5 For Friday: Go Ask Daddy About Kitty Doodoo, Hebrew Day School and Aye! Chihuahuas!

photo credit: Stéfan via photopin cc
photo credit: Stéfan via photopin cc

Most of my Go Ask Daddy questions come from the most diminutive kid in the triumvirate. It’s that raising third-grade mentality, at work.

There’s a question in this batch, though, that came from the 12-year-old. And it came as a result of a second (or was it third?) go-through of a Redbox DVD – “Parental Guidance,” with Billy Crystal. (Well, not with Billy Crystal. He was just in the movie).

A restaurant host in a pan-Asian restaurant called Healthy Tiger spoke about what made him pan-Asian also.

“I’m Chinese,” he proclaims with arms wide, “my wife’s Japanese, my kids are Korean, and they go to Hebrew Day School! Oy!”

I guess you’ll recognize her question below. Sorry for outing you, Marie. At least I don’t take you to Healthy Tiger, where everything is gluten-free, fat-free, and … taste-free.

1. How do cats know how to go in the litter box?

Do they? The evidence against it: The occasional dusty Tootsie rolls we find on the carpet.

Most cats don’t have such issues. And most kitties don’t have mama around to show them the secrets of the sand. It’s the same force of nature that lets a flying squirrel fly, a Chihuahua annoy, and a dodgers fan … act like a Chihuahua. Humans aren’t nearly as adept at this as the rest of nature.

(I’m sadly pleased with myself for referencing litter boxes and the dodgers in the same post.)

2. If you ran over a box of matches, would it catch on fire?

Grace, I know you wanted me to answer this question in the real world when you saw that box of matches spilled on the road – and I should have peeled out on them to see for myself.

Because the match would simply mush between the tire and road, it’s unlikely it would light on fire. Plus, unless you’re in the tread of the tire, you wouldn’t have oxygen, a key agent in fire. I envision a peel-out, all Starsky & Hutch style, our only bet for fire. And not a very good one.

If we see any more matches on the road, we’re so going to find out.

3. What is a Hebrew Day School?

Weren’t they on your school’s soccer schedule this season? Pretty sure we beat them 7-0.

A Hebrew day school is a Jewish school, first of all. Soille San Diego Hebrew Day School celebrates in 2013 50 years of excellence. You know how you girls excel when you’re in a comfort zone, with kids you share a lot in common with? That’s the idea behind a school like this, and it seems to work.

Even, cinematically, if you’re pan-Asian.

4. What does the heart on your license mean?

It means I get free steak every Friday.

I wish. It means I’m an organ donor. This is a one-time deal. And you might have to help me on this one. I hope you don’t ever have to. Or, if you do, it’s in 2113. Here’s the plan: If I should die in such a way that doctors could transplant my organs to save someone else’s life, they have my permission.

It’s only for life-saving operations, in my case. I choose not to donate my body to science. Although, there will probably be interest in my brain, to compare to other early primates. Hope they don’t get them mixed up.

5. Is there such a thing as a nice Chihuahua?

Depends on how far I can throw it.

I kid, I kid. Although, the little bugger who decided to snap at me just as I wound up to throw on No. 17 at the Eager Beaver disc golf course recently – and made me toss my disc into the thicket – could probably sail 30, 40 feet with the right crosswinds and a healthy windup. Theoretically.

Just like on the movie “Beverly Hills Chihuahua,” these little yippy dogs get along best with their own kind, which is fine with me. They can colonize in the Mazatlan peninsula, far away from the disc golf course. They won’t bother you, me, or any of the nice kids at the Hebrew Day School.

If your cats leave any more dusty Tootsie rolls around, they might wind up joining them.