My kids are savage when it comes to my age.
They’ve been rounding up for years. When my hair thinned just a hair, they declared me bald. They joke that my social security number is 47. Thing is, I’m probably the youngest 40-something dad among any of their friends.
The best old-guy insult came by one of Hayden’s friends.
\We’ll call her Anabel. I sat with Anabel and Hayden in an amphitheater at Carowinds theme park. We were visitors with the choir and band, I think. We were waiting for the show about dinosaurs to begin – and they were running late.
I don’t see any dinosaurs! I declared, looking at my watch.
I do, Anabel deadpanned, looking right at me. Well played, kid. Now, my kids are asking stuff, including who the oldest person in the world is. It’s not Keith Richards or David Hasselhoff and most importantly – it isn’t me.
1. How old is the oldest person alive?
One-hundred 16 years. That’s the same interval between championships for the Oakland A’s. Kane Tanaka, as of April 18, was 116 years, 106 days old. Any supercentenarians (that exclusive club of 110-year-olds and better) have at least 25 extra days, too.
That wouldn’t account for leap years. That’s like, an extra month!
A French woman named Jeanne Calment lived to be 122! The oldest living man, Kane Tanaka, and woman, Maria Giuseppa Robucci, were both born in 1903. They should meet. And no, kids, they’re not in my high school yearbook!
2. Are there any other police dogs than German Shepherd?
The German Shepherd is the police dog poster dog the way Kathy Ireland used to be for … well, my adolescence. They’re not the only dogs in blue, however.
Here are three others:
BELGIAN MALINOIS | It’s pretty much the Belgian version of the German Shepherd. Like Belgian Waffles vs. German Pancake. I wouldn’t mess with either Shepherd (but I’d eat either the pancakes or waffles. (There’s also a Dutch Shepherd on the beat.)
BLOODHOUND | So, it’s not as sleek as its Shephard/Malinois counterparts, but that sniffer has superpowers. It can pick up the scent of a person even days after they’ve been there! They’re still looking for the Los Angeles Rams’ offense from the Super Bowl, by the way.
INDIAN PARIAH DOG | They are guard dogs with a lineage that dates back to the Neolithic Era (also known as the time Kane and I put on that freshman 20.) They kind of remind me of Wishbone. Remember him? They’re easy to train and breeze through the police academy.
3. How many days is one business day?
It’s one, usually.
A business day is like a workday. If it starts as mine did at 9 a.m., it ends at about 5ish. (Longer if the boss is lingering around.) Weekends and official holidays (such as Rachel Hollis’ birthday) don’t count. So technically, a business day could be three. IF …
… it starts on a Friday afternoon (and goes until Monday afternoon.)
Which is a bit of a jerk move. Who schedules stuff on a Friday afternoon? There’s a special place in hell for them. Interesting, that the American worker who overworks and piles up hours isn’t happy about a Friday getting extended.
But I can see that. Some of us – like Tanaka and me – ain’t getting any younger.
Have a question for me? I’m accepting submissions for Go Ask Daddy, grown-up edition. Email your questions to:
elipacheco (dot) ejp (at) gmail (dot) com.
A to Z Challenge: