Go ask daddy about sports stuff, pie construction and song evolution


stormtrooper car back seat decal
photo credit: kennethkonica IMG_8255 via photopin (license)

I’ve spent a lifetime of halves on a sideline.

GAD GRAPHICMore than that, if you count the days as an athlete. Back then I warmed the bench. I had a uniform, though. I loved sport. I sucked at it. But I loved it. I romanticized it and I relished it. And I could do it just well enough to make the team. Not an atom more.

I tend to stand on the field a bit, which is illegal.

I’m short. I have to do it. I get out of the way when the ball comes my way. Unless I don’t. One day I was slow to retreat. The ref gave me a look. The opposing coach hopped and pointed fingers like I’d just stolen his fortune cookie.

The ref warned me to stay off the field.

Every time the ref turned around, I took one deliberate step back onto the field. My coaching nemesis hopped up from his sideline chair and pointed more. When the ref turned toward his noisy voice, I’d already stepped back to safety.

This went on for most of the first half. I love it when an opposing coach brings such a fragile psyche. I can’t remember if we lost or won. I do remember that I enjoyed yanking his chain.

1. What’s on the sideline where the coaches stand?

So much on an NFL sideline.

There’s benches, for sure. Some are heated. Some, equipped with misting machines. In Denver, they come with oxygen tanks. A lot have knobby protrusions for players to hang their helmets. (Thurman Thomas wishes he had this in the Super Bowl.)

There are also equipment carts this Chargers punter mistook for a urinal.

There ought to be snacks, I’ll tell you that.

They call the area where a coach can roam a sideline the technical area. A ref in Murphy yelled at me for being out of the technical area. I pointed out that the paint didn’t stop until over there. Technically. (He didn’t take kindly.)

There’s usually barking where there should be instruction to players on the bench. There’s vitriol between grown men leading opposing teams where there should be accord and reverence.

There’s doubt and self-blame where there should be replenishment and study.

the rockies
photo credit: Coors Pano via photopin (license)

2. The Rockies have a game every day?

In a perfect world, they would.

They’ll all be played in spring-training nonchalance, at spring-training ticket prices. Afternoon tilts. With taco stands and colored jerseys. There’d be interaction between players and fans before batting practice and autographs for kids after.

It takes six months to play 162 games. Usually, teams get about four days off a month or so. They’ll play a Monday-Wednesday series, maybe take Thursday off, then play Friday to Sunday. Give or take. Sometimes, that Thursday is part of a four-game series.

You’ll be 13 by the time the Rockies have another off day, Camdyn. They’re stomping the dodgers 9-1 at the moment, and will play three more in Los Angeles through Sunday. Monday through Thursday, it’s on to Arizona.

Then it’s back home for three games against the Padres.

The Rox will take Monday, Sept. 18 off before heading off to San Francisco. Hopefully by then they’ll have caught those dastardly diamondbacks in the wild-card hunt (and you’ll have not broken or lost many birthday presents.)

GAD pizza yellow stuff dominos

3. What’s that yellow stuff where they make pizza at Domino’s?

First?

If you Google what’s that yellow stuff? you get intuitive searches that end with:

  • In my throat
  • In my underwear
  • You cough up
  • On my tongue
  • In my ear

If that doesn’t make you lose your appetite for pizza, who knows what will?

It’s probably a mixture of cornmeal and flour. It helps keep the dough from sticking to everything. The cornmeal makes a crust a bit crispier. It can become a problem if cooks are allergic to cornmeal. Also, using straight flower can wreak havoc on air conditioners.

Pizza rendering is a dangerous mission sometimes.

4. Do you know how to make margaritas?

Boy, do I.

Well, I used to. I scarcely know how to mix a rum and Coke these days. Back in my college days, I was a server at Acapulco Mexican Restaurant, back when Harris Boulevard was Delta Road. (Hear me, Charlotte peeps?)

We had to mix our own drinks.

Once, a friendly and pretty woman sat in my section with her surly boyfriend. I knew right away he didn’t deserve her. That’s how it goes though, right? So they both place orders for margaritas. He’s acting like it’s a prison sentence.

Even with chips and salsa in front of his mug and his pretty girlfriend across the aisle.

So I made two margaritas – one top shelf, which means it has the best tequila in the house. The other is regular, the ‘rita equivalent to the poor people’s menu at Burger King, with microscopic burger patties you could shine candle light through.

She raved about the delicious margarita I made (which might have had a bit extra Patron in it.)

Oscar the Grouch, on the other hand, has a watered down version, and can’t understand why gorgeous over there loves hers so much. He’s a mouth-breather, and never thought to try a sip of hers, or I’d have been made.

Wonder if those two made it in the long run.

5. Is this live?

Note: The song was Collide, by Howie Day.

I don’t remember, but I love this song.

Here’s a live version of it:

Man, the memories. What I love about live music is that it’s usually the current snapshot of a progression that every piece of music, performed over and over, has an inherent timeline. Each time OneRepublic performs Something I Need, it evolves, for instance.

