🍉 Go Ask Daddy About South American Seeds, Latin American Moves and One Tough American Chick

photo credit: Star Wars Celebration 2015 via photopin (license)

It’s back.

GAD GRAPHICTwo years ago, I held a kid selfie contest here on the CD. The rules were simple: Send in a selfie your child took with your phone. It must be there already; no staged shots for the contest. (It’s the honor system, and Smoky the Bear will know if you break the rules.)

Send your photos to epacheco@redventures.com, by Friday, June 3. I’ll post entrants on Go Ask Daddy for June 10, and open the contest to an open poll. I’ll determine a winner by June 17. The winning kid will receive a prize package valued at a minimum $3.

Get those selfies in!

photo credit: Nuts via photopin (license)

1. Where do peanuts come from?

The world loves peanuts – except of course Hayden, and many like her, who are allergic.

Peanuts grow everywhere. They originated in Bolivia and Peru. To be even more specific, they come from the foothills of the Andes. By the first century A.D., otherwise known as my junior year in college, peanuts had crept north to Mexico.

European settlers got ahold of them and took them worldwide, along with “My Dad Went to the Andes Foothills and All I Got Was This Lousy T-shirt” T-shirts.


2. How many people read your blog?

Today, excluding European explorers, 57 souls have visited my URL and read 80 posts.

Like Rockies middle relief pitching, the numbers wax and wane. This month, Coach Daddy averages 103 clicks a day. For 2016, it’s a 105 average. My best month saw 171 daily. My worst: My second month, with 17 clicks. I was grateful for every single one.

My best day ever saw 706 clicks, in the midst of the BlogHer Voice of the Year hubbub. All in all, more than 123,000 people have clicked from 160 countries, including Syria, Djibouti and a place called the Isle of Man. My top 10 nations:

  1. United States: 93,763
  2. Canada: 7,620
  3. United Kingdom: 3,658
  4. Australia: 3,356
  5. Switzerland (Thanks to Tamara!): 2,321
  6. India: 1,389
  7. Philippines: 859
  8. Germany: 601
  9. New Zealand: 458
  10. Mexico: 423

I’ve yet to garner a visitor from Greenland, Sudan or Iran. I have 1,958 blog subscribers, and more than 3,000 Twitter followers, but they might be sticking around for my poetic waxing about cheese. I’ve written 594 posts.

People have found my blog with keywords as strange as how deep is water polo pool, things a grown man should never do and hope solo hot. I’m most proud, though, that two web searchers found my page after an inquiry of cheeseburger.

3. What dance moves did you do in Zumba?

Did, as in past tense. It’s been months since I’ve been back, girls.

I’m still signed up, and I get email notifications.

Maybe after soccer season and allergy season and El Nino. I could identify Zumba moves as well as I could microbial fuel cells or distinguish between a minipad and a maxipad with wings while staring at the female hygiene aisle at 3:30 a.m. On low battery.

Zumba incorporates elements of the Cha Cha and Merengue, which are fly, unless you look in the mirror.

They say you can add your own style to your Zumba moves from your instructor.

I did that. I’d get carried away on that Latin beat, and remember my heritage, and all of a sudden, I look in the mirror, and the svelt millennials around me, and I swear it look like I’m on invisible fire like race car pit crews sometimes do.

Zumba incorporates elements of the Cha Cha and Merengue, which are fly, unless you look in the mirror. Then, you look more like the intersection of joint inflammation and muscle relaxers. Plus, hearing the music, I have a hankering for queso dip right after.

tropical fish
photo credit: suzukichick via photopin cc

4. How can you tell if a fish is tropical?

They have a pineappley taste to them.

Tropical fish come from tropical waters. Tropical waters fit around the globe neatly between the Tropic of Cancer (23.5 degrees north) and the Tropic of Capricorn (23.5 degrees south). The Mickey Mouse platys and zebra danios in our tank are tropical.

My research today also tells me that mama platy probably had babies, which became snacks for all the other fish recently. We bought a tiki head to put in the tank for fry (a masochistic name for baby fish) to hide in the next go-round, rather than become sushi.

5. Is Abby Wambach the U.S. captain?

She was, in her final moments with the U.S. women’s national team.

In the 79th minute of the U.S.’ World Cup championship last summer, Wambach, in her final game, came on to replace Tobin Heath. Carli Lloyd, in the midst of an incredible hat trick performance, immediately bestowed the armband to Wambach.

