🎥 Go Ask Daddy About Movie Casting, Data Blasting, and Bald Britney

That’s me in that picture, getting ready to take on the short-track at Hickory Motor Speedway, back in the day.

I’ve fallen behind on all the Star Wars movies.

It pains me to say that but also doesn’t. Camdyn didn’t give the most glowing review of Solo: A Star Wars Story. What we have feared for years seems to have come true: Disney might just be stinking up our story.

I didn’t ask for details.

We’ll see, though. When Disney first got ahold of Star Wars, I was apprehensive. I ended up crying in the theater! (My girls noted that all the other old dudes in there also cried.) I don’t want to cry sad tears again for the loss of the story I grew up with.

But enough of that.

We might be outgrowing it, literally. Stormtroopers will always be a part of this blog. But among clothes Camdyn is getting rid of after graduation: A T-shirt depicting Darth Vader at-bat in a baseball game. We’ll see if Star Wars continues to grow with us after all.

1-Are the old people going to be on the new Star Wars?

Old to you kids might not mean old to me.

Yes, Luke Skywalker will be in it. They’re going to include Princess Leia, played by the late Carrie Fisher, digitally. Also, the actor who portrayed Chewbacca has died, but he’ll be easier to replace, logistically.

Billy D. Williams will be back to play Lando Calrissian, but I think you girls don’t know that dude yet, do you? Well, from reruns of Return of the Jedi.

I read that Kerri Russell also will be in this movie. The great thing about the original movies was that, outside of Harrison Ford (Han Solo *and* Indiana Jones??), we knew the actors for Star Wars only. Kerri is acclaimed and adorable, but it feels like trampling.

Gah, I sound whiney. Stay off my lawn. And my space fantasy, please.

GP

2-How long are MLS games?

Major League Soccer games last 90 minutes, as is standard for top-level soccer. That’s two 45-minute halves, plus a 15-minute halftime. Referees – the last of the accepted sporting fascists – can add “extra time” as they see fit.

Legit reasons include stoppages such as injuries, game delays for celebration, or minutes spent chasing streakers or rabid raccoons about the pitch.

If a game is level after 90 minutes (plus stoppage time), teams play two 15-minute halves. No golden goal. If the game is still tied after that – it’s a tie. In the playoffs, they’ll go to penalty kicks.

Again, showing a grumpy old guy side of myself right now, I don’t care much for overtime in the regular season.

As a coach of teams that would be thrilled to tie with better teams, playing for a tie is a strategy. Also? Get off my lawn. And my space fantasy. And my sport, too, apparently.

3-What are those numbers on the IndyCar lap counter for?

Those things have a little of everything on them! We’re talking about the dashboard on network TV for the Indianapolis 500. Not to be confused by the scoring pylon that juts up at Indianapolis Motor Speedway. That thing shows you the running order in real time.

The TV dashboard has more stuff on it, such as intervals to the lead and … well, I couldn’t figure out the rest. Lap splits, perhaps? Tire pressure? The degree to which all those tiny drivers were turning their tiny steering wheels? Perhaps.

Wow. Can you tell I favor stock car racing? Stay off my lawn. Stay off my space fantasy and sport, while you’re at it. And don’t give me too much data on a car race I’m watching primarily because the Coca-Cola 600 hasn’t come on yet.

photo credit: National Zoo via photopin (license)

4-Why do you get mad about our music, but you listen to bad stuff, too?

You really think this is a good question to ask right now, given my past three answers? The funny thing is, I feel young and spry today. Productive. Active. Activated. But all that’s coming out is growls about the good old days.

Only, in music, they really were the good old days.

I mean, Afternoon Delight by Starland Vocal Band is stanza after stanza sung by happy white people in 1976 about getting it on at lunchtime. Yet, it’s not nearly as bad as when I hear the first part of Whistle by Flo Rida.

This is a generational thing. My great-grandparents objected to Elvis’ pelvis, for Madonna’s sake.

I wouldn’t say I get mad at your songs. Not like Star Wars or soccer mad. If anything, I’m offended by the low quality of the songs overall. I didn’t even know Cake By The Ocean was dirty until today. I really felt they were talking about cake. I rarely question the cake.

I feel like your oldies stations are going to suck. Badly.

So stay off my lawn, with those horrible excuses for songs playing on your MP3s or streaming or hell, vinyl, I guess, since you’re bringing that back. Stay away from the beautiful game and beautiful space fantasies and don’t you dare overload me with metrics when I just want to root for Danica Patrick.

5-Did Brittney Spears shave her head?

Yes, and she couldn’t even blame your generation of music for it.

It was about 12 years ago. Wow. Madison was 9, Hayden was 6, and Camdyn was 2. I was … well, old enough to be a dad. There are a thousand theories about why she did it and what it symbolized. Did she crack under paparazzi pressures?

Her husband had just left her with the kids, and Brittney said in a 2008 interview that a lot of “artificial” stuff had been going on.

The shaved head was a fresh start. A rebellion, or shedding what’s old. It’s a positive process, that. The act became iconic in a generation. Every move she made was under a microscope. We all make mistakes in our 20s and 30s.

Hell, 40s, I guess (I haven’t felt it, yet.)

But when you’re in the spotlight like she was, coping with breakups and parents divorcing, and, oh, the image she was supposed to be living, it can get a little hairy.

I can understand shedding her hair, one of the symbols of her femininity and identity. I’m not dealing with anything on that scale, but I feel like shedding things, too. Clutter. Worry. Clothes that don’t fit. And maybe even my Star Wars figures from my youth.

You never know what’ll grow back.

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