Look who is back.
It’s me. No big deal. You might not have even noticed. That’s fine.
This is quite the vast universe.
If one writer falls by the wayside, there are no ripple effects. None detectable from 10,000 feet, anyway. Which is nice in a way.
You’re not disappointing the masses by giving way in your writing space to crickets.
And besides, people have the stuff to do. I’ve had the stuff to do. Self-acceptance is a full-time job, tougher to get out of than those 10 records for a penny deals back in the 80s.
Self: The tough part of self acceptance
Self-acceptance isn’t browsing like a prince through Boz Scaggs and Air Supply albums. It’s the difficult shit you have to do, have to sort out. It’s easy to like others but not such a breeze when it comes to the dude in the mirror.
And, God, does it wax and wane.
You know like when you finally wrap up an extension cord right and then right at the end you miss a loop? It all comes loose and you’re on your ass on square one again. And again, no one’s watching, so it’s not humiliating, because you’re the only audience.
But if you’ve made progress, it can be vexing.
I’ve found the next tough frontier to conquer is letting go of peeves and irks with things I cannot control. I rocked it like Gandhi to start out with, y’all. I was getting my guru groove on.
That’s a work in progress, which is what someone positive says about a current state of losing.
I have to remind myself that even the under-construction parts have their value. Those times with the bases loaded against you with no outs and your breaking ball ain’t breaking. (Moments you’re unprepared for the task, for those non-baseball fans out there.)
Wednesday is on the way
Right now, I’m not feeling it—but I will.
If it’s stagnant as a Tuesday and lands hard like a Monday, that’s okay. Wednesday is on the way. Progress comes in fits and bursts, and the best thing about a lull is that there’s a fit or burst coming.
Am I even making sense?
Dusting off and writing isn’t always a pretty scene.
It’s not a great hair day and a cozy cafe where the barista smiles at you a lot. A tremendous smile and the Americano is delicious and you don’t even spill when you pack it with sugar and cream. It’s not always like that.
It’s often you, unshowered, drinking Aldi diet soda, trying to get back on track, posting something you hoped to have posted before you even went to bed.
That’s where the dusting off happens. Look, I didn’t want this to become a bitchfest of discontent. I wanted today to serve as a reminder that you’ve got this.
Even if I’m no role model at the moment.
I hope that if even one of you wants to write today, you will. Life tosses us about and slaps the pen right out of our hand. I’m saying pick it right back up and write on.
Special thanks to Teri for inspiration for this post on her blog.
A to Z Challenge
A is for A new name for this blog
B is for B is for Bibster, baseball, and a spot by the birdbath #Gratitudeandshit
C is for Cassie Klein, actress and model; an interview for #GirlsRock
So glad you’re back!
So glad to see you, Ann – I just visited your spot too!
Thanks for the reminder. I’ve been feeling adrift a long time, washed up, forgotten. No job, and still, yes still in quarantine. In fact, “lock down” so separated from loved ones, no place to ramble and too much free time to mourn deep losses. We’re all part of a painful journey, one with joy and beauty when you take the time to see and embrace it. Be blessed, my friend.
This is a difficult confinement, isn’t it? No matter what stage, or what level. I still feel the loss of human connection, even when getting out and about. I’m sorry you’re in this painful journey, and I hope for more beauty and joy for you soon.
You had me at the 10 for 1 stupid CD club detail. I remember that like a ghost that still haunts. But you nailed it with “…a work in progress, which is what someone positive says about a current state of losing.” Have a feeling i will remember that time to time. LOL. Thanks for dusting it off and I’m writing.
Ugh stupid phone inserting words for dusting off and writing. LOL.
haha … these phones mess with us!
Here’s to trying to remain positive! It isn’t always easy, but it’s always good. Do you also remember those drawing contests advertised in TV Guide, where you sent in your version of Tippy the Turtle for an assessment of your talent?
