Go Ask Daddy About Friendly Hues, Exiled QBs and the Art of Naming a Road


stormtroopers animation ship
photo credit: Tom Simpson Animation cel from The Star Wars Holiday Special (1978) via photopin (license)

Consider the impact of color.

GAD GRAPHICNo, this isn’t an NPR report on the effect of on race relations. (I think they did one on the Viewfield crater and its impact on we Hispanic people once). But the power of color is so powerful. It’s most noticeable to me in the sporting world.

When Camdyn and I watched the Denver Broncos play the Jaguars in Jacksonville last fall, we felt at home in a sea of orange.

The color silver, for example – stellar on the Detroit Lions’ helmets. Paired with black in oakland/Las Vegas for the raiders? Gross. Blue and white is golden with the Kansas City Royals – it’s deplorable with that ugly scripted LA logo with the dodgers.

I’d mentioned to a particular championship team I coached that the element that bonded them all – from different schools, both genders, all types – was the blue jersey they wore.

At halftime of our championship game, a girl named Destiny (fitting for a team that was a half away from winning it all) said, it’s all about the kids in the blue shirts, y’all! (We went on to win in a shootout that night.)

1. What’s the opposite color of red?

It’s green. The question sounds a little like one that goes, If Moldova and San Marino played a soccer match in Ankara, how would it affect Pokemon card prices in Italy? Like, best asked after a couple glasses of whiskey.

Opposite colors are a thing, though. Take the color wheel (but give it back when you’re done.) It looks like a rolling rainbow, with pizza-pie shapes on a spoke in the middle. You match up the color you’re looking for with the one opposite it for … it’s opposite color.

Green is the complementary color to red. Like, they’ll go together. I wonder if sports teams are all in on this theory. Because the only green-and-red team I can think of is the New Jersey Devils.

Other complementary pairings, and the teams in them:

Orange and light blue

The Charlotte Bobcats were these colors! And they’re dead now. But I dig their gear.

Light orange and royal blue

Here’s the Florida Gators. Not bad. Also, Boise State. Kind of the New York Mets, too.

Pale orange and navy blue

Almost the Denver Broncos. Like a selectively sun-bleached Broncos hat, maybe.

Yellow and purple

Here goes the Minnesota Vikings, and East Carolina. And the stupid l.a. lakers. I don’t automatically hate all Los Angeles teams. Only the hateable ones.

Lime green and magenta

I think this would be perfect for the las vegas raiders. And the dodgers, detroit red wings and those lakers.

2. Why is figure skating timed?

So that we can start the hockey game on time.

Figure skating scoring is more complex than tax exemptions and the NFL playoff picture in Week 16 – combined. Basically, points are given for executing certain skills – Lutzes and Salchows and the like – but also for trying these, even if you fail.

All told, there’s a 6.0 scale for perfection, with 0.0 being l.a. dodgers-caliber garbage.

They time routines so you won’t milk the clock. I’d go out and attempt a triple Salchow, land on my ass, then call it quits, hoping that attempt would put me on the podium. (I would be awful for American sports and never get my face on a Wheaties box.)

I love figure skaters, from Rudy Galindo to Ashley Wagner, who had this reaction to a score at the last Winter Olympics:

3. Do Robert Griffin III’s teammates call him RG3?

rg3
photo credit: Keith Allison via photopin cc

Our guy has no teammates at the moment – because he’s not on a team.

Former teammate Chris Cooley called him Robert in an interview with CBS Sports last year. (He referred to him as Robert Griffin, which sounds so school-principal-ly.) Redskins president Bruce Allen also called him Robert. (I couldn’t find a mention of Bob or Bobby.)

The whole RG3 (I saw him called RGMe by a blog commenter!) thing seems to be a function of broadcasters taking the easy way out, or maybe trying to act cool. They call Houston Rockets guard Chris Paul CP3 – his initials, and his jersey number.

That would make Madison MP-goalkeepers don’t wear numbers generally, and Hayden HP9, and Camdyn CP9 (sore subject – she has to wear her sister’s old jersey this season). Or we could go M-Pac, H-Pac and C-Pac, but those sound like flu medicines.

