😕 Go Ask Daddy About Plant Eaters, Color Collections and What Happens if You Cross the Border for College


tiefighter pilot qtip yesterday needed it bathroom

The questions have begun to dwindle.

GAD GRAPHICThe girls just don’t ask as many questions. They have answers. Or, they don’t look to me for them as they once did. This is okay. Seasons change in fatherhood. If they change back, I’ll be ready for that, too.

The list that once pushed 400 is down to 213.

That’s still a lot of Go Ask Daddy. Want to know something? Every single question I’ve answered in this space has genuinely come from my children’s’ mouths. If they never ask another, I’ll have enough for 42 more Go Ask Daddy posts.

And we all know 42 is the answer to the universe.

Some of what they’ve asked, I’m sure they don’t remember. I’ll jot down questions to add to the master list every time they ask. Sometimes, I forget. I wonder how many questions never made it to the list.

fruit salads in plate
Photo by Ella Olsson on Pexels.com

1. Is this what vegetarians do?

One of my kids asked this as she stacked up a sandwich with lettuce, tomato, pickles, honey mustard … and no meat.

I’m writing this post at 10:28 p.m. on a Tuesday night. The top three Charlotte vegetarian restaurants that popped up – Jyoti’s World Cuisine; Fern, Flavors from the Garden; and Ma Ma Wok – are all closed.

I can’t pop in with my taco meat breath and ask them how they do their sandwiches.

I’ve written on vegetarianism because to us, it’s a foreign concept. It’s just how it is. We eat bacon and turkey and beef and crab legs (every couple of years.) I pick at vegetarians like the delicious carcass of a lemon pepper rotisserie chicken, but good-natured. 

You know.

So, yes. They skip the meat, which works out for me. I can put a little extra ham on my sub. It all balances out. I love the universe that way. An extra chicken wing, one more link of sausage, yes to steak fajitas. 

design desk display eyewear
Photo by energepic.com on Pexels.com

2. What do you call it when you get really stressed and puke up blood?

Maybe waking up in the morning and discovering the world is out of pork chops?

It’s an ulcer. Parents and coaches often feel like they’re getting one when things get tricky. It’s also pretty painful. If it isn’t an ulcer, it could be gastritis – when your stomach lining gets all irritated. Either one can make you puke blood as they get more severe.

You can have streaks of blood from your gums or a sore throat, but that’s nothing to the actual act of vomiting blood. 

Also, consider whether you’ve had red velvet cake or a bottle of Cheerwine that day. I know, that’s specific. But that’s what it takes to answer some questions. Medically, it’s called haematemesis. Cancer can cause it, too.

Eating spicy food, drinking too much alcohol and smoking can heat up existing gastritis – and I know some people call those three things last weekend

bright colored markers colorful colors
Photo by Ylanite Koppens on Pexels.com

3. Are there the same colors for markers as there are for crayons?

In the context of all crayons and markers made globally, by all manufacturers, I’m confident in asserting that there’s a marker color out there for every crayon color. Unlike many questions here on the CD’s GAD, this one didn’t have a definitive answer.

In those cases, I just try to drop enough knowledge on your noggin to baffle you.

Did you know Crayola crayons don’t always appear in the same order in every box? It depends on the manufacturing schedule. Probably different shifts start with different colors. Crayolas come in 120 colors, but only 18 hues of the wrapper.

The first pack of crayons had eight colors – black, blue, brown, green, orange, red, violet, yellow – in 1903 (back when I was in junior high.)

Color lovers voted blue the most popular crayon on Crayola’s website. Black crayons melt the fastest because of dark pigments. Yellow, the slowest (lightest pigments.) White might be the most useless crayon ever.

gad-summer-olympics
photo credit: MattysFlicks Breakfast of champions! via photopin (license)

4. What are those dark spots on Olympians’ skin?

You mean the burnt sienna ones or the brick red? Although Olympic athletes are notorious for becoming amorous in the Olympic village, those are not perfectly circular hickies you saw first at the Rio Olympics.

They’re the result of cupping – a therapy practice, not what preteen boys try to do to preteen girls. Geez.

Anyway, it’s like an artificial hickie. It’s an ancient medical practice, even older perhaps than my first box of Crayolas. This fake hickie is said to increase blood flow to muscles, helping them to heal faster. The Olympics don’t take that long, after all.

