Go Ask Daddy about thrills, bling and perils to the family jewels

You know how some things go really well together?

Like, my mouth and enchiladas, for instance. (Why must it always be about food?) Every Friday, I write the Go Ask Daddy post. It’s five questions, picked at random, from a list of nearly 300 that my girls ask through the course of a day.

Lots of my blog friends write their gratitude posts on Fridays.

I’m grateful, too. Just because I spend the day answering questions about Jimmy Hendrix, finances and firefighters, it doesn’t mean I’m not eternally grateful for lots of stuff. In fact, I’ve started a gratitude journal, and it’s got stuff in it.

So, I’ll start topping Go Ask Daddy with a bit of gratitude.

Starting now.

1. I’m grateful for the fact that I got up and snagged a notebook to finally commit to keeping a gratitude journal.

2. I’m grateful for the first day at a seasonal job, chock full of positive things.

photo credit: [SiK-photo] Day 29/365 – School. Work. Wings. via photopin (license)

3. I’m grateful for the membership warehouse member who told me I have such a sweet face and that I must be a sweet person. (She’s never seen me hoard buffalo wings.)

4. I’m grateful for Bojangles biscuits – and daughters willing to spring for breakfast in exchange for a ride to work.

5. I’m grateful for Hayden’s good-luck texts when I go to job interviews.

6. I’m grateful for Carolina sunrises and sunsets.

7. I’m grateful for Corey’s good vibe. (Check her blog out here).

8. I’m grateful to coach and write and the possibility to do what I love to make a living.

9. I’m grateful for the beautiful stranger and her dog, Ranger, who brightened my round of disc golf with a friendly visit. (I found my lost disc, by the way.)

10. I’m grateful for updates by text from Madison when pro athletes come to her job.

1. Do you like rollercoasters?

About as much as I like losing my golf discs.

Spinning upside down and going fast aren’t the problem. It’s the sudden drops I could do without. There are many things I’d rather do than ride a roller coaster with a huge drop. Taking a pop algebra quiz. Lose in fantasy football. Eat cauliflower.

Without cheese sauce.

I once tried to face my fears. Well, fears is probably too strong a word. I’d never pee myself over a rollercoaster. I’d never avoid a rollercoaster aisle in a grocery store if one existed. It’s more like an aversion. As I have to math.

Or starting quarterbacks who get you 3.7 fantasy points. Or cauliflower. Even with cheese sauce.

Anyway, the fears. My assignment years ago for the Greensboro News & Record: review a rollercoaster at a regional amusement park. Rather than pick an adventure – Six Flags and the like – I found the coaster with the least about of droppage.

It was also a water rollercoaster, right on the state line, at Carowinds.

It no longer exists. It featured a water tank you could drop on park patrons (I aimed for a mom and baby carriage – what??), water cannons on the ground to aim at the coaster, and a fast, free-hanging ride. The story went well.

But maybe I should have taken a bigger swing. You know?

2. Would cantaloupe be good for a smoothie?

It’s got to be better than cauliflower.

I found this recipe online. So, let’s try it. Cantaloupe makes my tongue swell, but I’m willing to give it a shot. I mean, it’s not Go Ask Daddy (unless it’s something he might have an aversion to), after all.

We’ll post a recipes post and everything.

3. You can’t wear jewelry in football, right?

Well, Denver Broncos defensive back Aqib Talib likes to wear Raiders receiver Michael Crabtree’s gold chains around his fingers.

Lots of NFLers sport the bling. Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger, once known for his “opportunistic” bachelor life, got hitched and wears his wedding ring on the field. (aw.) He covers it with tape for protection.

Former Giants quarterback David Carr wore tape where his wedding ring would be.

Saints kicker Garrett Hartley wears a ring on his middle finger (for the Falcons and Panthers, presumably.) Bills kicker Ryan Lindel wears his wedding ring because he had a good game in it once, and his wife “gets a kick out of it.”

(Yes, a kicker said that.)

Neil Rackers, yes, another kicker, for the Texans (what if Rackers played for the Packers?), told ESPN he wears his because “I’m a strapping young lad, so I have to ward off the chicks any way I can.” #kickerproblems

Steve Weatherford held the ball on a potential game-winning kick for former teammate Martin Gramatica with New Orleans – and his ring became the center of controversy.

Gramatica – who used to wear his wedding ring on the field – missed from 40 yards and the Saints lost. It wasn’t because of Weatherford’s hold. MG just missed. Yet, a close-up revealed the holder’s bling, and the fan world erupted in blame.

Panthers kicker John Kasay, used to wear a watch.

I can’t even type while wearing a watch, let alone kick a 47-yard field goal. Bracelets, rings, brass knuckles … they’d all cramp my style. A grill, though. I could handle a grill.

photo credit: Thomas Hawk via photopin cc

4. When do you get paid?

So appropriate right now!

I get paid after I work. I know that sounds simple. I have a job at Target – but have only one shift under my belt. I tried to help a nice lady find a sticky mosaic, but we didn’t have any. Our unemployment benefits have been stop-and-go.

That’s why we’ve been cracking open piggy banks to buy shampoo and toothpaste.

I’ll get paid soon. I’ll have a check from the Associated Press. It’s hard to believe I’ve been a correspondent for them for more than 10 years! Girls, I have more than a handful of possibilities, of future employers who’ve called back and put me in round 2 or 3.

One even wants me to come in to meet the crew after a good phone interview last week.

5. Does anyone owe you a shot to the nuts?

If only there were a dashboard to check on these things. This question came from the movie that changed the girls’ (or at least Camdyn’s, possibly Hayden’s) life: Hot Rod. See the actual scene with this question here.

To earn a shot to the nuts, in my estimation, you must commit an infraction that crosses multiple lines, or, at least, bring great dishonor to a family name or tribe.

Or, just piss someone off. All this Zenified live-and-let-live living I’ve been embroiled in, as a wonderful side effect, brings a life with low chances of nut shots. Maybe by the coach at Fletcher School, after trying them on their home field, would qualify.

That was nothing with ill intent – they beat us twice after that, which cancels out any thoughts of a shot.

In college, I experienced the wrath of an accidental shot to the nuts. I worked in a membership warehouse. We all wore blue vests and radios, with a receiver on a clip, attached by a coiled wire, from the radio to our collar.

One day, my good buddy Bobby and I were horsing around a bit on a shift.

I pulled his receiver off his collar and stretched it as far as the coil would let me, then let go. It rocketed back to Bobby and crushed him where it counts. It wasn’t intentional, but as he went to one knee in agony, I made a quick escape.

Surely he’d forgive and forget, right?

No. Later that day, I was helping a pretty mom and her pretty daughter pick out some pretty pillows for the girl’s dorm room. I wasn’t running game, per se, but I was working the angles. Suddenly, I felt myself being lifted off the ground.

Mom and her co-ed daughter watched with wide eyes as Bobby tossed me headfirst into the bin of pillows.

I had to struggle to breathe, first of all, and then find the edge of the bin of pillows and right myself. When I poked my head above the pillows, only the mom remained. She had a pillow under each arm, and asked, what’d you do to deserve that? … laughing.

If she only knew …

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