I kind of love this. Two things I’ve been focusing on for a while are self-compassion and resilience … and how they go together. It’s quite a journey, but it’s definitely worth the effort. So many hugs to you.
Thank you, Sharon! Self-compassion and resilience can fuel each other, can’t they? Hugs returned right your way.
I, for one, am very glad you’re writing again. And I know I’m not alone. I jumped over to Teri’s post and have noticed that the past four years have been rough on a lot of people. (I thought it was just me). Rough enough that their blogging either stopped or slowed significantly. Some people have been returning, while others have reinvented themselves in new and different ways. Something I always admire in people is the ability to get up, dust ourselves off and give things another go. Even when it looks and feels really messy – right there with you! Bravo! Another theme I’ve been noticing recently is people getting the message about how we all matter. Even when we’re not feeling it. (Wrote about it recently https://mypeacenow.wordpress.com/2021/03/25/a-unique-thread-in-the-tapestry-of-life/ ). Took me a minute to figure out the ten records for a penny deal, but oh yeah, I remember. Thankfully never got sucked in one of those marketing “deals”. Here’s to Friday!
I’d be surprised to discover that we haven’t all struggled with this Eli. But your post is really a kind reminder that we both have to lavish ourselves with self-compassion, and that we really can dust ourselves off and begin anew. That’s the promise of each new moment.
I’m sure most have! And I feel like every time it happens to me, I learn something about myself. Here’s to new beginnings, this one and the next, when it rolls around.
Sometimes we try too hard to love up to expectations that were set…by us. We do it to ourselves. It’s ok to back off. It’s ok to take a break and see if you ever want to continue – writing here or doing that A to Z thing at all. Take good care of yourself Eli. Do what suits you now or whenever. Life is what we have in this moment. We can stop pushing ourselves anytime and learn to do what really feels right when the moment feels right for”it”…whatever the “it” is.
I have this vision of a day when it can all happen, Carrie, and it feels real! I know I can’t have every day like that. Two in a row would be nice 🙂
Your doing a great job writing again. I do remember those deals and using a pencil to wind the tape back into the cassette. 🙂
Thank you, Ellen! Remember when you had to break those plastic tabs on top to keep from recording over it? Memories.
I’ve been blogging for 13 years. In that time blogs have come and gone. Sometimes they return out of the blue, but for the most part they fall by the wayside. I admire people who can get back on the horse and start over again…whether in blogging or in life.
I’m moving through my blog roll to be sure everyone’s still active. I hate finding one that has gone silent, but then think that maybe they’re doing something even more incredible instead. Here’s to us rider writers who write and ride on.
at least you are back on track and there is something to be said for that )
I like being here with my favorite blogger friends, beth, like you.
I’ve learned to accept that my blog is more of an ebb and flow rather than a perfectly crafted, and regularly updated, thing in my life. I want it to bring joy not stress and that was the compromise. A difficult compromise for a perfectionist but it’s working (for now).
And, I do remember those 10 records for a penny deals. I loved picking out all the little album stickers to add to the return postcard. I usually didn’t mail them. I was content with the just the possibility of 10 records for a penny. Or, maybe I just liked stickers.
Weekends In Maine
I had a moment when I was irked that my kids were keeping me from writing my fatherhood blog. I don’t want to stress, but I’d like to be ahead a few days so I can spend more time reading blogs like yours!
I didn’t mail mine until much later, and discover the cost of having to send records back every month if I didn’t want them! Lesson learned. Nothing is truly 10 for a penny.
Good morning! I love the new blog name and this post. Life has a way of reminding us we need to slow down and just do what makes us happy, I’m glad writing is yours.
Thanks, Tiff! Things have to shuffle, and I’ve discovered that if I’m stressing about what I should be doing instead, that’s no fun at all. I’m working on being present with whatever writing is ahead of me.
Yes, i missed you.
Keep writing, i’ll keep reading.
It would feel like a misstep if I stopped now!
I have made a small review of some blogs I have visited – including you…