Not as preposterous as something like, say, Johnny Football!

We know how that turned out.

eat cookies
photo credit: Chocolate-Chip Cookie-Dough Sandwiches via photopin (license)

4. What’s the name of the cookie place in the mall?

That’s Great American Cookies, although we never went there as kids.

Hell, I don’t think we’ve taken you guys, as kids. That’s kind of white, I’m sure Camdyn or Hayden would say, all barrio-like. Great American Cookies are everywhere, from Texas to Florida to Vermont, and even Las Vegas, where those stupid raiders will play.

They have a few non-Hayden-safe cookies, but the snickerdoodle is good to go.

My favorite mall joint will always be Orange Julius, even though it’s $17 for a small. There was a corn-dog place in the Greeley Mall back home. My favorite, no surprise, was one that replaced all the hot dog with cheese. Pretty sure these are illegal now.

When our neighbors divorced, the mom started dating the manager at that corn dog place, and I imagined those kids getting all the free corn dogs they could stomach.

5. If you die, do they dedicate a street to you?

It’s not all that simple – although if they named them after NFL careers that die, we could have Johnny Football Boulevard in downtown Cleveland.

You don’t actually have to die to get a street named after you. In related news, dying doesn’t automatically give you your own street. Some stretches of the interstate are often named after law enforcement personnel who have died.

Typically, the developer of the new area has to submit street name ideas to the city. They might honor a native son or daughter, or someone in history, from Washington to King Jr. The post office gets a say so, as do police and fire departments, so they’re easy to find.

Who wants to live on Wakakoosimomosetta Way when there’s a fire in the kitchen?

We have Lost Boy Way near the house. There’s a web story about a road formerly called Butt Hole Lane, but I was too scared to click that link. Camdyn asked if there was such a thing as Froot Loop (brilliant!), but I couldn’t find a single one.

How about Velvet Prairie Court, Acrid Clod Corner or Dancing Sheet Estates? I made those on this generator site. I love generators.

I don’t need it to come up with the perfect name for the las vegas raiders’ headquarters street, though. Second to the Broncos Forever Boulevard has a nice ring to it.

bennett quote streets

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17 Replies to “Go Ask Daddy About Friendly Hues, Exiled QBs and the Art of Naming a Road”

  1. When I was contemplating law school, I liked to drive by Barrister’s Court. It just seemed so ironic. Little Guy would like to like on Redstone Blvd. – since we’re a family of Minecraft fans. Alternatively, he’d be happy with Gotham Street, but that would require a move to the U.S. I’m not ready to commit to that kind of move just for a street name. 🙂

    1. I loved your post on street names, Jenn. I remember now seeing one called Woebegone Lane. I think there are Cleveland Indians fans living there.

      I wonder if there’s an entire development devoted to Minecraft names. Wouldn’t that be cool?

      Maybe if Gotham Street had a few more cool reassurances, such as a Batmobile parked at the curb …

  2. We had a family member that used to live, way out in the country, on Hog Pen Road. Really.

    In NOLA, the Mardi Gras colors that go together are purple, gold, and green.

    1. That is cool – and I’ve loved to hear some street-name stories. There’s got to be a good story behind some of these.

      Purple, gold and green used to signify a pancake dinner for me, for Fat Tuesday!

  3. Heck, around here they will get out and hack a new road around with a machete!
    Our road had no official name until 911 came along. They crew tasked with naming all the unnamed roads got swarmed by dragonflies when they stepped out, so we live on Dragonfly Lane.

    1. Some neighborhoods use machetes for different reasons – you know, like cutting the cheese.

      As long as you now the number to 911, you’re golden, Barbara. Love that your street has a story – and that stinkbugs didn’t swarm the crew that day!

  4. There’s a street back home named Porn Rd. The sign has been stolen so many times the pole is now like 15 feet tall, grease covered at the bottom and rumor has it goes 10 feet into the ground.

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