Remember Jurassic Park?
Not the first one. One of the last ones. Maybe the last one. There was this epic battle between the mighty Tyrannosaurus Rex (sorry, my generation gave the big guy his due – no T-Rex) battled a mega super ultra mean swole somethingasaurus.
I kept thinking, what could they possibly do to top that?
And then this sea monster pops up and eats that bastard like he’s a potsticker. That’s kind of how 2020 is feeling right about now. You think you’ve wrapped your mind around your circumstance, and then … well, sea monsters.
So I’m going to use this space for something kind of normal. Another Go Ask Daddy with 5 random questions and none of them involve germs or riots or murders. An illegal drug makes another appearance, and I’m noting that in my girls’ file.
1. Is this a grapefruit?
This is one of those questions I got in the grocery store and probably snapped a photo of said fruit and told myself, I’ll write about this shit, and then I dropped the phone in Pepsi Max. So there went the photo.
It’s like when people in Target ask me if a TV next to another is a 65- or 55-inch. What the hell? If they’re that close, and side by side, it’s like an optical illusion. Or is it just me? Grapefruit vs. a really big-ass orange is kind of the same thing.
Side note: Check out the video above to see how grapefruit can kill you. (More at 11.)
To sum it up, grapefruit juice has a nasty relationship with a chemical in your intestines. This chemical breaks down many drugs in your body. If this chemical gets messed with, it can render the drug more potent.
Does anyone really like grapefruit?
2. Do they have narrators for college football?
Isn’t this cute? Narrators. Aw. They’re actually called analysts, which makes it seem kinda crucial. Dick, let’s ask our analyst to analyze the Northern Arizona pass defense against West Coast offenses on artificial turf …
College football definitely has a bunch of them.
The college football narrator breaks down the previous play, the current drive, penalties that should or shouldn’t be called, and more. I like it when they stick to the Xs and Os, not raking referees over the coals or second-guessing coaches.
My favorite: Lee Corso.
Actually, I really dig this position. I think I could have been one in another lifetime. When I was a kid, I would point things out to my dad before the analyst mentioned it. I thought I was clairvoyant – turns out, I just know nickel defenses and shit like that.
3. What’s in meth?
Seriously, the Feds are probably coming for my laptop tomorrow.
I thought they would come after me for looking up Al Qaida a ton when I worked at Red Ventures. (It was for a post!) And it happened just before an international flight. I was convinced I’d rot in a Peruvian prison (and we weren’t even going to Peru).
After research online, on my company laptop, I discovered meth is short for methamphetamine, which is far worse than the worst things on my Pepsi Zero label.
It’s a synthetic substance, born of amphetamines, which is also a stimulant. It’s a horrible gumbo of drug madness, with different ingredients, depending on the cook, who could use antifreeze, battery acid, drain cleaner, lantern fuel, and antifreeze for potency.
These things never, ever should enter a body. Ever.
4. Who is Keanu Reeves?
Keanu is many things, chief among them an actor born in Beirut and raised in Toronto. He’s listed in Wikipedia as a director, film producer, and musician – although I’ve never heard his music. (Isn’t everyone in show business a singer?)
Bet you didn’t know this: Keanu means cool breeze over the mountains in Hawaiian – which is perfect for a dude born in Lebanon and reared in Canada with an English mom and a half-Hawaiian, half-Chinese dad.
If you know Keanu, you probably know him for his work in Matrix or Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure, but not likely both. They’re like, a lifetime apart, like Bryan Adams’ badass early tunes and his sappy love ballads of the 80s.
One of the girls asked this when she drew the Keanu card in Apples to Apples.
This is cool – Keanu has deferred his own pay to help moviemakers land other big names for a production. These include Al Pacino (The Devil’s Advocate, 1997) and Gene Hackman (The Replacements, 2000.)
5. Have you ever gotten an ace?
Heck yes, I have.
I aced the No. 11 and No. 15 at Elon Park Disc Golf Park in South Charlotte. I played there nearly every day for a while, trying to sort out my mind as I chased plastic discs into the wild. I met many people there and saw a few interesting things.
On my dad’s birthday, a huge owl landed on the disc catcher on No. 2.
No one saw either of my aces. It makes a beautiful sound when you hit the chains at just the right angle. It has to be right, and anyone who tells you they’ve mastered the technique to do it on purpose is full of it.
It just shows you that if you keep throwing, nothing – not supersaurs or meth kitchens or a hurt and tense world – can stop you.