Say What? The Adventures of Quotable Kids

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I love a good quote.

Not only from Jesus or Aristotle or a Flock of Seagulls, but from the NFL players I get to Interview when I help out the Associated Press. Keyshawn Johnson, Tony Romo and Larry Fitzgerald are among my favorites in the NFL, but my first interview out of college played out like a band geek asking out the cheer captain.

Or at least the girl with the reputation.

I’m not sure what I meant to ask former Charlotte Hornets star Larry Johnson way back in the day, but I vomited the words like someone tossing a box of Scrabble down the stairs.

5 For Friday: 📋 Things I Never Thought I’d Say To My Girls

Welcome to the jungle.

Here, things aren’t always as they seem. Survival becomes paramount. Expect the unexpected. Know that the deck is stacked against you. The odds, not in your favor. Things will never be the same.

We’re talking parenthood, y’all.

There are good things. Like when your kid hits a home run. Or aces a spelling test. Or picks her nose at the buffet undetected. There are tough times, too. Like when your kid scores in her own goal.

Comparing and contrasting the wholesome lyrics of my youth with what passes as music today

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Missing: One cheap little MP3 player and lots of 70’s stuff on it.

Last seen in the presence of a kid who looks a lot like me. DNA testing would be conclusive, I’m sure. It’s true … that’s AC/DC’s “Back in Black” and “Hells Bells” ringing in Madison’s ears through her stolen electronics.

But at least it’s not songs from role models Demi Lovato, Miley Cyrus, or Lil Kim.

I got the MP3 free for earning points after drinking more Coke products than recommended by the Surgeon General. (My pancreas may never rust if what they say about Coke’s bumper-cleansing properties rings true.)