Go Ask Daddy About Shocking Tech, Spazzy Muscles,and Statistical Prowess

GAD led 6 17
photo credit: Busted via photopin (license)

I’ve had the worst luck with law enforcement lately.

GAD GRAPHICI’m a police advocate. If I behave, I’ll have nothing to worry about. Police are there to serve and protect. It’s a tough job. These men and women put their lives on the line for people they don’t even know – and for people who don’t respect them, in some cases.

I drive the speed limit, and limit my road rage manifestation to squirting windshield wiper fluid on people who tailgate me.

On the way to the park a few weeks ago, a state trooper pulled me over for failing to change lanes when he was on the side of the road. I passed a slower car on the right on a two-lane road, and this officer’s car (and another) was parked well off the road. I wasn’t even sure anyone was in them.

He was livid. Somehow, he let me off with a warning.

On Memorial Day night, Grace and I headed to Steak N Shake after watching fireworks at Mint Hill Madness. We drove in the right lane of a two-lane highway, and a cop car with lights blaring came toward us on a two-lane road headed the opposite way.

I pulled over anyway, even though there was a median. The cop pulled a surprise u-turn right where I was pulled over. I couldn’t see a signal or anything really from the 37 lights flashing and shining. He slammed on the brakes and rolled down his window.

“Watch what the hell you’re doing!!” he bellowed. Thing is, I was!

I get it, though. There are a lot of idiots out here, doing stuff they shouldn’t and with a disrespectful attitude. When you’re an officer dealing with that crowd, it’s easy for someone like me to blend in.

1. Do police have new electronic handcuffs?

Luckily, I’ve never been cuffed, even the old-fashioned way.

The Daily Mail reported on development of handcuff tech that would allow an officer to administer an electric shock through the Augmented Detainee Restraint. The paper reported the patent could include shock tech for ankle cuffs, neck collars and facial restraints. But heck, in a pinch, when there’s a load of Democrats protesting at City Hall, cops round them up in those twist-ties they use to organize computer cords.

I’m not saying they should shock Democrats with electric handcuffs. But if they could put that tech in dodgers caps, i think they should.

2. Are Koi from Japan?

Yes, and they’re relatives of the common carp. Selective breeding for generations produced those cool colors and patterns. Chinese rice farmers were the ones who first stocked carp in rice paddies. The Japanese decided to add a little color to the practice.

My dad kept Koi in a pond They were cool. They were also tasty, apparently, to a hawk, anyway. This guy made off with most of them, I’d estimate. Plus, one gray bunny my dad kept in an outdoor cage. The hawk got him while the bunny was out on an afternoon walk.

Cool facts about Koi:

  • Koi can grow to 3 feet in length and weigh 35 pounds
  • Koi can live 50-70 years, although some have made it to 200
  • There are names for dozen of possible color and pattern combinations of Koi. If your Koi doesn’t fall into a category? Just call it Kawairmono – which covers anything outside of those descriptors.

3. How do you get hiccups?

Your diaphragm spazzes out.

That’s the muscle that pushes your lungs up and down when you breathe. Normally, it’s a boring job. Sometimes, though, you upset your well-meaning diaphragm. Maybe you’ve eaten too much, too fast. Or, you’re nervous or excited.

Or, you’re eating enchiladas during the Super Bowl. Like anyone would do that.

I miss Village Inn Pizza. There’s one in Hickory. We went there once to spend a day, when there was only Elise and Marie. Marie had happily destroyed umpteen plates of pizza. She took her last swig of soda and hiccupped into the near empty cup.

It might as well have been through an amplifier.

Everyone turned to her, and she just smiled. That’s my kid. Well done.

4. Why does that guy have cheese on his head?

photo credit: Giant Cheese Head Hat via photopin (license)

Because he’s a Green Bay Packers fan.

It’s their thing, which is far less disturbing than Washington Redskins fans dressing like pigs in drag. Americans once used the term Cheeseheads derogatorily against the Dutch. Now, it’s reserved for Wisconsinites – specifically, those who show up at Lambeau Field.

[Check out how to get real Cheesehead gear]

[Check out how to get real anti-Cheesehead gear]

5. What’s a triple doubl

It’s a statistical performance in which a basketball player reaches double-digits in three categories, such as assists, blocked shots, points, rebounds, and steals. Forwards likely will pile up numbers in scoring, rebounds and blocks; Guards, scoring, assists, and steals.

