I’m a proud dinosaur from the Gen X era.
I listen to 80s music. I prefer the cream popsicle Buccaneers uniform to the pewter. Yet, the Pew Research Center’s How Millennial Are You? poll registers me at 72% Millennial. 72?? That’s nearly three-fourths Uber-riding, left-leaning, finger-swipe everything generation.
What in the name of Boy George is that all about?
I’m a stodgy right-leaning Libertarian who appreciates the progression of George Michael and the taste of original Coke – and sport an updated look that defies my greying temples.I don’t use Uber. I don’t Feel the Bern. I would consider buying eyeglasses online, though.
So, I tried out the Home Try-On kit from Warby Parker.
They sell eyeglasses and sunglasses online. You pick five frames. You try them out for a week. You can post photos to social media with hashtags, and crowd-source the choice of your next eyeglass or sunglass frames. Guess how far I was able to push this?
I might be a 72 Millennial, but that 28% Gen X is strong with this one.
I tried them on. I solicited opinion from friends and passersby, circumstance and the universe. Here are the frames I tried. Feel free to chime in with your thoughts on each.
OATES | Jet black matte
My girls hated them. They did well at work, but being the leadoff hitter, I think just something different on my face would get noticed. I liked them, but felt they cast shadows on my eyes, which already look tired from a lifetime of blogging, playing Atari, and watching Woody Woodpecker. Still, at work, they were called “Half Frames on Fleek.” At my age, I shouldn’t be on fleek anything.
They make you look like you have a uni-brow.
You looked distinguished. I like!
Dad! What the …
BARNETT | Toffee Fade
I wore these on Day 2. They weren’t as overbearing as the first pair. I liked them. Understated, sleek. Then my co-worker, Chelsea, noted that she has the exact same frames. Is she wearing boy frames, or am I wearing girl frames? These felt light and comfortable, but certainly weren’t show stoppers. I really don’t need showstoppers on my face at age 44.
PERCY | Crystal
By far, these were the most beloved and reviled frames of the bunch. My girls hated them. Two of the coolest guys at work loved them. (One guy said he specifically was attracted to ME in these glasses. That’s power.) An ultra-cute mom in the drop-off line inched up in traffic to say hi to me on the drive to work the day I wore them. Was it the glasses or my sick Pontiac? We’ll never know. The Grand-Am is on fleek. Referred to as ‘clear eyes full hearts’ on the Slack.
You look like Mahatma Gandhi!
I love these. When I saw you, I thought to myself, ‘he looks like he’s about to fix something.’
Dad, take those off your face.
FELTON | Jet Black
They reminded me of the frames Cubs manager Joe Maddon wears. He’s cool, in the way we old guys hope to be cool – by not trying to be cool. That’s the look I had in mind when I got my last pair of glasses, years and years ago. I didn’t exactly live the ‘hipster hacker’ life one might expect with these. I had a horrible day in them. Especially compared to the day I had in the Percys. It’s entirely possible, I realize, that the bad day had more to do with the stuff I dealt with that day, and less about the actual frames.
Dad, those are hideous.
Are you trying to be a hipster?
You look like the old man in Up.
ROOSEVELT | Jet Black Matte
These came to me crooked. My friend Brian put them on. He looked like a Picasso. I can only imagine I did, too. (I had to contort my face – or at least my ears – to get them to stay on straight.) Maybe my current glasses are crooked. And I always felt it was my face that was out of kilter. Not that it might not still be … I liked the shape of the lenses. Head to head with the Feltons, though, I think the Feltons come out a touchdown ahead anyway.
P.S. Zonules are fibers that keep the lense in place inside your eye. Who new?
What do you think? Which frames are best? What’s your experience with Warby Parker been?