Sometimes, interesting parallels emerge in Go Ask Daddy questions.
Theyāre chosen at random. From a list of about 200. When the first two contained the words āalcoholic drinkā and ācrack cocaine,ā I began to question the universe. Namely, what is intends for me. Then, more pressing ā¦ did my girls ask these questions, really?
They did!
Every week, I try to pick out five questions the girls asked (over years and years) to answer in this space right here. To continue the controversy, the Dallas Cowboys appeared on this list, too. And a doozy of a fifth question. Check it out.
1. Whatās the alcoholic drink with the cherry?
Iām hoping weāre talking about the Shirley Temple here.
But letās be honest: The pandemic has me spending a tad more impossible income on spirits. I was disappointed the ABC store sold me a bottle of rum and tequila but didnāt serve them to me in paper sacks.
The Cherry Bomb looks yummy and counts as a fruit or vegetable serving.
But it has cachaƧa, which isnāt on my Walmart pickup list. The Cherry Bourbon Smash sounds like it should have a holiday named after it. I learned a lot reading about this Easy Cherry Lemonade – and it just made me thirsty.
Just found out thereās also something known as a Dirty Shirley.
2. Is crack and crack cocaine the same?
Hayden has extensive knowledge of drugs, thanks to a high school course. She rattles off facts about cannabis, ecstasy, and hallucinogens the way I did about Ankylosaurus, Stegosaurus, Triceratops back in the day.
Cocaine comes in both powder and rock, kind of like thereās a Triceratops and a Zuniceratops which look similar.
They call it cocaine or coke when itās a powder, and crack or crack cocaine as the rock. I looked up how itās made, and I wonāt go into it in detail, but it sounds a little like how you make rock candy. Which is kinda messed up.
They call it crack because it crackles when itās cooked.
Itās pretty highly concentrated, so itās possible to get addicted with just one dose. If you or someone you know might have questions about addiction, they can call the American Addiction Centers at 888-969-0144.
3. Why are they in church on Saturday?
Maybe they lost track of what day it is like I have.
More likely, theyāre Seventh Day Adventists. They consider Saturday the sabbath, not Sunday. While some Christians go to church on Sunday, others consider it a true day of rest – like, you can even sleep in on Sunday mornings. I like that.
Itās like those calendars that sometimes start on Sunday, sometimes start on Monday.
Some Jewish folks have services on Saturday, too. Some Christians say they should church on Sunday because thatās the day of the week of Jesusā resurrection. I was just a boy then, so Iām not positive.
In 321, Roman Emperor Constantine said everyone should rest on Sunday, which is why thatās the one day of the week I wonāt clock in for anyone.
4. Who was the guy who jumped into the Salvation Army bucket?
It wasnāt Constantine (because it was on a Sunday.)
That distinction goes to Dallas Cowboys running back Ezekiel Elliott. He hopped into an oversized Salvation Army kettle at AT&T Stadium after a rushing touchdown against Tampa Bay. What a donation
Iāve written negatively about Elliott on this very blog, but I also donāt believe in condemning anyone for life because of something they did or allegedly did.
Elliott has a childlike view of the game that I totally appreciate. He leaped into the kettle and it gave the Salvation Army a good bit of playtime. He wasnāt fined for this, and I agree with that. Donations spiked after his leap, and Zeke made a donation of his own.
The Salvation Army said it got $850,000 in online donations after that – which would buy 91,000 meals for those in need.Ā
5. Why does ‘fine’ sometimes mean something great, like fine dining, and sometimes just so-so-, like, ‘you did fine’?
One thing Iāve learned as a man is that āfineā has a ton of meanings and connotations. You mentioned fine dining – thatās elegant. Think white tablecloths and prices in tiny print on a menu. āYou did fineā is the other end of the spectrum – like, meh.Ā
If you say āthat girlās fiiiine,ā it means something – and when you do it in front of your significant other, and arenāt talking about her, you might be told that everything is āfine.ā
Iād rather just PAY a fine for my mistake. Itās a fine line between just appreciating the human form in the form of your friendly neighborhood restaurant server, and committing a major infraction of ā¦ appreciating the wrong human form.
And thatās fine with me.Ā
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Just a dad ... 
Since when is a Shirley Temple alcoholic? I still remember when we’d go out to dinner when I was young and my parents ordered drinks. I’d always get a Shirley Temple and feel quite grown up, even though I didn’t (and still don’t like) maraschino cherries. And the ONLY way to make it is with ginger ale, not lemon-lime soda, (and grenadine). Those were the days!
A few years ago I ran into a gal who looked at me like I was crazy when I suggested going over to her place to buy some duck eggs on a Saturday. “Saturday is the sabbath!! There is no business done on the sabbath!” Ex-cuuuuse me! Where I grew up, back east, everyone went to church on Sunday. And Catholics sometimes went on Wednesdays too. And when I worked on the ocean every day was a potential work day, even Christmas, Thanksgiving and New Year.
It’s a good thing I never tried cocaine. I probably would have been hooked the first try.
Oh, it’s not alcoholic, but a Dirty Shirley is. Did you get a little plastic sword in your drink? I loved those. Yes, those were the days.
In newspapers, every day is a workday too. Your sabbath might come on a Tuesday, and you didn’t need scripture to tell you otherwise.
I got hooked on the first try of frosted animal cookies, so, same.
Yes! The little plastic sword! And I first had a frosted animal cookie as an adult. Hooked first try! š
It’s just so elevated, the frosted animal cookie. Changes one’s life.
wait, what about that old classic, the manhattan? i’ve never actually had one, but served them as a bartender. the cherry is key in this one. who knew there were numerous cherry options? i’m a fan of the shirley temple, personally. and the nuances of the word ‘fine’ – excellent and so true
I’ve never had a Manhattan, either! I’d forgotten about them. As I mentioned, I feel cherry drinks are definitely a serving of fruits/vegetables. The Shirley Temple is definitely a fine drink, isn’t it?
yes, indeed!
This could be a post of its own, delicious cherriness with alcohol.
Wow, they went deep on some of this stuff.
And iāll take some fine grain salt with that answer. English is a weird language.
Right? It’s like this sometimes. I had never thought of the implications of “fine” before my kid mentioned it.
Right before everything shut down I had my first taste of cachaƧa. I can’t wait to have another.
What was it like? Maybe I need to add it to my Walmart pickup order!
“I was just a boy then,” ha! I enjoyed that line. Great questions. I like how the questions have grown up with the girls.
Well, my girls are always commenting on my ancient age! They round up by 50. The girls’ questions have definitely grown up. I look back on old ones and long for those simpler times!