Elf of a Shelf, Chicano Style: Why Ours Could Beat Up Yours

Talk about a White Christmas.

Grace this year has asked for an Elf on the Shelf. This is new to us. This is … white, to us. I’m not sure where this is headed, truthfully. It feels like a gateway, this elf. What’s next? J Crew? Duck Dynasty? Split the difference with some Taylor Swift?

I wrote about the Elf on a Shelf you people cavort with, and never considered he’d find his way into our multi-cultural yet tortilla-centric home.

I found a darker-skinned elf on eBay for $35. I thought there was a conspiracy at play until I noticed y’all are paying around $30 for the pale version. A $5 variance between races is within the accepted range. Barely.

5 For Friday: Things My Elf Would Do That Would Make Your Elf On a Shelf Culturally Uncomfortable

White America – here’s to you.

No, seriously. This isn’t a Brown Power blog making fun of you. Well, not completely. I love your contributions to our American heritage. You know, cookouts, singing Christmas trees, Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers.

The one thing I wish you’d left in the box: Elf on The Shelf.

I choose not to participate. My youngest is too old, at the ripe age of 8. I’m just as busy as any of you. I’d rather eat the snacks I’ve hidden from them and watch Ghost Adventurers on Netflix after they go to bed, not hide a damned elf.