5 for Friday: Go Ask Daddy About Moves East, Oceanic Beasts and Punting Feats

 

photo credit: pasukaru76 via photopin cc
photo credit: pasukaru76 via photopin cc

I’m at a loss for words.

Not about anything in particular.

I’ve written this intro three times. I’ve done you a favor by deleting it three times.

I feel like I’ve got nothing.

Continue reading “5 for Friday: Go Ask Daddy About Moves East, Oceanic Beasts and Punting Feats”

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Go Ask Daddy About Concussions, Baseball Records and Mascots On The Payroll

 

concussionMy Go Ask Daddy list brims with possibility. It’s 30, maybe 40 questions strong. I don’t want to give it away, but subjects include stress tests, gladiators and mattress construction.

Sometimes, I get one I just can’t ignore. One that deserves its own post, such as, “would you die for me, daddy?” Or, that deserve top billing on a Friday, such as one about concussions – from a kid who knows better than me.

Nearly a week ago, In quick succession, I saw Grace get hit inadvertently during a soccer match, with a knee to the side of her head. Then, I caught her as she stumbled off the field and her legs gave way beneath her.

Grace says she doesn’t even remember getting hit.

I watched an orthopedic doctor administer tests to her on the sideline (her vision was blurry in her right eye), medics stabilize her on a stretcher, and an ambulance whisk her away to the hospital.

When I lay down to sleep that night, the images caught up with me and took my breath away.

She’s fine, today, and will likely miss just one week of soccer. That’s better than good. I happen to love that jolted little brain (and the girl all around it), not to mention the questions that come flowing out of it.

Play strong, Grace. Play strong.

1. Has anyone gotten a concussion and couldn’t get up?

 

synapseI’m glad you did, lovey.

You might not remember the doctor’s explanation or mine, but your brain is like a big bunch of cauliflower floating around in, say, butter sauce. But, congealed butter. Mm. Roasted cauliflower with butter. But I digress.

When you take a knee to the side of your noggin, as you did, that butter sauce that is designed to buffer your brain isn’t enough to keep your brain from slamming against the inside of your skull.

It’s not pretty. Too many of those is really bad for your health.

Your question, though: Has anyone ever gotten a concussion, and couldn’t get up? As I said, I’m glad you did, lovey. Let’s leave it at that.

2. Why do people dressed as the Statue of Liberty stand by the road and wave?

photo credit: sniggie via photopin cc
photo credit: sniggie via photopin cc

Psh. Because the Statue of Liberty is French.

The ones you mean are Liberty Tax Service mascots.

They entice us to come in and have our taxes done. Sometimes, it’s Uncle Sam. Other times, it’s that stoic French lady – only it’s portrayed by a groovy dude with headphones in or nice lady swinging a sign that says “open late.”

They’re groovy human billboards, at a mere $8 an hour.

God bless America.

Check this dude out:

3. What’s the record for the longest baseball inning?

The one I extended to 30 minutes at Garinger High School with two in the outfield errors feels like it.

On May 8, 2004, the Detroit Tigers and Texas Rangers played a 31-run, 30-hit game that featured a record-breaking fifth inning.

Check out what happened in that inning:

  • Texas walked the first three batters of the inning on 20 pitches.
  • Detroit scored eight runs and faced 54 pitches in a half-inning.
  • Texas faced 56 pitches in their half of the inning, and scored 10 runs.
  • The line: 110 pitches, 18 runs, in 1 hour, 8 minutes.

Compared to that, I was stellar at Garinger.

4. When you have a nose ring, what do you do when you have to blow your nose?

nose piercedThe answer is, very carefully. I wanted to ask a new girl here at work how she does it, but because that would be our official first conversation, I decided against it.

According to Yahoo! Answers users, such as Amanda S., you should “be gentle and cautious” when you blow before the piercing heals. The user One Sexy Jeep Girl says her nose is pierced, and she’s always blown her nose normally. Which is more than I can say.

5. How much do mascots make?

I used to dream of being a mascot. I’d have done it for $50 per game and a plate of nachos.

Most NBA teams have mascots on the full-time payroll. They earn $40,000-$45,000, with benefits (dragon care, chicken insurance, etc.) If you’re funny, don’t hurt fans, and don’t insult Steve Irwin, as the Tampa Bay Rays mascot did, or run over an opposing team’s quarterback with a golf cart like the Tennessee Titans’ mascot did, you could probably make a pretty good life in this gig.

Then there’s heat exhaustion and the danger of running up and down stadium steps in an oversized donkey head with feet big as Ronald McDonald’s.

I’d have to ask for $75 and extra cheese on my nachos. I mean, that’s a concussion waiting to happen. Know what I mean, Grace?