One week in.
I made it this far. Not gracefully. It’s 1:14 and I promised myself 1 hour, 14 minutes ago to get to bed at midnight like a normal person. Wait. Don’t normal people get to sleep at even decenter hours than that?
Blogging again has been better than any of the high school reunions I never went to.
I’m seeing friends again and spending less time in aimless pursuits. I’m also falling asleep at inopportune times and really need to work on that. I have a fantastic guest post live just before this one that deserves a load of promotion as big as the donuts I dream of.
So many moving parts.
Some bring unequaled joy and others sadness I try not to dwell on. That connectedness I value with my girls changes by the day, like those level levers on an old-time stereo. They slide and change what you hear and you adjust but they’ll never always be equal.
I’m just grateful to be in it. What else?
1-The process. If I could just maintain it. Or understand it enough to give me the best shot at it. I try to imagine a day in which I nail all my “if thens” and it feels incredible.
2-Taking chances, regardless of results. The losses pile up. But you can’t quantify yourself by the rejections. Because often there are acceptances out there you don’t know about yet.
3-Meditation, and support from loved ones. I value the chance to start my day in my mind. I’m grateful for a sandwich or nice shirt or warm jacket was given to me with love.
4-Messages that deliver smiles. You shouldn’t expect them. We can’t broadcast what we want others to do. We just have to be ready when they do something that stops you in your tracks.
5-Conversations. Sometimes, it takes patience. Not looking for it. Just take up your space in a meaningful way and you’ll be surprised at what comes. This is harder than it seems.
6-Abu the goofy-ass cat. He stole my dinner and chewed on my bag. But his brand of aloof endears me to him, too. He’s playful and a jerk sometimes and always loveable.
7-My journal. It’s childlike and cookie-stained and almost full. It’s helped me keep the wheels on. Even if I do fall asleep mid-word writing in it.
8-Deep sleep. It happens sitting nearly upright in a recliner. After a beer. (Honestly, is anything more dadlike?) But it takes over when I need it most, wherever I am.
9-A new perspective. I feel closer. Not at all outside the grasp of burdensome grief. But much more in the proximity to a higher life, I aspire for myself.
10-Hayden’s decisions. She weeded out some schools who showed interest and let one place in she didn’t want to consider. She invited my mom and sister to her official signing when I would have given up hope. She packed a room of teammates, family, and friends who have invested in her journey, prayed through her injury, and send her off to Piedmont International University with the hope and love she’s shared with them along the way.
What about you? What has you giving gratitude today?