(Burritos, enchiladas and tacos don’t count, or I’d be a SUPERSTAR.)

Cool facts about triple doubles

  • No one has more triple doubles (181!) than former Cincinnati Royals guard Oscar Robertson. In 1961-62, Big O actually averaged a triple double (30.8 points, 12.5 rebounds, 11.4 assists).
  • Sometimes, you’re just feeling it, like Steph Curry in this video. *
  • Sudanese center Manute Bol, at 7-foot-7, recorded a ridiculous triple double at the University of Bridgeport – 32 points, 29 rebounds, 31 blocks.

*-it was just against the Sacramento Kings.

triple double quote


  1. Kisma says:

    We (you) should a blog post about the times we have all been pulled over by cops…?

    Thanks for the sports lesson and smiles today my friend!

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      good idea, Tiff. It’s in the list! And sports lessons are ongoing here.

  2. The only triple double I know about is a way to multiply anything by eight. You take the number you are multiplying (for example, 3), and double it (getting 6). Double that (getting 12). And double a third time (to get 24). Double- double- double. 8×3= 24. I’m glad you didn’t get any tickets from the police.

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      Hey, I didn’t know that trick, Sue. I just know the one where you take your age, add two, subtract two, and that gives you your current age. Woah.

  3. ksbeth says:

    yeh, somehow i’m always on a thin line with the police, and i really do try to be a good citizen. as soon as i hear a siren behind me, i assume they are after me.

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      some of us just have that face, maybe, beth? i try to stop short of saying, “oh shit, the cops!”

  4. tishmoon says:

    Gerat post ! =) And in total agreement about the addition of shock device in Dodgers caps… just sayin. =)

    My lineman had a Koi pond, nurtured daily, and the fishies were deemed a delicacy by a crane. Bird was not picky though, and just like yours, seemed to eat every living creature within a 100 yard radius. The joys of home ownership… lmao! =)

    I laughed aloud about the triple double, because my first thought was “omf, In and Out has improved the double-double??!!” =) =) Yeah, I miss CA, and really need to get back out to the best coast… =)

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      Thanks Tish! We just need a few signatures and dodgers caps will never be the same.

      Predatory birds probably think humans are hospitable for leaving out fish soup in our yards. Crane’s gotta eat, so they say.

      I’ve never had an In and Out burger. How does that happen?

      1. tishmoon says:

        Dear gods, you have never had In and Out??!! I am so against fast food on principle, but for this place, all restraint goes out the window and a lettuce-wrapped burger with tomato for each hand seems like the perfect way to spend an afternoon… lol! =) Trust me, go eat one… or five. =)

      2. Eli Pacheco says:

        Only problem is the two time zones between me and the West Coast.

      3. tishmoon says:

        That’s not a problem, that’s a ROADTRIP! =) =)

      4. Eli Pacheco says:

        I’ve driven 8 hours for a Cajun catfish sandwich, so why not?

      5. tishmoon says:

        Holy yum… Cajun Catfish??!! Now you have me thinking the Bayou would be a wonderful vacation destination… like in 17 hours or so? =) =)

      6. Eli Pacheco says:

        Gumbo, red beans and rice, benets … hell, I remember every single thing I’ve ever eaten in Louisiana, for a reason, Tish.

      7. tishmoon says:

        Oh my gods… drooling now…! =) =)

        Luckily we have an absurdly fantastic creole place in Hartford with bands and burnt rib ends and the best Gumbo this side of the Mason Dixon Line! =)

      8. Eli Pacheco says:

        I’d love to have the job of determining where the best Gumbo is, either side of Mason Dixon, Tish. Sign me up.

      9. tishmoon says:

        GAH ! Thanks, you have just given me another dream job, behind Baby Panda Cuddle Mum and before Zamboni Driver for the Bruins. =) =) We can start at opposite sides of the country and work toward the middle?! =)

      10. Eli Pacheco says:

        It would take me a while, stopping to eat all along the way. Memphis barbecue, St. Louis barbecue, Cajun food …

      11. tishmoon says:

        Oh yeah… I think I just found my dream job. =)

  5. Rorybore says:

    I can’t imagine Canada having electronic handcuffs..???? I’ll have to ask the hubby about that one. All I know is that handcuffs are damn uncomfortable. What? He HAS to practice technique you know 😉

    1. Eli Pacheco says:

      I thought maybe you’d be a test model for something like that, Rore. You know, in the name of law enforcement.

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