Go ask daddy about human formulation, matrimonial dissention and the state of American soccer


stormtroopers plants (2)There’s a rock rolling around in my dashboard.

GAD GRAPHICI plan to do nothing about it. I log tons of miles in my new (yet unnamed) Hyundai Elantra. Some days, more than five hours worth. Phone chargers, makeup, snack wrappers and slides get left in my car every day.

One child picked up a rock recently.

I won’t say which one. It took me back to days when I had young children (and better hair.) Rocks and toilet-paper rolls with stickers and construction paper adorning it made for the best gifts a dad could get.

I don’t know why she picked it up, or what she’ll do with it.

For now, it’s wedged in a small cubby hole next to the vent. It shakes and rattles dozens of times during my commute, a new instrument to accompany Beethoven or Chopin or Strauss. And for a moment my hair isn’t so bad after all.

humans lede
photo credit: IMG_0030 via photopin (license)

1. How did humans formulate?

I love it when my kids use words like formulate.

By formulate, I’m going with how did we all come from a common source, presumably (insert Adam-and-Eve, Earth Divers and World Egg theories here), and look so different? We have seen plenty of distinction and division, even, based on race, but …

Did you know there is minimal difference in our genetic and molecular makeup?

(That’s hard to believe after driving through Northern Virginia or encountering dodgers fans.) I’d have to formulate a separate blog to deal with all aspects of human evolution and its counterpoints (and the heated comments sure to come with them.)

There are three factors that go into how humans have formulated.

Natural selection

Not many fair-skinned folks live near the equator. They’d be susceptible to skin cancer and other ills. Traits conducive to survival (cold and bratwurst tolerance in Green Bay, heat and spicy food tolerance in Miami) survive from generation to generation.

Cultural preference

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and this influences our decisions for choosing a mate. For instance, probably not many cheese lovers mate with the lactose intolerant. So too with, say, Diamondbacks fans and Rockies fans.

Small isolated populations

If a group of people stays to itself in an isolated area, they have a smaller set of genetic variations to choose from. Think Los Angeles Chargers and Minnesota Timberwolves fans. And anyone who drinks caffeine-free Coke Zero.

It’s people doing different things than other people. It’s how traditions develop, cultures take form. How else to explain the seven mole sauces of the seven regions of Mexico? Or, Eastern vs. Western N.C. barbecue?

2. What does USO mean?

It stands for United Service Organizations.

It has entertained our armed forces since World War II, and during the Korean War, USO centers were even in combat zones. Back then, most celebrities were eager to show their patriotism by putting on a good show for servicemen and women everywhere.

Big names have graced the show stage for the USO over the years, including:

  • Lucille Ball
  • Humphrey Bogart
  • James Cagney
  • Gary Cooper
  • Morton Downey
  • W.C. Fields
  • Judy Garland
  • Benny Goodman
  • Bob Hope
  • Gene Kelly
  • Laurel and Hardy
  • The Marx Brothers
  • Glenn Miller
  • The Rockettes
  • Frank Sinatra
  • James Stewart
  • Lana Turner

(^Quite a lineup!)

More recently, Jay Leno and The Pointer Sisters visited units in theater in the Gulf War. Actor Charlie Sheen donated $1 million to the USO in 2012. Others to entertain in the Middle East:

  • Trace Adkins
  • Craig Ferguson
  • Montgomery Gentry
  • Jessica Simpson
  • Robin Williams

Here’s Kelli Pickler doing her thing with the USO.

One last note: Bob Hope entertained troops for 50 years, from 1941 to 1991. He spent 48 Christmases overseas. He signed over royalties from his book, The Last Christmas Show, to the USO in 1973.

3. What if someone objects during a wedding?

File this under “stuff in the movies that gets left out of real life – usually.”

Back in the day, you could bellow BUT I’M IN LOVE WITH THE BRIDE! from the congregation and bring the ceremony to a halt. Now, it has to be all legal and crap. This sort of snag gets sorted out before they even get to the altar.

They’ve taken the fun out of it.

It once was a call to air any mad capers that any con artist might have tucked away before the big day. Common objections could be if the bride or groom was:

  • Underage
  • Married already
  • Not baptized

Those were the boring ones. You could also pipe up if the bride or groom:

  • Has made vow of celibacy
  • Were kidnapped and forced to wed
  • Had killed the other’s former spouse

And this is how soap operas were formulated.

4. Is that the weather lady you like?

Yeah. That’s her. Katilin Cody is he rname.

Only, I just discovered she’s no longer in Charlotte. Kaitlin moved to a station in Chicago. (moment of silence.) Hey, that market has to tolerate Bears football. The least we could do is give them a bit of Carolina sunshine with Kaitlin.

She was – is – pretty awesome.

I took a picture of the sunset at Harrisburg Soccer Complex (nothing distracts me during training like a great sunset or a nearby cookout) and sent it to Kaitlin’s Twitter account. She used it during her forecast that night. Very cool.

So, now she’s gone. Not forgotten.

However, I need a new No. 1 meteorologist, don’t I? Here are three candidates. I’ll let you vote the next official Coach Daddy meteorologist into office. (Links to each meteorologist’s Facebook page are in her name.)

Nicole Madden

Girlfriend used to fall asleep watching the Weather Channel. I can relate. I’ve always had this fascination for meteorology. I think that’s where the dreaminess of meteorologists began for me. I love her delivery already.

