What a way to follow up nostalgia – with more nostalgia.
I keep a list of questions my kids have asked for – oh, the past couple of decades – and try to answer them every week.
Expect both the sacred and the profane. Or something about football rules or the human gut. It’s all fair game when it comes to Go Ask Daddy.
I choose a set of five questions at random (thanks random.org!) and get to work.
Enjoy. The #AtoZChallenge is coming in a month, too, so there’s more nostalgia on the way. What’s next, neon Nikes?
photo credit: wuestenigel Salad bowl with carrots, lettuce, liver and cherry tomatoes on white background via photopin (license)
What does a liver do?
For one, it makes a lousy entree.
In the body, it’s in charge of watching chemical levels in your blood and cranks out bile. Bile is like a good power-washing cleaner for your liver. Also, the liver is the weigh station for blood leaving your stomach and intestines.
You need it to survive, so that’s why they call it a LIVE-r.
(You’d think the heart would get that name, but then we’d have only three suits in a card deck. And it would make for some crappy love-song lyrics. Oh my liver … my achy breaky liver …)
I should mention the liver also transforms substances into forms your body can use. It’s like a money launderer for the bod, or a vitamin Google translate.
Do they show the game from TV on the big screen?
No, because there’s a chance there’ll be advertising from a rival of an official team sponsor. This is one reason. The big screen at college and pro games is as much an ad generator as the signage around it.
Also, the TV broadcast is on a slight delay from reality.
Should T.Y. Hilton bust into an album-version The Devil Went Down to Georgia, the network can block it. They can also plaster crowd images and out-of-town highlights during timeouts. Or a reminder to use your VIC card at Harris-Teeter.
Would you be a truck driver?
I’d do any job to provide. Once, before I found the job at Red Ventures as a writer, I was going to apply as a third-shift paper shredder operator. No big deal.
My dad considered truck driving school when things were bad at IBM with constant layoffs.
True, you’d have to maneuver traffic with a lot of idiots out there. Plus winding roads and stormy seasons. And parking – it’s tough enough to maneuver a Hyundai in the Chick-fi-A parking lot, I can only imagine a rig.
There’s a romantic side to it, too. Seeing the country. Eating the cuisines. Snapping up random college T-shirts for you girls along the way. Yeah, I’d do it.
Does the first team to score in overtime win in the NFL?
Not always. They have to score a touchdown or a safety now for overtime to be ‘sudden death.’ (Always such an ominous descriptor of that tie-breaking session.
Before 1974, both teams took the tie if the score remained knotted at the end of regulation.
After ’74, the first to score in OT would win, but often, both teams didn’t have a chance with the ball. Today, if you scored a field goal first, the opposition gets a chance to one-up you. There’s still a time clock, so there’s a chance it could still end up a tie.
A tie has always felt like an odd happenstance in football. Like, ha! They scored a safety. Or, ha! They ended with 11 points. Or, ha! The Jacksonville Jaguars won a game.
Where are Bill Belichick’s sleeves?
I can’t stand my pant legs or sleeves being too long. Neither can Bill Belichick. During Super Bowl XXXIX, Coach couldn’t stop dicking around with his sleeves. They bothered him so much he tucked them inside themselves in a fidgety-kid fashion move.
He spent the offseason snipping sleeves off his Patriots hoodies. When asked why, he said, “My arms are too short.”
Now, it’s his look, although, it doesn’t do much for his winning prospects. All Patriots’ playoff losses happened when Bill sported the clipped clothes. In the three Super Bowls Bill has lost, guess what he wore?
The Hoodie has done more damage to Bill’s legend than anything the NFC can toss at him. Not even fashion guru Cam Newton could help him last season!