Wambach has 249 international caps and 183 international goals, the most of anyone, all-time. An incredible 77 of those came on headers. That means Abby’s noggin would rank seventh on the USWNT’s career scoring list.

Abby Wambach even took a selfie with the Commander in Chief once.

Wambach and Christie Rampone, both captain-caliber players playing fewer minutes at the end of their careers, unofficially conceded the captain’s armband to Lloyd. Lloyd turned it back to Wambach, who turned it back to Rampone for the medals ceremony.

She even took a selfie with the Commander in Chief once.

But she’s ineligible for the kids’ selfie contest on the CD.

Sorry, Abs.

wambach quote


  1. Lyn says:

    Talking about fish…well, spiders actually. Sydney scientists have discovered 7 new species of peacock spiders. The males must have been to your Zumba lessons 😀

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      That’s incredible, Lyn! If I could Zumba like a peacock spider …

      1. Lyn says:

        LOL I know…you’d either have to fight all the girls off or the CIA would hire you to teach their agents new fighting moves 😉

  2. Ginny Marie says:

    My blog stats have been dismal lately. Perhaps if I started writing something that would change! My daughter loved the typing storm trooper! I have a bunch of her selfies on my phone.

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      They go in waves, Ginny. And sometimes our wells run a bit dry. That typing storm trooper is my background image for Google plus – that’s me!

      Please send in a selfie for the contest!

  3. stomperdad says:

    I love that stat about the search terms that led to your blog. “Sunday” led someone to me. As did “pet snake quotes” which is odd because I have neither a pet snake or quotes about snakes, pets or wild. Now, if you don’t mind, I have this sudden hankering for a cheeseburger…

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      Search terms fascinate and terrify me, Eric. Sunday is a kickass term to have someone find your blog with.

      You’re probably right there with the NFL and Jesus.

      I very nearly had a cheeseburger for breakfast. True story.

      1. stomperdad says:

        I didn’t even think of that Sunday connection. Unless they were looking for ice cream.

      2. Eli Pacheco says:

        Is that how they spell ‘sundae’ in Canada, Eric?

      3. stomperdad says:

        Nope, that’s how I spell it.

  4. Lindsay says:

    You had me cracking up at your mention of Zumba. I can just picture you. 🙂

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      I need to get back on that train. Don’t look in the mirror, Eli, just don’t look in the mirror. Jesus loves you just as you are. Right?

  5. Nikki says:

    Yea, I was picturing the Zumba moves too. Made me grin. I love Zumba. It’s a great way to sweat without getting stuck in a rut, for me. Plus who doesn’t like to essentially dance for an hour? Fun stuff!

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      Imagine a bulldog with salsa fleas, Nikki. Grin-worthy for sure. It was fun, though, I just wish they’d turn the lights down low.

      I’ve never fallen down. I’ve never thrown up. Come to think of it, that kind of makes me a champ at Zumba.

  6. 1jaded1 says:

    Love the quote. Have fun when you decide to do Zumba. Maybe you could take a selfie. 😉

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      I had to quote Abby, LJ. I wonder how she’d do in the Zumba. Maybe I’ll take a selfie with the medic when they come for me at the Zumba.

  7. Lisa says:

    Have a wonderful Memorial Day weekend my friend! Hugz Lisa and Bear

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      Same to you, Lisa.

  8. Rorybore says:

    I miss Zumba. All my fitness challenges lately have been exactly that: challenging. Not fun. I think I will have to do my old Zumba video this week to just add some good ole spice back into the routine.
    And yeah, you know I am totally buying con queso dip too. I’ll get the whole grain tortilla chips though. Because I’m disciplined like that. 😉

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      I miss yoga and Zumba. I’ve been so sick the past month. I hope to get back to it by Friday, all of it.

      You need a lot of queso to counteract the affects of whole-grain tortilla chips, but I’m motivated like that.

  9. Kisma says:

    I haven’t tried Zumba for the sheer fact that walking is a challenge for me some days given my two left feet.

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      That fact, Tiff, makes me want to see you do Zumba.

      1. Kisma says:

        Never gonna happen 😉

      2. Eli Pacheco says:

        Do it for Colorado. Do it for the Rockies.

        Do it for your corgis.

      3. Kisma says:

        You’re a riot, and the answers still no. A girl must keep some of her dignity.

      4. Eli Pacheco says:

        Comedy > dignity.

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