Vicki Graf

I met her and didn’t go all fanboy. I was with Camdyn getting stuff for my Mexico trip for work, and bad weather was in the forecast. Vicki walked right by at the register and I said, “Hey, Vicki. I’m headed to Cancun in the morning – am I going to get snowed in?”

She smiled and said I should be safe. I wonder if she remembers me.

K.C. Sherman

She’s addicted to caffeine. She’s also a serial cereal eater, so I can relate. She came to Charlotte from Montana, and seems to love the Carolinas already. Wonder if she’s had the barbecue yet.

5. When does the U.S. play again?

How about, never?

That’s an exaggeration. Know those if/then scenarios they roll out at the NFL season to capsulize teams’ playoff chances? How it’s convoluted and near impossible to have it all fall into place? Well, it all fell out of place for the USMNT recently.

A loss to Trinidad & Tobago, with Honduras’ win against Mexico and because Panama beat Costa Rica, the U.S. fell to fifth in the Hexogonal. (That’s just the table they’re in, not a new shape designed to depict the complexity of this circumstance.)

The end result: America’s disqualification from the World Cup in 2018.

So now attention turns to 2022, the next World Cup. U.S. men’s soccer needed just a tie to advance, and couldn’t get it. Sometimes, you don’t get the result you’re after, or need. But it’s no reason to abandon the cause.

For the women, it’s a much brighter future.

They’ve got a couple of friendlies scheduled with South Korea, the first next Thursday in New Orleans. Also, they’ll go two matches with Canada. Oct. 22, they’ll be here in North Carolina. I kind of hoped to see Julie Ertz at Bank of America Stadium last night.

She’s a star defender on the USWNT. Her husband, Zach, a tight end for the Philadelphia Eagles, scored a couple of touchdowns against the Carolina Panthers. They kind of kick ass as a couple. Check it.

# # #

morgan quote soccer

 

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16 thoughts on “Go ask daddy about human formulation, matrimonial dissention and the state of American soccer

  1. You got a couple softballs in this batch:). They’re taking it easy on you before they hit hard with Constitutional Amendment questions, I think. I recently got one about the epiglottis. Oy.

  2. I am so embarrassed for Men’s soccer in the US! I’m tempted to say I’ll never follow it again. (But that’s pretty much a lie. I’m quite the fair weather fan.)

  3. The rock in the car reminds me of tommy boy (do you remember that movie??) when Chris Farley says “ your brain’s got a shell in it.”

    Okay I hope you know what I’m talking about or you’ll think I’m nuts 🙂

    I hope you have a great weekend, Eli!! Xo

    I’ve always wanted to object to a wedding. Is that wrong?? Lol

  4. I heard about the U.S. men’s soccer team earlier this week. Bummer. 😦

    But you know what? Iceland’s men’s team qualified for the World Cup for the first time in the country’s history. And you know me and Iceland. 🙂

    So the rock that’s stuck in your dashboard isn’t annoying you? How?? Maybe it’s been there long enough that you’ve tuned out the rattling?

  5. I loved the stuff my kids made when they were at school. The clay pot that won’t hold anything…not even pens. The letter holder made from icy pole sticks that fell apart after a week. The painted rock though is definitely the best. It rattles around forever 🙂

    Well, I suppose the women’s soccer team playing some friendlies with North Korea … hmm, maybe not. Not after what happened to the North Korean team when they returned home in 2010 YIKES! And they say sports isn’t political 😮

  6. You know, I don’t really watch the news here this much, but I am kind of missing my meteorologist from back home. It obviously doesn’t get very cold in south Florida, and on coldish days he would make a big deal of it and call for a ‘snuggle alert’ and that annoyed me to no end. Though, I have found myself missing his snuggle alerts recently. What is it about meteorologists?

  7. I’m still in the phase where I have tons of stuff left in my car on a daily basis, so I would be very happy with a rock instead of some of the other yucky stuff. I’m going to have to check out those meteorologists now. I can’t even remember the last time I watched our local news, however, the sports anchor does live down the street, and she’s pretty cool.

  8. I think it would be awkward if someone objected during a wedding but I would love to see it just to see what someone would do… sometimes I wish movies did imitate real life *sigh*
    The USO Rocks and has done so many wonderful things over the years.
    I wish the Rockies and Cardinals could have formulated better playing this year to at least make it to the playoffs, but I am SO HAPPY the Astros won!!! They have never won a World Series game and Houston so needed something positive after the year they have endured. I think they wanted more than the Dodgers did.
    I don’t really do football to begin with but I am so fed up with the NFL that it all makes me want to barf. My hubby isn’t watching either and it’s more than the “take a knee” thing. It is the hypocritical way they treat their fans and players and is ALL about the almighty $$$ 😠
    I will be rooting for the US team to go to the World Cup! ❤

    1. I hate in the movies when someone hangs up on someone, even on a mobile phone, and it goes to dial tone.

      A great thing for the city of Houston, right? The Astros are something else. There are young teams like Colorado and Arizona, the Cubs and Astros, who seem built to stick around a while. Cleveland too.

      I should write a post about what I’d do as NFL commissioner. One thing: I’d have them play exhibition games in non-NFL cities for low, low prices. Maybe I should write this.

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