketmuse says:

        I hear ya. I much prefer my specs.

      3. Eli Pacheco says:

        *looks around for glasses*

  6. Nikki says:

    I gotta go with Felton! Your girls are hilarious. I think they get it from you!

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      I do like the Feltons best. They’re a riot, aren’t they? Try sharing pizza with them, Nikki.

  7. Kathy G says:

    I’d say go with the frames that make you feel the best. My eyes are so bad (and prescription so strong) I’d be reluctant to buy glasses online.

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      That’d be the Percys, but maybe I could also get the Feltons, for days I want to be battered about like a pinata by life?

      People get meds, clothes, even dates online now …

  8. Clint says:

    I like the ones that bring out your bigotry and intorelence. You do understand transgender people have been using bathrooms for decade? There is zero evidence to support your fears. Stop using your daughters to hide behind. You’re ignorant, end of story. Just Google ‘sexually assaulted in a restroom’ and you get thousands of examples of cisgendered straight men.

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      Clint – you couldn’t have it more wrong. I don’t know everything about the transgender struggle. I want to understand, though. I wish you could have heard that in my portion on HLN today. To paint me as a bigot because of what I said is to dismiss my entire perspective. The far right use their data to support extreme views, and the same thing is done on the left.

      I’m just a dad in the middle, brother, trying to understand it all.I want to understand all the concerns, and also understand what this bill means to people not like me.

  9. ksbeth says:

    yes, to the quote, i believe that i am absolutely cyborg with my glasses on. my preference, i love the feltons on you.

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      kind of makes you feel bad-ass, doesn’t it beth? thanks for the felton vote – I like those a lot, too.

  10. artistpath says:

    I loved the Percy’s! I loved your daughter’s comments! I recently got new glasses and my daughters comment was, “looks like you’re going to a civil rights sit in”ya gotta love your kids!

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      Duly noted, Sue. My daughters are quote machines, that’s for sure. Civil rights sit-in! Where do these kids get all their humor? Nice.

  11. Hello Eli! I’m very happy you stopped by Quantum Hermit today so I might find your blog here. You’ve got a wonderfully humorous style! I’m just about to find out how Millennial I am. I’ll post it here in a moment. My Millennial score is 60. But I did find that the answers didn’t fit me more than not. For instance, is watching Netflix the same as watching television? I had to say no because, essentially, it’s not network or any other kind of TV. Oh, and I don’t have a landline, I have VOIP, but I also have a cell which I never use. They needed to include the VOIP as a category, I think.
    Can I assume that by video games they meant online games? I said yes, because I do. Oh and when they say “religious” does that include living Spiritually? Who knows?

    But you’re more Millennial than me, and I’m older than you, so that works. 🙂

    BTW, I’m going for the BARNETT | Toffee Fade glasses. Nice. Like you said, not overbearing.


    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      Hi Fimnora – welcome! Glad you like it here. I was glad to find your blog, too. Great points on those millennial questions. I guess it’s less scientific than I thought!

      I think there’s a distinction between religious living and spiritual living, but that’s the fodder for another post!

      Thanks on the vote for toffee fade. That still makes me think of candy, which is okay by me.

  12. Definitely the Feltons! My frames are red…and I finally brought Hubby over to the “dark side” and his new glasses are very hipster! Now if we could lose the Mr. Rogers sweater… 😉

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      Thanks Jenn – they’re favorites of mine, too, and I gave them another go after the first disastrous day.

      Hipster glasses and the Mr. Rogers sweater are a classic combo, right?

  13. Lyn says:

    I think I like Percy, Barnett and Felton. Yes, I must say the Felton do look like the ones Mr Fredricksen wore in Up, but not quite so square 🙂 My current frames are metal and have an oil on water rainbowy effect to them. Years ago when I first wore glasses, the health department free ones were only plastic frames – blue, pink, purple or tortoiseshell–ugh! In the end, you have to wear the ones you are happy with regardless of what anyone else thinks.

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      Not a bad trio, Lyn. I hope the girls didn’t think I was quite as grumpy as Mr. Fredricksen – maybe they considered me every bit as adventurous?

      You’re right about how we must choose them. Felton is my favorite in the moment, having just begun to edge out the Percys.

  14. mocadeaux says:

    As a Cubs fan, I say this in the most positive way possible: the Roosevelts are a little too Harry Caray. The Felton/Joe Maddon look is better.

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      In 2016, Maddon > Caray?

  15. Rorybore says:

    Yep, Percy – hands down.
    I wear contacts – I even slept in them the whole weekend because I was at Girl Guide camp and woke up to “Mr.YN – I can’t sleep.” 439 times and reaching for glasses that many times is frankly more exhausting than being woke up by 25 five to seven year olds constantly in the night.
    Besides, I think my frames are still the same ones from about 20 years ago, so probably truly frightening.

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