Same for All-American Rejects with Gives You Hell and Brittney Spears with I Wanna Go. Presumably. (Wonder if the Goo Goo Dolls and John Mayer do this.)

It’s like this with many songs. For some, it’s better than others. I heard Eddie Money’s Two Tickets to Paradise this week, live, and it had gained some complexity and details that weren’t in the original recording.

For all it’s magic, Aerosmith’s Dream On seems to fall flat on the live stage. Maybe because the pinnacle of its magic was found in the recording studio. Just theories.

All art evolves. My sideline antics, for instance. I’m sure that given the seasoning I’ve absorbed since my sideline tease many moons ago, I could add some complexities to such a taunt.

I can’t tell you what, though. You’ll have to come buy a ticket.

mann quote live music

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32 thoughts on “Go ask daddy about sports stuff, pie construction and song evolution

  1. I have a video of my son singing Two pickets to taradise … yes in that exact wording…when he was only 3. It is the most accurate portrayal of Eddie Money singing inebriated. Ever. It was on my husband’s iPod in the car and my son LOVED it. So of course it was played over and over. My son has no recollection of this whatsoever.
    We have proof though…for graduations, weddings….

    1. Dack your pags, we’ll teave lonight? Love it! What if our parents had proof of stuff like this from our formative years? Sure, more therapy, but it’d be gold on our blogs, Kimberly.

  2. I’m not a big sports fan so I had no idea that there is an area called “technical area”. I always thought it was just the sideline. Sometimes I cringe when I have to google something and the search ends with something weird at the end of the sentence. Thanks for sharing. I hope you have a great weekend.

  3. What a great post. Where do I start? Now I want to watch sports and eat pizza. No, I don’t drink. Is there a Margarita with no alcohol? And, yes, I agree…I want the song to sound like what I love. Live doesn’t! Hugs.

  4. I love those mind games coaches can play with each other. Mind you, their mind tricks don’t work on me. But you can bet when I compete against one who is overly competitive over kids’ sport it is a great pleasure to yank their chain. Margaritas are a fave around here. Patron is the best of the best. And they help make O’s loses not feel so bad… We’re vying for the wild card spot.

    1. i’m happy to be a coach that won’t fall for mind games, Eric! Today’s opposing coach tried to get a penalty kick out of a handball that my team committed. ‘

      We kept our cool and tied them on their field. I’m sure to them it felt like a loss!

      Good luck in the wild card. Just catch the Yankees will you?

      1. Someone’s gonna hand it to the yanks – the Twins are red-hot right now, Eric. I’ve played mind games with Steelers fans, and it’s super easy and not as fun as it could be.

  5. That margarita story … solid gold!! Well played.
    I 100% agree with Leslie Mann about live recordings – they are mostly terrible!!! My husband has a great Pandora station that is occasionally ruined by Paul McCartney’s live versions of the Beatles songs. Now, I am a HUGE Beatles fan, and very much Paul’s songs, but his live versions make me want to bash my ears in. SING IT THE ORIGINAL TUNE!! THE ONE WE FELL IN LOVE WITH!!!

    1. Glad you liked that margarita story, Katherine! I do what I can. I agree with Leslie Mann because she’s kinda adorable.

      Paul McCartney does a live version of a song where he does this faux French accent thing and he’s just totally half-assing it. I wish I could remember the title.

  6. First of all, I would have LOVED ❤ to see 👀 you messing with the other coach! Ha ha! 😅 I bet that was a lot of fun and straight up the alley of something I might do!! 😉 Coaches have to be very careful when they are on the sidelines of professional sports 🏈 because they can get into serious trouble though.
    I don't think baseball ⚾ players would be able to sustain playing ball everyday! Too hard on the body, mind and spirit. I really miss watching my guys play. 😭
    As for that yellow stuff.. it really does make a good crust 🍕. Just don't tell me about it! I too can make a mean Margarita🍹, but my first love is still wine 🍷and then Vodka 🍸is a close second. But not lately, I have sustained from drinking any alcohol for a while because I am trying to drop a few pounds and it interferes with the body and metabolism etc.
    I enjoy good music 🎧 and my first love is and always will be classic rock 🎶. I love going to live concerts 🎦 but I agree with Leslie, I don't want CDs 💿of it. Give me the original tracks 🎼MOST of the time. Sometimes the live version is a little bit better depending on the artist.. 🎤
    Hope you are having a good week!! 😉

    1. It wasn’t my proudest moment, Courtney, but I’m sure it wasn’t his, either! He definitely needed guidance. Pro coaches have cameras on them, which would be a problem for me.

      Baseball’s season is about endurance and character. It’s not easy to play so many games as if each one is the most important.

      Rum on weeknights makes me grumpy sometimes. I remembered that as I just considered a rum and diet Pepsi just now.

  7. Leslie Mann is wrong. Just wrong.
    It’s like saying the person I fell in love with can’t evolve or change or I won’t love them. Mostly I love them more.

    1. She’s wrong, yes, but adorable, if you ask me. We’re all changing all the time, whether we’re punters or songs or partners. We can love as they evolve because we appreciate where they’ve come from and where they’re headed.

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