I remember swimmer Natalie Coughlin looking like she’d be on a date with a handsy octopus. It was my first official case of octopus envy.

woman in red sleeveless dress with canada flag printed background
Photo by Andre Furtado on Pexels.com

5. Would I be a Canadian if I went to a college in Canada?

You’d have to change your citizenship. I’d almost rather you go vegetarian. Although if you’re up at the University of Waterloo cursing under your breath for losing points for spelling errors like centre, offence and favourite, well, that’s more spare ribs for me.

The U.S. Federal student aid program could help you with tuition, but … I dunno.

I guess you could go there for soccer, but why leave the greatest (soccer and otherwise) nation in the world for that? I’ll make no apologies. I’m an American and a carnivore. Not to buck other lifestyles, but this one is pretty rad.

Canadians do better with their colleges than they do with their NHL teams in the playoffs lately. But you have to go where the opportunity is, you know? I get that. Long as you don’t get an ulcer because you miss fourth down in pro football or anything.

spears quote canada

35 thoughts on “😕 Go Ask Daddy About Plant Eaters, Color Collections and What Happens if You Cross the Border for College

  1. Eli my Alex is older than your girls and she has come back around with some questions lately that I stop and think before I rattle off an answer.
    I like the ones you gave about the crayons I’m a big fan colored pencils, markers and crayon nut. I still use them 😂 lol
    Love the action figure at the beginning and all the planning that goes into your posts. 💜🙋🏼‍♀️

      1. I like that you color too. I have those pen type crayons that roll up. I really love drawing with them. I’d like to see what you come up with 👏🏼🙋🏼‍♀️

      1. LOL the paramedics who took me to hospital were completely unperturbed. they’d seen it many times before. The nasal and sinus passages become blocked and there is only one other place for the blood to leak out – the tear ducts.

  2. great questions, all, and you blew my mind about the crayon order! I’m going to go look at mine right now. you are right, that things change in a family over time, and everyone’s roles shift to fit the age and circumstance of the other. that’s the way it should be in the scheme of things. if things stayed the same, no one would ever grow. all good.

    1. I love learning stuff like this, Beth. Yours are probably all out of order due to frequency of use! We all need to grow. Even by coloring with the kids. Which is just what I’ll do tonight.

  3. Great questions and answers again! I love the crayon facts because I have always loved coloring. I had a giant box of Crayolas on vacation with me, I didn’t even look at the order and now I’ve mixed them all up anyway, ha!

  4. Being a three-quarters time vegetarian, I noticed that you forgot a couple of important ingredients for that hypothetical sandwich. It would be greatly improved with some mushrooms and onion slices. And don’t forget the cheese, (unless you’re vegan).

  5. Great questions! I couldn’t be vegetarian because I don’t like enough vegetables. Plus, in order to get complete protein, I’d have to eat beans with my rice, and I really struggle to like beans. They just weren’t programmed into my taste buds. I need some chicken and turkey every day. If you’ve never tried cupping, it’s great. A while back I was working with an acupuncturist and a few times she used cups on my back. I didn’t even realize they left marks, but they really helped my back.

  6. Most vegetarians would go for lots more veggies on that sandwich. In fact, i might even grill some zucchini or eggplant for it. Which reminds me, i have a couple of eggplants someone gave me i need to get to this evening.

  7. I need to start making a list of the absurd questions my kids ask me. For being incredibly smart kids they are so stupid I often wonder where the hell I went wrong.

  8. As a vegetarian, I found #1 to be very funny. I had no idea about the Crayola crayons. How interesting! I do love the feeling of opening a brand new box and seeing those crayons with the perfectly-never-used points. And the smell… Well, the smell of office supplies in general. Then there is the smell of new books and magazines. Don’t get me started… 🙂

    1. Glad you liked my attempt to understand veggie life, Lecy!

      I learned that about Crayola myself as I researched this post. I could have written a post on crayons. Nothing was worse to me as a coloring kid growing up than having crayons stepped on – or worse, lost.

      I wish you’d write a post about the smells like that that you love. Maybe even … a guest post?

  9. Cupping just looks like it would hurt! I didn’t know what it was until maybe the last summer Olympics? LOL I know Michael Phelps always did it. And I’m not a vegetarian but a few of my friends are, so I’m used to it.

    -Lauren
    http://www.shootingstarsmag.net

    1. It does look painful, Lauren! If I did it, I’d want it in the shape of the Olympic rings. Someone should have sponsored the Michael Phelps cupping by adding advertising copy or a logo to the cup mark.

      Maybe even Subway. Club, footlong, on white.

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